Complex divorce, visitation issues, South Carolina Military

[MILITARY_DAD]

 My name is Cameron and I am new to this site. Any advice and/or recomendations would be greatly appreciated.

 I am an Active duty Army recruiter stationed in SC. I have been in the Army for 10 years now. I have been going through a very ugly divorce since Nov 2004. I am the father of almost 5 year old twin boy's. I have not been allowed to see or talk with them since Apr 15 2005. This is my story.

  I was married in july 99. Boys were born in may 01. The marriage had not been a good marriage, constant arguing and bickering throughout entire marriage. Wife enjoyed my deployments to Afghanistan, and Iraq, (more $$$ while deployed and no turmoil, her being able to have complete control). Pulled out of Iraq to go to recruiting school Dec 03. Moved to wifes hometown to be a recruiter may 04. I have allway's had a loving relationship with the boy's. wife never worked, had the boy's in daycare at 16 months, to give wife a break, also to let the boy's learn social skills and be around other children. The boy's have allway's thrived in daycare, and enjoyed being there plus it gave Mom a break. As I said before, moved to SC may 04. The boy's started a new daycare, I was home now more than ever before. The arguing and bickering continued nonstop, I finally moved out in Nov 04. I tried to make things as easy as I could for Mom and boy's. I still picked up boy's from daycare every other day, would take them to their house and stay, untill it was bath time then I would tuck them into bed. I left wife with checking account, did not want to create any kind of financial hardship for her or the boy's. Wife talked with attorney in Dec 04. Temporary hearing Jan 4th 2005. Wife alleges to court in her affidavit that the children have been physically abused by me since they were babies. Wifes father (retired judge from same county coaberates in affidavit). The ruling judge appoints a GAL, awards wife CS, alimony, daycare costs, vehicle payment. The order did state that my visitation would now be supervised, wife father would be the supervisor. Order also stated that GAL would make recomendation to court no later than 1 June 05, whether or not the allegations were substantiated. If allegations not substantiated, I would revert to having the boy's every other weekend, alternating holiday's, 4 weeks in Summer. State of south carolina, have to be separated for 1 year before divorce can be granted. Then custody would be determined at final hearing.
GAL met with me at my office for 30 min in Feb. Gal supervised one visit with children in Mar 05. She spent entire visit talking with wifes father. boy's did state some alarming things to me while in her presance, ie Daddy why did you hit colton in the head? Daddy you dont live with us anymore because you don't love us. Daddy why did you take all the money away from mommy? These are quotes that were said to me in the presance of the GAL. After that visit, the visitations started going downhill.
3rd weekend in Mar visit children were not there. The CO did not allow me to make Phone calls to the boy's. 1st weekend in Apr visitation boy's not there. Apr 16th, children not there, Apr 17th Sunday, children there, I had video camera mounted in car to document that visitation was not taking place. Wife was present for visitation with father. Wifes father would not allow me to play with boy's in front yard. stated that visitation would take place in house. I did not agree. wifes father stated that he was the supervisor, and he made the rules. I told him that I was still the boy's father nomatter what he thought and that I was going to play with the children outside, I then proceded to help one of my sons put on his tennis shoes. wifes father pushed me off of the steps and proceeded to strike me in the face. My kids were visably upset and yelling for their granddad to stop hitting their daddy. My wife then took the boy's inside the house and brought the phone outside to her dad, he called the police and said that I had battered him while at visitation. I walked back to my car and waited for the police to arrive. The officers arrived, would not talk with me because I had not been the one to file the complaint. I was arrested on simple assault charges, I asked the officer to let me show him video camera which was in car, and asked him to ask children what had happened. Officer refused to allow me access to my car, however went inside to talk to the boy's, officer came back and said that the boy's stated that I had tried to hurt their grandpa. In jail bonded out next day on $500.00 bond, upon leaving the detention facility I was rearrested, the original charge simple assault hasd been upgraded to Felony Assault and Battery of a High and Aggravated Nature. At bond hearing wife was present with her father. They stated that I had body slammed her dad, and stomped repeatedly on his head. That they feared for their lives and the safety of the boy's, that I was a monster. I was not allowed to speak at all. Judge ordered $100,000.00 surety bond. I did not have $10,000.00 to get out, spent 2 more day's in jail, went to a bond reduction hearing. Paid $1,000.00 got out with stipulations, order of protection was issued preventing me from any kind of contact with wife or boy's, I could not enter that county except for court procedings. Rule to show cause had been filed in Family court the initial day of my arrest revoking any and all contact with children, written report by GAL accompanied the rule to show cause, stating that I had subjected the boy's to violence.
 I went to get my car from impound, went to see a criminal attorney, showed video tape that showed exactly what happened at my visitation. My atty contacted the solicters office, soliciters stated that the evidence could only be entered at the criminal hearing 5 weeks from then. At hearing in june, case was continued because wife and father could not make it. rescheduled for last week in July, again case was continued to Aug, same reason. Aug hearing, wife and father were not present. Judge would not view video tape, stated she had a personal relationship with my wifes father. Transferred case to another county last week in Sep. At Sep hearing, soliciter informed me and my attorney that all charges had been dismissed. reason being due to health problems with wifes father.
 Rule to show cause hearing is still pending in Fam court.
 Feb 1st 2006, pretrial hearing, only attorney's and GAL allowed in court room. Judge asked where they were at in the case, my attorney said that I had not seen nor spoken with boy's since Apr 17 2005. Judge questioned GAL as to her being on the case and absolutely nothing being done in a year. GAL stated that she reccomended that my wife and I have Psyche Evals completed, and that be used to determine joint custody. The Judge ordered it and also ordered mediation to take place after the psyche evals are completed. Psyche eval $1,500.00 end of Feb, mediation to start on 30 MAR.
 My Family court Atty is very competant in all that she does, say's that everything will go in my favor, with all of the lies that had taken place, everything is going to point to a very vindictive, evil person who does not care about the children, but only cares about control, and $$$.
 Wifes atty actually made a proposal, wife wants what she is getting now for the next 4 years. no-joint custody. My attorney Refused!!!
What I have found out through this whole nightmare, is that i am husband # 5, The boy's are her and my only children. 4 of the 5 husbands have all been in the military, allegations of abuse have been brought in all her divorces. She has gotten alimony and a new car in each of her divorces. The only differance in our marriage is that we have children. This is my 1st and only marriage.
 The boy's are the only people who matter to me in all of this. I will greatly appreciate any advice that is offered.

