Where Did They Go?

[laneybugsmom]

Wow I havent been on these boards in a long time...but here it goes:

After nine long years of constant battling with BM..who was very bad at getting SD here for visitations and constantly doing everything she could to fill the poor child full of nonsense, things became REALLY difficult.  SD is now 11.  Her behavior has been out of hand for some time...in recent years she's become mouthy, destructive, physically aggressive towards DD who is half her size.

We had SD over Christmas..after a BM phone call all hell broke loose more or less..SD started ranting she didnt want to be here, she wanted to go home, she was lipping off, it was just ugly.  DH told her that he would take her home.  Sending her to her room did nothing to improve her attitude.  She really acted as if she was being forced to stay.  Over the years we've always maintained the "family" environment, vacations, family activities, we're easy going, few rules, the norm, takes baths, brush teeth, eat good, show respect .. ya know.  She's never much liked the basics, taking a bath was a battle, brushing teeth was a battle, eating was a battle..if it didnt come in a paper bag she didnt want it.  Her mother's way of life was "norm" and ours must have been bizarre.  DH and I have been together almost 10yrs..her mother has been married 5 times since then and has 3 other kids by 3 different men.

So Im not surprised SD is so "damaged" by all of it.  So as we were taking her home after Xmas DH made the difficult decision that if SD felt she was being forced to come for visits and disliked us so much she didnt have to come until she was ready to see him again.

I wont lie, it has been a peaceful break BUT..we've given her mother a break as well she was responsible for transportation the hour and a half here and back...and she was very poor at it..when they showed up they were late.  But most of the time over the last few years it got to where she wouldnt show up at all...they'd go for 2 months at a time with excuse after excuse. Then she'd come and it would start all over again not bringing her.

Her grandmother called in March saying SD was freaked out thinking we'd moved already..we are relocating to NC when we sell our house..but no we are still here and we'd notify them well ahead when we DO move.  We went on vacation to NC and when we got back DH tried calling them..left a message to speak to his daughter and no one returned his call.  He called again in May and left a few messages..no calls returned.  We've tried calling this month and keep getting a voice mailbox saying it was full and then we'd be disconnected.  This has gone on for a couple weeks.  So last night we drove the hour and a half because gut feeling tells ya something isnt right....they have moved.

Court order states anytime they move or change a number they have to notify him in a timely manner.  We receive her report cards by mail, she did finish the school year from all appearances.  BM is not to move out of state without 45days written notice.  I doubt they did but there is no telling where they are.

This is a huge violation.  even though DH made the decision he did, he has every right to enforce his visitation if he so chooses and never did he say he wanted all contact with her cut off.  He gave her time, the girl has a lot of emotional things going on, on top of coming into her pre-teen years she has family stress....her grades nosedived over the school year, a lot of tardies, so the question is what is going on with the poor girl?  And now the bigger question is, where the heck are they?

So I assume all we can do is file a comtempt of court, right? I mean it shouldnt be too hard for them to find her, the child support checks are going somewhere!  Anyone know what happens when people pull the disappearing act like this?  BM has been so lucky, we've tried for custody, with good proof of how shotty that household is, from being exposed to people using drugs, to how poorly SD's grades and attendance is to her health in general...and still, nothing.  Basically she's hiding the girl now, they have NOT contacted us, we havent moved, our number is the same, we still live in the same house...but they dont and they arent taking calls or returning calls ... something has to be done.

Has anyone had to deal with this before and what was the outcome?

[ocean]

Do you know any of BM family's numbers? He could ask the school where her records are being sent to if she requested them yet. You may have to wait until the summer when she registers in the new school. Good luck!