ex wife creating drama...

[sschoden]

My husband's ex-wife is apparently still bitter about a divorce that happened over 7 years ago.  They have a 9-year-old boy together and she has primary custody.  After several years of somewhat working together to change visitation days/times to accomodate everyone's schedules, she suddenly is becoming more and more demanding.  My husband and I are expecting our first child...I'm only a few days away from my due date...and the ex's horrid and hateful behavior has been escalating ever since finding out that we are expecting.  She refused to allow the boy to visit his father for the allowed visitation time for his birthday, refused to allow Halloween visitation which was ours this year (she said his father could see him from 4:30 until 6 pm which doesn't allow for normal Halloween activities and we live 30 minutes from the boy's home besides so we were unable to see him), and she constantly makes plans for him during his father's weekends, therefore cutting the visitation short.  She has been threatening court and litigation stating that she's not getting enough money for support (she gets $500/mo).  She refuses to return calls or answer the phone when my husband calls. She refuses to allow the boy to call his father during the week just to talk and generally is making everyone's lives miserable.  She is remarried with 2 more children.  
I am unsure of what she can claim by going to court over what seems like semantics and just plain bitter emotion on her part.  What could she gain?  
My poor husband just wants it all to stop and is willing at this point to sever all ties with the boy just to make her go away.  Is that even possible?  Would he still be required to pay child support?  I don't think that severing ties with the boy is a good decision....it's her that is the problem, not the child.
What advice/opinion can anyone out there give me?  Should we seek legal advice?  I don't want our marriage to suffer emotionally or financially just because this ex is bitter and wants to punish my husband.
Please help!!

[ocean]

Okay...
1. He will always have to pay child support even if he chooses not to take visitation.
2. Does he have his vistation in a court order? Is it exact with times, dates, places...pick-up/drop-off......If not , go back to court and get it spelled all out.
3.If he has the court order...stick to it. Pick child up and do not return him until the court ordered time. Send her a letter that you will be following the court order from now on. Do not respond to e-mail, letters, requesting changes. If she really is giving you a hard time...print out the letter of intent on this website and send it for each visitation. Send it certified to prove that she gets it. This may scare her into doing what it right.
4. If you are concerned about child support going up, put in your numbers in the child support caluculator to see if it will. Then possible compromise paying more with getting more visitation. She may go for it. Worth a shot.

She is jealous of the new baby and that things will change. Hopefully it will pass.... Good luck! Let us know what happens!

[sschoden]

Thank you so much.  I've never met anyone as vindictive and wicked as she is....it's really a challenge to deal with her.  I really appreciate your advice.  I will definitely keep you posted.

Thanks again!

[janM]

Yes, you should seek legal advice.
Yes he will still have to pay child support.

I gotta ask...what is he thinking? Does he hate her and her bevahior more than he loves his child? Would gaining a bit of peace justify having his son wonder why his dad didn't care enough to fight for him...and wonder if he loves the new baby more?

Like the other poster said, if you have visitation court ordered, take her sorry butt to court. It's not gonna stop until that boy turns 18 but you need to nip some of it in the bud now. Don't let that "woman" win in her attempts to eliminate dad from his son's life.

These people irk me, who are jealous of new SO's even though they have remarried and had kids. Like they are allowed to move on but still keep pining for the ex and heaven forbid when they move on and are happy. To heck with the kids' relationship with the parent.

Read our articles on visitation and documentation.

[sschoden]

He knows that not seeing his son isn't the answer....it was his way of expressing frustration to me over the whole matter.  He would never have gone through with that decision.  I know that he loves his boy very much and the two of them have a wonderful relationship.  

We do have court ordered visitation outlined in the documents from 7 years ago, but the ex changes the days and times to make things more convenient for her and her schedule and the heck with us.  If we ever ask for a bit of flexibility, she throws a huge tamtrum and lectures my husband about the "horrible father" she thinks he is, etc.  She'll plan activities for the boy on our weekends or weekdays or will not let the boy come to see his dad because he didn't perform at school that day.....seems to me like seeing his father shouldn't be used as an incentive or punishment -- it's a court order.  

I realize that I am pretty much caught in the middle and really don't have a whole lot of say in this matter, but it really makes me mad that after so many years, she's apparently still bitter and loves to try to jerk MY husband around.  We know that her marriage hasn't been going that well (lots of fighting, yelling, and throwing things at each other in front of the kids).  I can't help but wonder if she isn't, as you put it, "pining for the ex" in some way.  It's really pathetic.  I know it would probably make the situation worse and that's the only reason I don't pick up the phone myself and tell her that she needs to grow up and get over herself....it's not about her anymore, it's about the boy.  It just doesn't look like she'll figure that out any time soon, though.

Thank you so much for your reply.  I'll keep you all updated.

[reagantrooper]

"My poor husband just wants it all to stop and is willing at this point to sever all ties with the boy just to make her go away. Is that even possible?"

WTF is this about? I dont care how much of a C**t the X is! He should never even think like this EVER again!

Dont give up the fight, What ever the cost!

[sschoden]

Ummm....yeah....that's why I stated in the reply just above your comment that he knows this isn't the answer.  He was simply expressing frustration.  We've all done that....you know, made unrealistic comments just because we're upset or frustrated.  He knows that he has a safe environment with me to do just that and he knows that I don't judge him for it.  He would never actually sever ties with his son.  He loves that little boy soooo much and he's an absolutely wonderful father.

Trust me, he's in the fight!!  She won't get away with her behavior, it'll just take some time to figure out the most effective way to combat it while at the same time protecting the boy from as much of her negative impact as possible.

Thank you for your concern and encouragement.  She is really becoming a huge problem and I really appreciate any advice/tips anyone can provide.  

[mad_as_hell]

Take her to court.  be the first to get it in there.  If she is denying you court ordered visitation and holiday shcedules than she is in violation of a court order and can be punished for it.  Talk to a lawyer... soon.