PAS

[kevkermit]

Just wondering what others think.

I realize there are many Custodial parents out there that do this to their children but what about Non custodial parents?

Just curious on how others see this.

[wow]

Oh i am sure, that this happens quite frequently. It is just too bad that the children are the ones that get hurt the most. Yes the parent on the other side can get hurt , but really think of the long term emotional damage to a child. This is what I believe to be the worst type of abuse around.

People should grow up, get over thier insecurites and do what is truly best for those little hearts.

in canada
wow

[Sunshine1]

Helll-loooo.  Thank you for this post.  We have this going on big time on our side and from BOTH sides.  My ex and I got along famously until he married Atilla, and BM has always been a nightmare, but more so these last few years.  She will stop at nothing to try and turn the children against their dad inhopes that they will say that they want to live with her so she can try for custody.

There is nothing on this green earth that would want to make those kids live with her EVER.  My ex however I was prepared to do shared parenting with until the SM came along.  Holy cow!  She is bi-polar and what's up is down and what's down is up in that woman's world and nothing makes sense.  EX did not know she was bipolar when he married her.   We can't even do a simple exchange without some hidden agenda that we are sleeping together.   She doesn't want the kids to be happy or Ex she wants it all in constant turmoil.  He decided to turn his back on the children instead of dragging them and me through it I guess.  I think he is a weiner but the kids are definately safer I will say that!

Anyway off on my tangent....Yes we have PAS from a NCP-BM.  The things the chidlrne come home saying is totally insane and it takes 2 weeks to get them through and what do you know its time again for a visit.....and As the World Turns...gets old after awhile....except the children are on to her and they are only 9 & 8.

[gidgetgirl]

XH views DS' love as a contest or as an exclusive prize, and so he says and does things in the hopes that one day DS will turn to XH and exclude me.

We had 57%/43% placement until XH had legal problems and had to move in w/ family 3.5 hours away.  Now it's just EOweekend

[Kboeds]

I have posted many times about this situation. Everything you read about PAS refers to the CP turning the kids against the NCP. I'm here to tell you it works the other way and it works very well. It takes longer but they eventually win.

I lost my daughter 2 years ago next month. I was CP for 14 1/2 years. BF and SM had been telling her since she was a small child when you turn 13 you can say you want to live with us. It took them 1 1/2 years longer then they wanted but the finally promised her enough and made me look bad enough and won.

DD sees the light now. They have not followed through with one promise. They completely lied to her about things and she sees.

I would be happy to share my story if you want to hear it. It has been a crazy road and the most painful thing I have ever dealt with or survived.

KB

[gidgetgirl]

Because I see this in the future.  Not that a child living with the other parent is bad- NOT ALL ALL!  I take issue with the manipulation and hurt and damage that it will cause/is causing DS.  DS has had divided loyalties from a young age, despite me doing everything I can to encourage DS to love and respect BOTH of his parents.  

[Kboeds]

My story is very long so I will tell you what I wish I had done differently.

This sounds terrible and I hate to even think that this would have prevented anything, but I wish I hadn't been so nice and I wish I hadn't encourage the relationship with BF and SM as much as I did.

I wrote a very long reply and just deleted it. While I was typing it came to me that there was nothing I could do that would have prevented it. I guess my only possible recourse would have been reverse PAS but I didn't want to be like that.

I was too nice, I gave them too much time, I allowed SM to be too invloved. I kick myself every day for all the things I did for those two. All the while they were working, twisting my DD's head against me.

The best part is that DD would still believe all their lies if she hadn't gone to live with them. Now she knows! She see's and I actually have more time with her then I did when I had custody.

The bad part, DD took a giant section of my heart and ripped it out and I will not give her another one. I will not let her or her father do that to me again. I Refuse.

Sorry I couldn't help. You would not imagine the anger that is flowing through my body as I type these things. I will never forgive them for what they have done.  

[gipsy]

Trying to keep this short , I will summarize :
     I have been through a lot of the custodial mother working against me : And I have sought professional help ,
   Every time professionals point me toward not talking to my son about this , And if I do to keep it to reasurrance that I love him , And to make him comfortable and hapy when he is with me < Of course disipline has to me there also ,
   And the one thing that I was told was to tell my son "  yes Mom say's these things and she can think this if she wants to " But I love you and I won't hurt you And I alway's want to see you "
   And the more I stay away from this issue and keep MY relationship with my son clean and free of the crappola , Even in offhanded comments ,
  The better it is ,
 Think about it " If you involve your sellf in the spy counter spy drama BS , It will be used against you, to the child ,
  So if you are clean and  drop the drama . and say good things about the other parent ,
   Like I had to say things to my son like"""" I know your mom loves you " nd she is a good cook " Or any little thing , Then it doesn't portray the animosity  to my son , And guess what ?
  This makes  my relationship  with my son better " And he figures it out ,
  trust me continued involvement in this crap will hurt the kids > No Matter how wrong the other parent is ,
  It is fairly simple , If your child has good feeling's when with you , And you have a good relationship , then the child will see who makes them less comfortable , or more comfortable ,
   Kids are perceptive . And they will try there hand in the game if you play , they see the big bad plan between mom and dad and Of course they will play ,
  Just try to be a good parent !