Holiday in order a no-can-do

[dipper]

Custody order calls for NCP to have child on Columbus Day on even numbered years.  Our school system operates that day....bm lives 2 hours away.  When she sent in her demand for October weekends, we agreed to everything she stated.  She did not include a request for columbus day...and in fact, did the driving that weekend and brought him back on the Sunday.

She had not mentioned the day...until Thursday and then she told ss that she was entitled to make-up time for Columbus day.  

Also, ss asked her if he could stay for the homecoming game and come to her house today.  His dad was responsible for taking him at 6:00 yesterday to bm's house.  SS is 14 and he asked her himself if he could stay here last night because he really wanted to go to homecoming.  After much debate, she said yes......She says she gets make-up time for this as well...

Okay....she gets three weekends per month.  

Does anyone think she is owed a make-up day for columbus day - I feel she forgot it and looked over the order to see if she got Thanksgiving  and saw it then.....an afterthought......

As the agreement about last night was simply between her and ss, is dh in contempt for not taking ss last night?

Is he repsonsible for make-up time?  

If dh was in violation even though she allowed ss to stay, would make-up time change that?

[MixedBag]

I saw you also posted this to Soc, but he's on vacation for a bit.

I suggest that you pull out the school calendar and see when there is another 3-day weekend where son is out of school and it falls in line with one of BM's weekends.

Actually, send her a school calendar so that she will know when school is in session and when it's not.

School comes first (IMHO)

See as an NCP, I too would be asking for a different day since it's a day the order says our child gets to spend with me and now can't since the new school district doesn't consider it a day off.

So I don't think Dad would be held in contempt because son had school.

But the judge might re-assign days so that son doesn't lose a day with his mother.

Parallel example on a larger scale.....  Summers here used to be 12 weeks.  My girls got 6 weeks (1/2) of that to spend with their dad.  Then the summers went down to 9 weeks because the school district restructured the school year.

I still gave dad his 6 weeks even though the philosophy was 1/2 the summer which would be less.  Why?  (Well, it's the right thing to do by the girls), the school gave other times off in their calendar, so my 6 weeks with them just got broken up into smaller pieces.  I think that IF I cut dad back to 1/2 of the summer, he would counter with wanting those days back on DIFFERENT days.

[dipper]

We did send her a calendar - a fridge magnet with it on there.  She has not mentioned this day at all to us...only to ss.  To me, if she wanted it she should have said on her October schedule that it needed to be made up at a later date.  

We only have one weekend per month..and in November we are having his birthday celebration, so we cant do it then.  But it is possible for Thanksgiving time.....While i know it really doesnt matter, dh lost Columbus Day when ss was with her..and he did have that day off from school in that system....



What about the other issue - the fact that she and ss made the agreement between them that ss could go to the game and then come to her house on Saturday instead of Friday?  

Is DH responsible for make-up time though he had no part in that discussion?

If he does give make-up time, does that really negate a claim of contempt - or could she take the time and still claim contempt?

[4honor]

if an NCP "gives up" a day with no attempt at make up time prior to or as of part of the arrangement (if it wasn't a trade at the time, it isn't now) Then they forfeit the time.  IF they make a trade of time, then the trade should stand.

[Ref]

To keep the peace, I would give her both make-up days. Neither is technically right, but as my DH says ,"give the baby her bottle".
Now, it is a hardship for you to do it on a weekend but how about taking on a day in the summer here and there? (maybe allow you to have a day just for yourself???) Maybe an extra day in xmas?

That is what I would do. I know it sucks giving meanies anything they don't deserve, but it might behoove you to do so in this case.

good luck
ref

[MixedBag]

For the friday night thing, I'd lean towards no make up evening required and I'd also lean towards the court not finding Dad in contempt.

It's a real good thing to keep in mind the elements of contempt that Soc talks about all the time and I believe that dad didn't violate the third one.

Now, get me to remember what all three are, and I'd have to do a quick search on this site to find that stuff again.

As for Columbus day.....another poster already said it well.  I'm not suggesting that you take or break up the one weekend with Dad, but hook that day on where it's not a big deal.

Give the baby her bottle -- wasn't that close to how she put it?

[dipper]

Thank you all for the comments.  I am hoping at Thanksgiving and Christmas some time can be added onto what she will already have.  Living so far away makes it hard because you cant easily just drop off and pick up so that everyone can have the Holiday time plus other time...But, it is do-able....