In-State Move question - Virginia

[jacnrew]

Hello,

I am a non-custodial father residing in Virginia and have joint legal custody to my 7-year old daughter.  Mother has primary physical custody and shares joint legal custody with me.  In addition, both mother and I have married and have significant others in our lives of which both step-father and step-mother are active in our 7-year old's life.  Mother and I have never been married to each other.

Presently, I have a court ordered arrangement to have my daughter stay with me every other weekend (on an overnight basis) and interim visitation in her hometown.  In addition, special holidays have been worked out between mother and I in this court order which was established in Sept 2005.

I reside approximately 45-mins from her present residence and in the court order, it states that I am responsible for providing all transporation to and from on those weekend visits and interim visits.  (Which is perfectly okay with me).

I am now understanding that the mother wishes to move within Virginia, but unfortunately from a 45-min distance, it would be increased to a 3-hour (one-way) distance.  Naturally I am opposed to this, because it would put a great burden on the time my daughter and I spend with each other.  I am not sure on the reason for the move, however, the mother is a new mother with a 3-month old (my daughters new younger sister) and that child's natural grandparents live in the new potential residence.

I have read throughout SPARC that it appears I must prove that this move may cause harm to the child on several factors.  I would prefer now for my daughter to live with me, because there are more opportunities for continuing a better improvement in educational needs (I have school reports from Virginia which would prove this), in addition more opportunity to develop skills and activites that are present in my hometown than in the new potential residence.  I also have documentation, voice recordings more specifically, indicating that I am a "bad" father without parental skills, which is absolutely false - and evidence of Parental Alienation Syndrome.  I also provide health, medical, dental insurance and child support, which has been uninterrupted since the child was 1-year old.  My daughter and I have a loving relationship, however, she is torn and confused as to what to do.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what my chances are in regards to this being upheld in court?

Of course changes may be requested in the order, and I am only seeking joint physical custody for the school year, with a majority of of the summer to the mother and likely 75-80% of major holiday's with the mother.  I am trying to be equal and considerate to keeping the mother involved in my daughter's life, since I am requesting 9-months with me for the school year.

I am curious for any case-law or opinions of others.

If I am forgetting any further information that may be helpful, please do not hesitate to ask, I will follow this thread greatly.  Thank you for your time and assistance to this delicate situation.

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

Note that I'm not an attorney, and you should consult one in your state to really nail down the issues you're facing.

Here's my opinion (as you asked)...

I don't see how a 2.25 hour greater distance suddenly changes a child's welfare so much as to warrant a change of custody; unless the new location is so far below average what is acceptable for raising children.  I'm guessing that's not the case.

You list only reasons why you're "better" than the mother.  Unfortunately, that's not good enough once custody is established.  The mother has to be largely unfit in some capacity before a judge would consider a custody change.

Voice recordings of the mother calling you a bad father without parenting skills?  Welcome to the vast population of parents who face conflicts in child custody.  It's not evidence of PAS.  It's evidence that the mother has a bad opinion of your parenting skills, true or not.

If that's your biggest argument against mom, I really don't see you getting custody.

You're not saying that the mother denies you access, you're not saying that the mother is physically abusive, you're not saying that the mother is an addict.  Those are biggies, but they're not in your case.

Also, your most recent orders were made in Sept 2005.  So, you don't stand much hope to say, "Look, the child was 2 when we made these orders, and she can now tolerate greater stretches of time in my home."

HOWEVER, I think you'd be very reasonable to now put most or all of transportation responsibility on the mother.  It's HER choice to move 3 hours away.  You shouldn't have to share that burden.

Given that you may not stand much of a chance at anything else via a motion, your best approach may be to try to negotiate (directly with mother) more summer and spring break time with your daughter in exchange for agreeing to the move if the mother is responsible for X% of the transportation (i.e., ranging from 0% to 100%, whatever you negotiate).

Also consider that your daughter is going to start hating those long 3-hour car rides four times a month.  Sucks for her.

Another option is for you to move to that new town, and try to negotiate more frequent visitation, given that you now live 2 miles from the mother.  Judge may go for that too.