                                Thankyou SFC SHOEMAKER

[Lil527]

fight fight fight. As you are in SC you have a chance at full custody with her having visitation (preferrably supervised). Since her father has been implicated due to videotape and perjury, her 4 previous husbands (unstable environment) PAS'ing the kids, Fight for everything now. This is not the best environment for your kids.

[madinbama]

Yes yo do have it hard, but as said before, fight, fight, fight for the children's sake.  I have been in the same situation in that my EX tried to bring up domestic violence in the Ohio court, court of final decree.  The judge dismissed any and all allegations of abuse and awarded me liberal visitation rights with my kids.  My EX moved out of state, to Nevada, and continued to deny me any time with the kids.  The jurisdiction was finally moved to Nevada where I thought I'd get a fair shake at her again...was I wrong!  After the first court appearance out there I was found to be domestically viloent toward her but not the kids.  I was furious!  Come to find out that her father was/is best friends with the judge who heard the case (my kids told me afterwards that they had been at his house numerous times, he had been at theirs, and they called him and his wife by their first names).  I made an appeal to the ethics commission, but before it could be heard he was not reelected (go figure) to the bench.  During this entire time she continued/continues to violate the visitation orders, putting her own demands on visitation.  Well needless to say I have a pending supreme court case in Nevada against her, and if need be I will take it to the US Supreme Court because it is about my time with my kids, and the lies she has had put on record by a biased judge.  Again fight, fight, fight for your children's sake!

[awakenlynn]

I would take a voice recorder into the supervised visits.  Make sure everything is recorded.  Try and take someone unbiased to you that can act as a witness for your visits.

File assault charges and false arrest against ex-wife/father somewhere like in small claims court.  If you win, that judgement can be held against them.  I would try and find those other 4 husbands and get to know them, see if they can help you.  See if you can use their divorce papers and a pattern with her.  Ask them if any of them got marriage counseling or therapy(her).  That might be able to be used.

Every visit, phone call, communication with everyone, record it and document it.

Because of the commotion in the supervised visitation with ex's father, file for a change in supervision.  Request maybe a social worker in the new county.  She/He would have a less likely chance to know ex or her family and be more inclined to be unbiased.

Take you name off of the checking account.  Document everything you spend on your sons.  Because she chooses daycare and not to work, in some states, the court can order her to find a part time position or change the child support amount and order her to pay the same.  Ask that because the day care is her choice, not needed, that the day care be split 70/30.  Make sure any child support is going through the court.  Do not send any money to her.  If she asks for extra, make sure you have a bill and make it out to the biller.

Make sure you have your children on health insurance.

We are a military family(both sides-us and ex) in IL.

Good luck and remember its for the kids that you are fighting.  Make sure you keep your camera and tape recorder on you at any time.  You never know if you would run into someone in the store and they want to make problems.

[wow]

man oh man what a deal you got !!!

something needs to be done when mothers restrict access to children. This women needs to be stopped. I hope you get custody as it sounds like you trully love those boys. Hope all goes well

from canada

wow

[MILITARY_DAD]

   I already know that I will not be granted full custody. I am hoping to at least get joint custody 50/50. South Carolina will not grant full custody to a male, unless the mother is incarrcerated or not living. In S.C. a mother can have a needle in her arm, and a @#$% in her mouth, and be doing this in front of the children, and the court will still keep them with their mother. This is a very bias state. Thanks for the post.
                  SFC SHOEMAKER