CP using clever tactics to interfere with/end visitation

[blkchr91]

My State is VA, my child resides in FL....

My child flies up to VA for visitation.

The child is now on summer visitation.

All I can tell you is that the CP is up to something, and that something probably reflects the subject line based on my experiences.

Not all that long ago, the CP accused my present wife of not providing my child with their medication while I was at work which was not the case.

Now the CP called my home to speak with my child and ask if they are taking showers every day. (Further implications that my wife is allegedly not watching my child correctly or neglecting my child).

My child has a very bad memory, and replied "no".

Just for history's sake:

The CP has been on formal notice of email only communication for years(unless it is an alleged emergency).

The CP has also been on formal notice of any calls to my residence being recorded for years.

Finally the CP has been put on formal notice that my child is not permitted to use their cel phone in my house for years.

These conditions are absolutely necessary in my situation (I won't get into specifics).

The above mentioned conditions have helped to GREATLY reduce a variety of problems to say the least. (Most of the above have been the result of the think tanks on these forums).

Now the CP has finally found an exploit.

The CP can and will call my child at random to exploit whatever they can.

Once the answer becomes "no", the very rich CP will simply move forward using any lawful capacity that can be dreamed of.

CPS, local law enforcement, and the judicial system will become the CP's weapons.

It is one thing to be accused of negligence etc., but once the issue effects my wife it is a very different matter as far as I am concerned.

Soc is great, but this is not the type of question I feel would be best addressed to him.

I am looking for a VARIETY of opinions on what to do in this situation.

I also have prepaid legal, and I can contact a phone attorney for free to ask questions, but that is not always the right answer either.


I am not willing to give up any of the formalities that I mentioned above, because they have served me quite well.

I do not want to run away as I have in the past when the CP overwhelmed me with procedure. However, I will do whatever I need to do to protect my wife and children in my new marriage.

I need to let the CP know that this will not be tolerated, as a firm approach is the only approach that works with this individual.

I know the ropes, I know how to file my own pro se lawsuits in family court, and I know how to handle my business.

However, the reality is generally that this is more of an art than a science.

I'd like to send the CP (or any appropriate party) written notice of something to nip this in the bud before it escalates, but I am not sure what that something is.

On a side note, my certified mails to the CP have never held up in court.
The CP just ignores the certified mails, and so does the judge.

I would probably have to pay a private process server to give the CP any sort of notice which is very unfortunate.

I am never given a fair shake with the judge even when I raise an extremely valid point that cannot be rebutted. (The judge just ignores my points as if they don't exist and denies my motions).

This is another reason why I need to nip this garbage in the bud before it causes a BAD situation.

Please provide me with any thoughts that you may have!

Thank you!

 


 

[FLMom]

I've learned to trust my hinky-meter. If you feel that something is afoot, trust your instincts.

It looks like you have some very good buffers in place, and I wouldn't dream of suggesting that you change them.

First of all, if you don't have caller ID, get it. Even if it means being a prisoner to your own phone line, let all calls go to voice mail during the summer. The next time ex calls when you are home, answer the phone, remind her that all calls are being recorded, and be nearby while the conversation between mother and child is going on. In our home, I always have the kids go elsewhere when they're talking to the ex, but it sounds like you now have a reason to be there.

Since you already have all of these buffers, use them. The best defense is a good offense. Use email, certified letters, the works, and blast fax them in a business-like manner that you see that a, b and c have happened and they are against a, b and c agreements that are previously court ordered.

It sounds like this is hitting home extra hard due to trying to protect your wife, which is commendable. She doesn't need to be in the middle of things, I agree. By taking the reins and only taking calls when you're there, you'll save her a lot of headaches.

If the child still has the cell phone, remove it from their possession. One problem solved.

Don't waste your summer with your child worrying about this stuff. You've got a vindictive ex, which you've already known about for years or all of these items would not be in place. If you do send anything, be sure to CC it in big bold lettering to your attorney's office. She needs to see that you mean business. Then let it go and let her into your home on your terms only.

Locally here a process serves charges around $15 (N. FL) and is done by the Sheriff's Department. Instead of filing anything if you choose to go on the offense, serve an intent to file. Here's where things are going wrong, and here's what I'm going to do to fix it. It makes you look better in the long run, because if this ever does go to court, you can show that you did try to make things amicable at the time, and makes her look nutty if she continues.

BTW, Soc has been gone for a long time. Us old-timers and new-timers that have been-there-done-that are the only ones left. I've been through something similar with medical myself, so I know where you're coming from on that end (ignored illness). All I had to do was file an emergency order and it "nipped it in the bud" and the ex backed off. I hope the same for you.

BTW too, Happy Father's Day. Now go enjoy your summer and congrats on having your child there with you!!!!

FLMom

[MixedBag]

"The CP has been on formal notice of email only communication for years(unless it is an alleged emergency).

The CP has also been on formal notice of any calls to my residence being recorded for years.

Finally the CP has been put on formal notice that my child is not permitted to use their cel phone in my house for years.
"

I read this and thought "SO WHAT?"

My EX#2 also DEMANDED specific ways of communicating with him.

So what???  Made him look like the fool, only he didn't figure that out.

See what I mean?  

I understand the need to protect yourself from vindictive EX's -- really I do.

Just don't escolate the situation yourself by attempting to control and uncontrollable EX.

What you can do is control how you REACT to that wonderful EX.

Pick and choose your battles.

IMHO -- be happy that she put your child ON THE PLANE and that you have time with your child.

I know I also had conversations with the step-kids and my kids about the need for them to think and answer honestly when talking with the other parent once they got old enough to understand what happens as a result of them answering questions.

