Christmas Stay

[awakenlynn]

We have transportation responsibility over Christmas break.  We get the entire break.  We contact ex in mid October to let her know dates and if she was going to be driving into town-so we could plan accordingly.  She said yes, we could switch with her summer transportation and we said not, because if she drove she would drive SD here 3 days late and want her picked up 3 days early.  We said, no, looking at her drive schedule, we would just purchase the ticket.  We did and sent her the information at the end of October.
THEN, we hear from friends in her state last week, that they are going out of town this friday(today/yesterday-looking at time).  Pick-up is now only 5 days away.
She tells us in an e-mail going out the door, by the way, there is a family emergency and we left, SD won;t be on the flight.
We say since she choose to change plans so last minute, she should be responsible for the plane ticket we purchased in good faith.  We checked with airlines and we can't use the second half of the ticket since ex didn't use first portion.  Now we are out almost $350 for a ticket,  We can cancel, but to reissue later will charge us a big fee.  We can't afford to purchase a new ticket, even using the cancelled ticket money.  She will refuse and blame us for buying the ticket even though she had months notice.
She will also claim family emergency--I need a somewhat tactful way to tell her to prove it.  We are going to call the SD school and see what they have.  They pulled SD out 3-4 days early and are going to want us to return SD 3 days early so she doesn' miss any more school.
We e-mailed a very stern letter stating she is responsible for the ticket, she will reimburse us, she will be picking daughter up on the last day of vacation as per the orders.  She can choose to fly home with SD from the airport here or she can pick SD up at airport and drive home.  If she misses school, so be it, I will get assignments from school and have SD do them here.  We told her we are not arguing with her, everything we stated is nonnegotiable and if she sends any negative e-mail it will be forwarded to the appropriate people(our attorney and court records).  And the negative e-mail will not be responded to.  Any negative response will have us consider she accepted the driving option and told her where we would be at what time.

Any suggestions?

[dontunderstand]

If it is in the court order, CONTEMPT HER and ask the court to make her reimburse you.  The court should make her prove a  family emergency.  If you have proof of the crappy driving arrangements she was trying to give you in October, all the better, because to me it just looks like she had plans, you said no, she is doing it anyway!

[awakenlynn]

The court order just says we are responsible for Christmas stay transportation.  I thought about it, but thought small claims court would be easier to prove.  We could then have that judgement admitted into court and prove the contempt.  

I am sure about the contempt, because she is just changing the transportation to the area, we still get SD the same day and a couple hours early.  We are still in the air about the return.  We have sent a stern letter stating the return date and time will remain the same regardless of the transportation the ex chooses.0

[awakenlynn]

Ex e-mailed us.  She took the ticket we purchased for SD and had it re-issued for a one way ticket to return SD in January.    One one hand she did pay the difference, but we still lost the $100 for the reissueance.  What has us so mad is that she didn't contact us to ask us about these changes, she just did it with our money.  I am not sure if I am more mad that she is lying to us about why they left early instead of putting SD on the flight, or that she made changes with out our thoughts.  She she have had to ask permission?  By changing the ticket, did she steal the money, or should we just drop it since originally we were responsible for the transportation this visit or did she void this by changing things?  
We still pick up SD on the same day, just a different place.  She refuses to meet halfway, or anywhere neutral.  She wants if at her mothers home.  Her husband will be there and his temper tends to fly.  We don't want him to go off on my husband or even lose his temper with 4 kids present.  We plan to tape the pick-up.  Because it is out doors, we can videotape it right?  Outdoors has no expectation of privacy?  I want to make sure it can stand up in court.  We also hope to contact the police department there and see if we can get an escort.  We would like it if they stayed alittle distant, so as not to scare SD(almost 13), but we want the presence there in case stepdad tries something, so we can have a report and press charges if need be.  i know some departments aren't too happy to do it, is there anything else we can do?

Thanks

[dontunderstand]

You maybe able to pursue the $$$ issue, however if it is $100.00 (and that is alot, I know!) but I think court may cost you more.  I think you may need to weigh the "lesser of 2 evils"  It is frusterating, they ALWAYS manage to do enough to make things miserable, but not so much that they will get in trouble.  UUUGGGHHH!!!

How far away is pick up from your home?  Would it be possible for a 3rd party to pick her up???

[MixedBag]

I agree with taping the pick up or take a witness with you.

I agree to ask the police department to do a civil standby -- maybe they can get a plain clothes officer to stand by.  (Then again, if you have a tape rolling, this might be unnecessary.)  A person who wants to create trouble will do so EVEN if police are present -- because they focus on causing trouble instead of thinking about the fact that there are children present.

As for the ticket, I'd personally let that one go because you were responsible for purchasing the ticket and providing the transportation.  Yes, mom changed it and she paid the difference.  So, my question would become just how much did you really have to spend extra in terms of money?  I think the real answer is the gasoline money it costs to go get SD for the beginning of the trip.  (and wasn't that a 3 hour one-way drive?)

Actually let me edit and add....based on your last answer to Soc.  Was the ticket originally in and out of Chicago?  And now Mom is driving to Chicago?  If that is true, then I'd agree with BM in that you're not even out the gasoline money because you would have had to drive to Chicago based on the airline ticket.  

I'm not sure I would agree that you lost $100 for reissuance....

IF SD comes, you pay the airline costs.

Mom took the ticket and took the value of the ticket and changed it into a one way and paid the difference due to HER emergency.  I read soc's response, but I think that I would have done the same thing if I were Mom.  Wouldn't you have?

Now I get that Mom didn't CALL and TELL you about the changes in the ticket beforehand, but look at the bottom line on your end which should be the overall TIME Dad was supposed to have with SD.

If you get her on the same day and return her on the same day, where's the REAL harm done?

Now if I remember correctly, you won't be getting her on the same day, but she's returning on the same day.....so your true damages are the missed time.

So if anything, if you think you should take her to court for contempt, look at your damages (which I think amount to a delayed day in pick up and gasoline costs (maybe lost wages if you had to take a day off work)) and then weigh that against contempt.  

You might be able to add the missed days on to your summer time and agree to that part.

Mom had an emergency -- and fixed (paid for) the additional cost for transportation.  Think about the third element required to prove contempt.  Not sure a judge would agree with you when compared to the time, money, and emotional stress you'll endure that comes with another court battle.

pick and choose your battles wisely.....