Can anyone tell me where to start.

[Bo311]

I am exhausted and to the point I don't know where to start from.  I have been separated from my wife about 3 years. .  I moved away from San Diego and I now live in Tulare County (Visalia).  It has been been an on going battle with her since the day I have left to see my 4 year old son.  I have since then started a relationship with a person that I have become serious with.  The hell with my ex-wife has just gotten worse. She will not allow me to pick up my son and bring him over for the weekend. When she calls it's to fight and pry into my life and give me lectures.  It seems the only way I will have any time with my son is if I agree to go over and spend the night at her house.  I am tired of playing games and trying to get along with her just to have her make my life more difficult. I do admit that I may have not been as responsible as I should have in our marriage, but that is no reason to forbid me to see my son.  All that I am asking for is to be a part of my sons life.  I don't mind going to court and paying support or whatever I have to do, I just want to be able to see him without having to fight endlessly over it.  My ex is still stuck on revenge and making me suffer.  I don't believe that she has once thought about what is in the best interest of our son, or she would keep us apart for months at a time.  I don't appreciate the way she uses him as a pon to hurt me and to blackmail me into her tricks.  I'm tired of playing the blame game and pointing fingers. I just don't know where to start.  I was told I needed a Lawyer in the San Diego area because that is where she lives.   All I want is to have a set schedule of weekends where we can meet (since I live 6 hours way from them) for me to pick him up.  I am not the type of father who can forget about his child and go on with life as if he didn't exist.  I care about my son and I want to be in his life and him to be a part of mine.  If you can help me, please let me know.   I live in Tulare county, so maybe we can get started on line or phone calls and then if  I have to go up there we can plan for that.  I want the fighting to be over and to be able to love my son.

[shawneetears]

Bo,

Has Custody/Visitation never been set?  Either in a seperation agreement, divorce order (which might have incorporated a seperation agreement) or by a consent order?  What about Child Support?  
Yes, you had better look for an attorney in the SD area....if you get one local to you (and you can if you like) you will have to pay him for his time in court if it goes that far...and it may well....which will be XXX amount of dollars per hour plus any expenses and time will start from the time they pull out of the driveway till they pull back in....a very expensive proposition.
If you already have an order then you can force her to follow it or be held in contempt.  If you do not then you will need one.  If money is an issue for her as well then tell her you are willing to hammer out an agreement to save you all the expense and stress or you are willing to do things the hard way and let a judge do it for you. Stress that the bottom line is only the best interst of the child.
The most important thing you can be doing now is documenting...everything....  see the parenting time tracker on this site... also keep a journal....state facts.... ie "talked to son today for xxxx amount of time.... he is doing _____ in school (or whatever he tells you)  you can say you miss him, you can say you love him... you should NOT say how mean his mom is to keep him from you....but you can say you are frustrated that you havent' seen him in xx number of days....see what I mean?....
There are some excellent resources on this site...do some digging, ask questions (be specific) .

Hope this helps.
wish you all the best life has to offer!  :)

[speciallady]

Are you dealing with?

[child in mind]

First of all, you dont need to hire an attorney in an area that she lives in...but it wouldnt hurt.  Just in case a background investigation needs to be done.  Secondly, you need to file for vistitation in the town that the child resides in.  Also, you need to document EVERYTHING that she does so that when you do have your moment in court, you have dates to back it up.

[flewwellin]

If you look at the FAQ board and click on visitation or custody(not sure which) it might really help you.  I read that you should get "new blood" an attorney from the same area as her probably has had some sort of relationship if only a working one with the attorney she picks.  What I mean is they will know how the other attorney will react to a certain sittutation, and even the judge could anticipate how your lawyer would react.  So what I would do is go to the county over or even your own county and talk to lawyers about it.  Don't hire the first one that you talk to.  Do your research and save some mega bucks because the second you are taken to court more than likely you will have to start paying some for of child support.  So be prepared. Ask as many legal questions as you can before you have to hand out that check every month.  And good luck!

[SadStepMom]

Kim Marie Staron - highly recommended lawyer.  She has helped several people on this website

[Bo311]

is she in the San diego area?

[Bo311]

Yes i found some examples of letter to send the her and the court asking to exercise my visitation rights. i started to send these. I asked for this Christmas...just like i thought...she didn't reply. So i had to tell my girlfriend..i had to leave for Christmas AGAIN. I went down and spent Christmas Eve there. It just makes me mad...becuase i KNOW that's what she wants...for me to have to travel up there and see him on HER TERMS.  Needless to say at least my girlfriend understands...and i got to spend Christmas with him. But i'll keep sending her the letters.  Im going to try and go as far as i can without getting a Lawyer.  I've already called the County of San Diego to have my child support taken out of my checks. I have been told my everyone i have talked to-to document everything...so i'll start that as well.

[SadStepMom]

Yes she is.  

KIM MARIE STARON LAW OFFICE
2801 CAMINO DEL RIO S # 205
SAN DIEGO,  CA  
(619) 574-8000


I can't tell you how much I would recommend her.  Unfortunately, our case was moved out of San Diego, but I know she has won custody for at least 2 father's that have posted here before.