You might be able to use the "did you get a shower?" question as an example that they will understand.

We used Caller ID -- and I know my EX#2 still uses it.  

We taped conversations to know what was going on and how the kids were being manipulated.  Once we knew that, there was no need to tape because the EX's behaviors were predictable.

As for the "judge not listening" -- I say he was.  But maybe it will take two or three or maybe even four trips into court before you see results.

[FLMom]

And somewhere, another tree has valiantly given its life. (Sorry MB, couldn't resist since you didn't say it.)

MixedBag is right on the money as always. I almost came back and added that if the judge hadn't been listening, these precautions wouldn't be in place. In some, if not most cases, the court file will be the size of a large city's phone book before all the kinks are ironed out.

>"The CP has been on formal notice of email only communication
>for years(unless it is an alleged emergency).
>
>The CP has also been on formal notice of any calls to my
>residence being recorded for years.
>
>Finally the CP has been put on formal notice that my child is
>not permitted to use their cel phone in my house for years.
>"
>
>I read this and thought "SO WHAT?"
>
>My EX#2 also DEMANDED specific ways of communicating with
>him.
>
>So what???  Made him look like the fool, only he didn't figure
>that out.
>
>See what I mean?  
>
>I understand the need to protect yourself from vindictive EX's
>-- really I do.
>
>Just don't escolate the situation yourself by attempting to
>control and uncontrollable EX.
>
>What you can do is control how you REACT to that wonderful
>EX.
>
>Pick and choose your battles.
>
>IMHO -- be happy that she put your child ON THE PLANE and that
>you have time with your child.
>
>I know I also had conversations with the step-kids and my kids
>about the need for them to think and answer honestly when
>talking with the other parent once they got old enough to
>understand what happens as a result of them answering
>questions.
>
>You might be able to use the "did you get a shower?" question
>as an example that they will understand.
>
>We used Caller ID -- and I know my EX#2 still uses it.  
>
>We taped conversations to know what was going on and how the
>kids were being manipulated.  Once we knew that, there was no
>need to tape because the EX's behaviors were predictable.
>
>As for the "judge not listening" -- I say he was.  But maybe
>it will take two or three or maybe even four trips into court
>before you see results.
>
>
>
>
>

[MixedBag]

BTW -- I'm not always right!!!

only once in a blue moon...

Anyways, cell phones...

It's story time, o.k.?

SS first started it when he came for the summer with his Tracfone.  EX#3 and I weren't pleased BUT we didn't deny anything to him.  He said it was so he could call his mom ANYTIME.  And we said "But you can pick up the house phone ANYTIME instead of using your money for minutes."

He said "BUT you record me!"

We said "No need for that anymore since we know what your mom is up to and that's all we wanted to know.  Keeps you out of the middle."

Surprisingly, the phone stayed off, uncharged, and in his room 99% of the time and the house phone was used.

Oh yea -- my son, same age, but I'm the NCP too, was there at the same time.  And nope, I didn't buy him a phone to "keep up with his Step-brother" or nothing.

Second summer.....same ole $hit, new summer.  House phone got used.

Last summer....first summer for divorce #3 for me, which meant when son would "go outside and play" this time he was on his own instead of the buddy system via SS.

Oh yea, meanwhile, I was in mediation with my EX#2 -- who adamantly refused to allow our son to have a cell phone....even if I paid for it....even if Dad was using the same company as I was which meant HE could use it for free (Oh yea, Dad doesn't know that I know what company he's with, love 411.com!).

So for Mother's Day weekend last year, I bought son a Tracfon with 10 minutes on it and gave it to him as a safety thing for his flight down.  He wasn't an unaccompanied minor anymore, and with only 10 minutes, he couldn't use it to call me and use it up or nothing.

When he got here, I loaded up the phone with more minutes and he used it over the summer.

Now Son is living here with me for the past year.....and yep, it's cheaper to add him to my normal plan and YEP, its great to be able to call him and he call me like when there was school bus problems and it broke down.  

Son went to see dad over Thanksgiving....took Tracfone and Cell phone.  Dad didn't say SQUAT.  Same thing over Christmas.  And yes, I and son were afraid that dad would confiscate it and throw it in the trash just like he did son's motorcycle license.  

Oh yea, it gets better....

Dad called here one time and I said "Son isn't here, I'll have him call you when he gets home."

Well, Dad called son on his cell phone immediately......and yeppers, that's where I say he stepped OVER the line mainly due to his double standards.  But overall, son is careful with his minutes and understands where I'm coming from in watching his use of minutes that are charged to the account.  And as long as "we" don't go over, I'll let it slide...

Falls into the category of pick and choose, and son understands what happened and that's what matters.

Yes, another tree bites the dust!

[blkchr91]

Your thoughts are amazing! Thank you! I especially like the notice of intent. That keeps my documents "serveable", and keeps me away from the private process servers and their sometimes exorbitant fees.

BTW- What happened to SOC?

[blkchr91]

I disagree with just about everything you said. I need to be in control of this situation much as most folks like to be in control of lesser situations, and so far my checks and balances have served me well.

Frankly, FLMom has done a wonderful job of identifying my situation. I know it can be tough handing out your thoughts when you are not in someone elses shoes.

The information that I provide was actually an important primer to the rest of my post. A far cry from "so what".

Thank you for providing your thoughts, but they really don't help this situation. I base all of my thinking upon my personal experience and analysis.

At the end of the day, the way that I handle my own situation(s) works for me.

The issues that I have now are nothing compared to the issues that I faced before I was firm.

It is like night and day.

[blkchr91]

The judge wasn't listening. These precautions were self-imposed.