NCP no show

[HelpingHands]

This is a little lengthy.

Mother is NCP, living out of state(approx 465 miles one way). She was awarded a very generous visitation schedule in December after she appealed a case in August.

You may recall that she was entitled to all 3 day weekends from school(like MLK, President's Day, Memorial, etc) She did not show or call for MLK or President's Day weekends as the order states she is supposed to notify me at least 2 days in advance if she is NOT going to exercise those visitations.

Well, this past week she told my wife that she won't be able to come down for Spring Break, talked about her grandmother needing to be hospitalized, then later in the same conversation said to my wife " you all are bringing her up for Spring Break, right?" Uh, no. You're not? No, the only time he has to bring her anywhere, it's HALFWAY and that's ONLY during holidays and for summer visitation". Well needless to say she was a bit pissed, said that her attorney told her that we'd have to bring her all the way to her always(that was the August order, which she appealed and now has to do all the driving or meet half way per the Final Order in December). She then spoke with our daugther and told her she was going to try her hardest to get her, but daddy has to bring her all the way up there.

The court order states we meet half way for all holiday and summer visitation. Any weekend visitation is the sole responsiblity of the mother.

Spring Break is neither a holiday, summer or weekend. I did put in a call to my attorney, where the secretary stated she read the order to say MOM had to pick her up all the way unless it was a holiday, or summer visitation where we'd meet at the 1/2 way point. Haven't heard back from the attorney yet.

I tried to call the mother on Friday, she didn't return the call. The reason I tried to call her was to let her know that because of our move, the child had to be pulled from school(letter sent home demanding the immediate withdraw from school if not in the school district) and now the new district's Spring Break will be the following week, instead of this week.

 Now what? Mom didn't show for this Spring Break yesterday. Should I send a letter giving the information for the new School and alert her that she has a second chance at taking a Spring Break? I just don't want this turned on me somehow(she's good at twisting facts) into: I planned to be there on the 10th, but since they moved- they messed up all my plans and I wasn't able to get my daughter' when in fact it's " i already said I wasn't going to go get her, and expected them to do all the driving, when that didn't work, I decided not to take Spring Break with my daughter' And even with another chance, I still can not take her because I already planned it for the weekend before. I can see it now being my fault somehow.

She didn't call on Thursday like she usually does, she didn't return a call Friday, didn't call yesterday and usually calls on Sunday. Do I tell her over the phone all of this if she calls tonight or wait till I speak to my attorney(hopefully) tomorrow? It was my intention to keep my daughter in her school until the end of the year, but the school district wouldn't allow that.  Court order doesn't say anything about me having to notify her of anything, but does state it is mom's responsibility to check with local school authorities to determine the last day of school to plan the visitation for the summer break.  What a mess. WWYD?

[mistoffolees]

I would let her know about the Spring Break schedule. You are responsible to keep her informed of what's going on. If Spring Break is different, and she's entitled to visitation for spring break, you owe it to her to tell her.

Now, as for the rest, I wouldn't worry about it. If she doesn't come see the kid, that's too bad. It's not your problem - as long as you're not actively denying her visitation.

I don't have the wording of your agreement, nor do I know if there is a definition provided for 'holiday', so you should wait to hear from your attorney. If you have no obligation to drive, then you don't have to do it. If you can do it without minor inconvenience, you should do so for the sake of the kid(s) since it's better for them to see their mother regularly. But if you can't, don't lose sleep over it.

Just my $0.02.

[HelpingHands]

She has a brand new car(supposedly) that she is bragging to our daughter about. She pays no support- because she is to travel to out of state to get our child for visitations. I have a POS vehicle with 248,000 miles on it and a family of 7 to support.

I will let her know the new school info and the Spring Break schedule for the new district if she calls tonight. If not, I will send a certified letter out tomorrow.

Thanks~

[mistoffolees]

Don't let yourself get too emotionally worked up over the whole thing.

You have an agreement. It's your job to do exactly what the agreement says you have to do - and no more.

Now, if and when YOU decide that it's in the child's best interest, then you may choose to go beyond what's in the agreement. But there's certainly no obligation to do so.

So don't lose sleep over it.