Does he have any rights?

[dsmom]

Our son and his girlfriend who he lived with for several years have just broke up. They had a child together about a year ago. He has been advised to not pay any child support until a paternity test is done. In IA it is state law that any money given to her prior to a court support order is considered a gift.

There was some question during the pregnancy about paternity but the paternity was never established after he was born. So they have lived together until a few weeks ago. Until a test proves otherwise we are going to assume that he is the dad to this little boy.

Visitation is becoming an issue because she doesn't want him to take him. Does he have the same rights as the mother since they were living together and raising this child together for the last year or does he have to have a visitation order to take him?

I had been told that the mother has the legal custody if the couple was never married. Where does living together and common law come into play here or does it?

 

Thanks

[MixedBag]

Common law....I believe I can answer that because AL is a common law state.

It gives him rights to the property THEY acquired during the time they lived together -- and IMHO has nothing to do with the child, parenting time, and child support.

IMHO again, living together even though not married will be a good thing when he goes to court to establish parenting time.

I think I'd recommend filing and getting the ball rolling on his part if he wants to stay in the child's life.  Get paternity established, parenting time established, and CS set.

And yes, set money aside incase CS is set effective NOW vs. when the court renders it's decision.

It's good to know that everything paid before an order will be considered a gift.  Many states do that (like OH), and when the paying parent doesn't know that, they get hit up twice.

It will also be an incentive for Mom to settle things vs. dragging it all out.

[Davy]

Uhmmm !  You're asking the wrong question.  Once  paternity is established please don't just assume mother custody !!

I am very familiar with the advice you will receive from attorneys, probably other posters, etc but WHY ?  

In many cases the father is just as fit or more fit to assume custody.
Just having to verify paternity is an example.  

[tigger]

Although, to be fair, there are plenty of guys who could get a call that starts out with, "Hey, it's me, I'm pregnant and scared." and he would be trying to narrow down who it is based on the voice.  

Get paternity verified and then keep posting here for guidance and advice on how to proceed.

[Davy]

There you go again runninng off at the mouth with the myths of your social conditioning that has nothing to do with subject matter at hand.

But since you brought it up, just about everybody knows females, generally speaking, are far more sexually aggressive than their male counter parts.  Moreover, younger females will not only acknowledge it but also also proud of it and making the rest of you liars.  

The OP is taking responsibility for paternity (some are forced since they are married) and has been advised not to pay support until ordered but is already experiencing the pattern whereas one parent has some sort of possessive right to prevent the other parent access to a child which goes very much to their own unfittnest.

If the father needs the services of a hired gun then why not obtain custody and let mother experience the frustration of government interference in order to care and nuture their child especially in absence of shared parenting a child is far better being raised by a single father.

In other words, the best advice and guidance on how to proceed has already been given.

[dsmom]

State: IA  


Ok, I have more information. After talking with CSRU about the paternity testing. They said they won't even offer it if he signed a paternity affidavid at the hospital.

He was 19 at the time, told us he signed the birth certificate so I am assuming that he signed that paternity affidavid. They were living together at the time and he didn't know they were going to break up. Also during the pregnancy, one day he got information that there was a 50/50 chance that the baby was his. I don't know what happened but they worked through that at the time.

Not understanding what this could mean to him when he signed the papers, now if he wants further testing this also means he has to pay for it himself. They did say he can still have the testing done though.

Also with that being said then I am assuming that he should have the same rights as the mom until proven otherwise. Since they both signed it.

So at this point in time she is still refusing to allow him to see the child. He should be able to go to an attroney and get the ball rolling on visitation I would think.

I also found out that even if mom doesn't want to do the paternity tests, he can have an outside lab that the results will hold up in legal matters do the testing on just him and the boy. Since he signed this stuff at birth he can sign the consent form for the baby. This is a major lab here in the USA and not some fly by night company.

Does anyone have anything else they can say to help? Also since it has been 2 weeks now and I don't see either one of them moving to fast to do anything about this, they are just 20 and 21 years old, do the judges look more favorably on visitation if the dad would get the ball rolling on this right away? What do they think if this goes on a month or two before he might start any action?

He is young and doesn't understand how all this works and we are trying to get the information for him so he can make some decisions. This is a major thing. He is this little boy's dad and is there for him, helping to support and nuture him or he isn't the dad but if he doesn't get paternity testing done to prove it, he could be supporting another man's responsibility.

[Davy]

I've never been involved with paternity verification.  Generally speaking it's honorable to always put the best foot forward.  The court probably does not give a hoot one way or the other about timeliness unless it appears one party is purposefully dragging things out.  My opinion is proceed diligently if for no other reason than peace of mind.  I suspect you know that the sooner the baby knows Dad the better !!  I'd be doing the same as you if it were my grandbaby.

Best to all !!!!


Hopefully others will jump in if they have additional or different info.

[ocean]

If he is sure he us the father now then he can petition the court for visitation immediately. You will need to come up with a schedule. Right now the baby is very young. If possible he should take a parenting class and infant cpr class. This will look good in court and will help him take care of the baby himself. Once he is able to get child he can do a paternity test himself OR if he is not certain then petition the courts for a paternity test anyway.

The schedule you come up with is for life so be careful. Very hard to change it after so think about how it will change as the child gets older/school age. (remember birthdays, school holdiays, vacations, summers). There are parenting plans on this website. Look at them and come up with one that will work for you. You can start with a few hours at a time and at say 3 months you will start overnight (or whatever you want) then at school age it will switch to XXX. Be VERY specific with dates/times/drop-off/pick-ups. It will save you from a lot of stress later.

[MixedBag]

o.k., keep remembering that none of us here are attorney's and are familiar (in detail) with any state's laws...

I'm guesssing or thinking that the first step is to get a hold of the birth certificate to see IF his name is on it.

If not -- then establishing paternity is the first step.

If so, then filing something with family court to establish a custodial situation/relationship with the mother is the next step.

Like Davy said -- the dad is not automatically the NCP.....

I'm also guessing that IF his name is on the birth certificate, and IF he proves that he's NOT the biological father, that he probably can't do anything about it anymore.  There might be a window of opportunity to fix this in the state's laws, and that's detail that none of us here are familiar with.

[Kitty C.]

Just because he signed the birth certificate, it doesn't mean he signed a paternity aff.  Both are technically 'legal' documents, but paternity goes thru the courts.  Hospitals don't get involved with that.

As for him having equal right to the baby, no.  Because they were not married, she has custody until a judge signs an order stating otherwise.  He needs to get the DNA testing done and needs an atty. to petition for custody (if the testing proves he is the father).

I don't know of any specific family law attys. in the DSM area (if that's where you're from), but you might want to try this website:

http://www.iowafathers.com/

They have a TON of information, not just in family law in general, but specific to Iowa, too.  I personally know one of the board members and can pass on any info, if possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, I see that you've already posted the same thing on the Iowa Fathers website.  Brian Iehl, the pres., also responded to you.  The information on that website is Iowa-specific and also has atty. referral info..........that's the best place to start.  But before ANYTHING else happens, he needs to be absolutely positive on the paternity.  Get the test done..........even if it costs you $500, it's a whole lot cheaper than going the whole legal route, just to find out later that he's NOT the dad.