Reasonable notice

[greatdad]

STBX has cancelled EOW visits 3 times in a row . STBX did not contact me to say was not coming, I had foresight to check with her atty day of travel. This is an interstate visit where children travel hundreds of miles.
This weekend is again her's to visit. Her atty contacts mine today and demands that STBX keep children until Tuesday night, as Mon & Tues school is out. STBX consistently refuses to engage in any conversation about schedule, children , anything, stock answer is "talk to my lawyer". I made plans weeks ago  to take Mon off work to spend with children ( remember STBX never will discuss things, so impossible to include her input in anything).  To blow off 3 visits in a row with 0 notice, then with less than 48 hrs notice expect to change visitation schedule is both inconsiderate and unreasonable. The CP must plan and schedule work, days off, events for children well in advance in order to provide stability to young children. STBX cliams to be unemployed, a full time student
 ( is over 30 yrs old), lives free with relatives and has yet to pay 1 penny of support.
I have said no to extra days  in this instance, and asked ( again) for timely communication  in the future pertaining to children and scheduling.
 Does this seem reasonable or not ??

[ocean]

I think you are being reasonable. Maybe offer her the longer weekends and cut down the every other weekend, especially if they have to travel so far?

[MixedBag]

Remember....my EX and Camilla print everything I type here.

I believe that you are not asking for too much.

Balance that against what's good for the kids.

And therein lies a conflict between the two.

[mistoffolees]

No, you're not being unreasonable. What she's doing is wrong.

HOWEVER, what about the kids? Since they're not seeing their mother very much, would it be to their benefit to get to spend some more time with her when she DOES see them? I'm not suggesting any particular course of action, but you might want to CONSIDER letting it go so the kids can spend a little more time with their mother.

Sometimes biting your tongue is the best alternative.

[greatdad]

>No, you're not being unreasonable. What she's doing is
>wrong.
>
>HOWEVER, what about the kids? Since they're not seeing their
>mother very much, would it be to their benefit to get to spend
>some more time with her when she DOES see them? I'm not
>suggesting any particular course of action, but you might want
>to CONSIDER letting it go so the kids can spend a little more
>time with their mother.
>
>Sometimes biting your tongue is the best alternative.

Well, It has been 2 months since STBX has come to visitation ( missed last 3 EOW in a row) Yesterday I travelled the children 250 miles and low and behold. the Mother failed to come for the 4th time in a row. Instead she sent a relative ( did not notify me or communicate anything).The children started crying and refused to get out of the car. I let the relative speak directly with the children to give them a chance to gently persuade the children to go. The children were adamant that they did not want to go unless their mommy was there.
 I told the relative that I was not prepared to physically force the children to get out of the car, as the mother was not even there and took the children home.
Evidently STBX is now working in a bar from 7 pm Friday night  to 4 a.m. Saturday morning,while she is supposed to be picking up the children at 7:45 p.m Friday. Of course STBX has been ducking paying CS for a year now by quitting jobs. The bar job is cash/tips, so she will claim low income.
She has been sanctioned by the court for failue to comply( twice) with discovery about income,assets, eveidence she planned to use at trial, etc. So sanction is that she is precluded from introducing new evidence. My Atty made 4 offers to have settlement meeting and her Atty just sent us a letter saying STBX thinks a settlement meeting is a "worthless endeavor" and refuses to meet.
How would anyone else have handled the above visitaion scenario and how would you handle the few until trial.

[mistoffolees]

As I see it, you have a couple of choices:

1. You can decide to take matters into your own hands and not drive the kids for visitation. Unfortunately, this puts you in (technical) contempt. It also gives her ammunition to argue that you're interfering with her visitation - and it becomes your word vs hers.

2. You continue to do what is required by the court order and then work THROUGH THE COURT to change things. It will mean that you drive more than you have to and make some unnecessary trips, but your hands are completely clean - and when the court has to make a final decision, EVERYTHING is stacked in your favor.

Personally, I'd suffer the inconvenience to not weaken my long term position. I would, however, petition the court for an immediate ruling on the basis of all the extra trips you're making when she doesn't show up.

Push to bring it to a conclusion, but stay completely above board so that there's absolutely no criticism they can bring against you. You don't want to be in a position where the judge thinks that you're both evading your responsibilities - that's what leads to bizarre decisions.

Just my non-legal opinion, though. I'd ask my attorney for advice if I were you.