Should we take right of first refusal? Try to change parenting time?

[angel]

Our son's bio mom who is NCP is entitled to parenting time adding up to around 120 days per year. She takes him only 80 of those days, and we have since learned that in reality, even though she "has" son, she really doesn't all except for about 35-40 of those days per year. Bio mom sends son off (on what is supposed to be HER parenting/bonding time) to either friends' homes, other relatives homes, pretty much to anywhere, or to anyone who will take him. Her parenting time is Friday evening to Sunday evening for three weekends per month, and unfortunately the weekend is her "sick" time (read "party time").

Should we try to get parenting time adjusted accordingly? We are losing time with son, just so bio mom can ship him off to whomever will "babysit" so she can go play. We feel this isn't in the best interest of the child, since it's supposed to be bonding time and even our lawyer has said that it would be considered neglect in the eyes of the law.

But is this something we *should* do? Like say for example try to take it down to 2 weekends per month? We just don't think that son should be off with God knows who when he could be with us.  

P.S. This is an ongoing weekend after weekend issue, it's not a once in awhile thing.

[speciallady]

How old is the child? I think the age of SS might play a huge part in what might be filed.
I do believe during that parents time, they too have the right to have anyone watch child--ie, I see you wrote he goes to relatives homes. That is not necessarily a bad thing.
You could probably file for ROFR, which may or may not help. I see lots of folks having this and unless its very very specific, it creates more headaches than anything else..
I dont believe you can change the parenting plan based on what you posted---and the cost and court time might far out-weigh any changes that might happen.
It's frustrating and your lawyer telling you this is neglect? nope--unless the child is harmed in some way or is suffering psychological effects (hard to prove) from being babysat by others....this is not neglect. Shoot, tons of folks have to work long hour days just to survive and the kids are babysat constantly..that is not neglect.
Talk to another lawyer though--unless there is something in the current court order that prohibits mom from doing this?
Good luck

[angel]

Thank you for your reply, and yes, I wrote that he goes to relatives homes--I also wrote that he goes to friends' homes, or whomever will take him --even just acquaintances, including people who are known drug users, just so she can go out.

According to what our lawyer said, if this happened once in awhile for her to send him off like that it would be ok, but this happens every single time, and that since she really HAS very little time with him, what she time she has she SHOULD be using as bonding time, and since she's not,  that's a neglectful mother in the eyes of the law.

He said for example--if she only has him 6 hours out of the whole weekend on a regular basis without a good excuse, it equals neglectful actions (and she's lucky if she has him 6 hours, because he even spends the nights at other people's homes--it's rare for son to sleep in her house).

Lawyer also says that if she were working, that would be different, but she doesn't spend time with son simply because she has "better" things to do--things like getting her hair and nails done, going out to concerts, getting high, etc. Her excuse to son (who is 10, btw) is that she is "sick" so that he won't feel bad about her not wanting to spend time with him and having other things that obviously mean more to her than he does.

I am in total agreement that children SHOULD have availability to other family members--but NOT at the expense of what SHOULD be the child's time with mother/father. In all honesty, who should be spending more time with a child? A cousin? or a bio mom? Shouldn't it BE the mother if at all possible for the most part? (I'm not talking about son spending 2 or 3 hrs every weekend visiting with other relatives or going to a friend's birthday party, or occasionally spending the night with grandma and grandpa, (which is all healthy, and should be part of every child's life). I think you can understand what I'm trying to say....

What parent would even WANT that time if they're not actually USE it to be with their child? It just isn't logical, and isn't "parentlike" in any way shape or form (and I'm NOT talking about parents who have to work and then come home and treasure what little time they get). I'm talking about ones who COULD be completely available, but take themselves away to do other things on a constant basis.

I agree with you in the fact that it's not neglect when a parent has other duties that MUST be attended to, but what about when it's not? And in MY "mothers" mind, it's neglectful for ANY woman to not spend that time with her child when she's able to, (especially when there's so precious little of it!) and simply chooses NOT to--she's losing sooo MUCH of his childhood!

According to dictionary.com this is what neglect entails--
To pay little or no attention to; fail to heed; disregard
To fail to care for or attend to properly
Habitual lack of care

She is certainly guilty of that on HER part toward him, and having whomever else is available to DO it in her stead when she should/ could be, is just NOT going to cut it for son especially when he begins to see that she tries to get rid of him--in fact he's already begun to see it--so terribly sad for him, and it's breaks my heart to see him hurt.