Can I still file for contempt?

[gemini3]

I am supposed to have my kids for their birthdays this year, which is clearly outlined in our custody agreement.  My ex scheduled a birthday party for my child on her birthday, when she was supposed to be with me.  When I said that I was supposed to have visitation for her brithday, she threatened to bring the police to my house, etc.  Then she said that she was going to tell my child that her party was cancelled because she had to be at my house.

I didn't want my daughter to be upset, so I agreed to letting my ex pick the kids up 6.5 hours early on my daughters birthday so that she could still have her party, if my ex agreed to letting me make up the time next weekend.  She agreed and picked them up 1/2 an hour earlier than we had agreed on.  Now she's saying that she never agreed to letting me make up any time, and that I "had her on her birthday".

I feel like I made a mistake by offering a compromise because if I would have held her to the agreement and she didn't abide by it I could have filed for contempt.  Now I don't know if I can still file for contempt, since I agreed to letting her pick them up early.  Technically, I did have them on her birhtday, but it was only half a day.  Does anyone have any advice?

[Kitty C.]

What I would recommend in the future is that if the ex wants to 'trade' and even is willing to agree if you ask, then tell her you will ONLY agree to it if you can take the make-up time BEFORE the time she's asking from you.  Like say she wants the child on 9/15, you tell her fine, but you want your make-up time on the 8th.  If she says no, then no deal.

And even if she were to tell your DD that her b-day party 'with BM' would be cancelled, that doesn't mean you can't have one for her.

As for filing contempt, it all depends on what your CO says.  If it only give specific days, I would say no, but if it specifies hours, you might have a chance.

One thing that gets to me sometimes is parents worrying about their kids being upset or unhappy.  We hear it ALL the time from SS's BM.  I have to bite my tongue every time I hear it, because I want SO badly to tell her that her son's happiness is NOT her responsibility!  Children must learn disappointment some time or they will be in for a rude awakening when they become adults.  My own DS would complain often about it and I would tell him to deal with it, that's the way life happens sometimes.  

Sorry........stood on my soapbox a little too long.......

[gemini3]

The court order doesn't have hours, just says "birthdays", which is one thing we're asking to have changed.

Your suggestion about asking her to make up the time before hand is a good one.  Thank you.

I know what you're saying about disappointment, but she's six and she's always being told bad things about me.  She's always being told that she can't have things because I won't pay for them, let her do them, etc.  I don't want to contribute to that, so I bend.  But I see that it just makes it easier for BM to use the kids to manipulate me so I will have to stand firm from now on.

[Kitty C.]

Well, if she tells your DD that the party with HER is cancelled, then you tell your DD that she will have a party with YOU.  At six, it doesn't make a lot of difference who has the party, as long as there IS one, LOL!  If your ex wants to make herself look bad, give her the rope to hang herself with!

[gemini3]

She already had a party planned at my house on Saturday, so she knew she was having two parties.  Some her friends didn't come to the one at my house because they were going to the other one, and vice-versa.  I know what you're saying, I just hate feeling like the bad guy and it's my nature to try to compromise so no one gets upset.  The ex knows that and uses it to manipulate me, so I'm just going to have to stop.

[MixedBag]

Mom and dad had a verbal agreement.

Dad let mom pick up the child.

Mom didn't follow through -- and dad can't prove the verbal agreement.

Therefore, IMHO, dad can't get make up time even via contempt.

Because he let her pick up the child.

IF I remember correctly from reading Soc's board when Soc was Soc, the key is that dad let mom pick up the child.

Even if there are hours in the order, mom didn't sneak onto the property and take the child....dad knew about it and let the child go.

I agree -- get makeup time first if at all possible.

Plan B is to get it in writing with a signature.

[gemini3]

The agreement was made via e-mail, so I do have that.

I guess I'll just have to add this to the pile of visitation problems we've had, and address it when we finally get to court.