irresponsible SD (vent)

[bananas]

SD is 18, just left after visiting for a week.  SD is still in HS, will graduate in June.  We are still paying CS for her.

SD won't come for court ordered visitation.  Didn't come in the summer, so we missed 5 weeks there, and has already said she isn't coming for Christmas.  We were happy that she decided to come for Thanksgiving.  She said she wanted to come and bring her BF, and she would pay us back for BF's ticket.  So we booked tickets in Oct.

First, SD said she'd pay us back by sending us money in the mail.  When that didn't happen, she said she'd bring the money with her.  My DH finally asked her about the money on Saturday.  SD did not have enough money in her account to reimburse us.  DH agreed to hold a check until she got paid (she works co-op).  Yesterday, before SD left, DH reminded her at least twice to write a check and leave it.  He also hung up a sign to remind her.

This morning at 5:30 I got up and took SD and her BF to the airport.  The sign was unseen/ignored by SD.  I didn't feel it was my place to mention it since our relationship is tenuous right now anyway.  After dropping them off, I checked around the house but didn't find a check or anything.

So now we are out $200, which we really need.  DH even told SD we'd be hurting without it, but she apparently doesn't give a shit.  We booked her tickets right after paying $2000 for a car repair, and we have been juggling bills for two months now.  

I don't really know what to do.  Usually we give SD and her brother $150 for Christmas.  I think she's not going to get a Christmas gift this year, but I also think her brother won't get one either just because we can't afford it now.  We also have delayed paying December's CS to BM.  I guess when BM calls later this week screamin' because she didn't get her CS, we'll tell her that we'll pay it when we get money from SD.

On top of it, SD asked me to keep her on my insurance plan because she pays her own bills, and she says BM can't afford to put SD on hers, which is a crock.  So I do as she wishes, even though as the SM it is hardly my responsibility to provide it and pay for it, and SD turns around and totally screws us.  

I will be so glad when all of this shit is over.  I am SO tired of being taken advantage of.

[4honor]

or you can take a stand.

She is learning nothing about how one SHOULD behave in an adult world. She is going to be sorely ill prepared to deal with life on her own. Using people only lasts so long... unless you happen to breed with one of them (and then the usery seems to last forever), but I digress.

Send the daughter nothing for Christmas except a card. Don't forget to enclose a 1099 for the unpaid debt "gifting" of the money for her & her boyfriend's tickets... she will need to declare it on taxes for 2003.

You are not the US Government. Don't act like it and shell out money you do not have for more "stuff" they don't want and don't need.

And get yourselves a break on your insurance by taking that non-child off the policy. If she has to work for her insurance, she will have a better appreciation. Driving is a privilege, not a right. She wants to think she is an adult at 18... let her see what adults are faced with.... consequences, tough decisions, budgets, all that good stuff.

[TX]

I regret to say this, but the shit never ends! If you think it has, it's probably just that you don't know about it!

Blood is thicker then water.

[bananas]

First, let me clarify.  The insurance is medical insurance, not car insurance.  Considering this ungrateful girl lives in another state and never comes for court-ordered visitation, we DO NOT have her on our car insurance policy.

I, as the stepmom, have been providing health insurance for SD.  Technically, my hubby is supposed to provide it through his employer.  He does not, because it's too expensive.  So to cover him, I provide it.  I wish I could cancel it, because the ungrateful SD obviously doesn't appreciate it.  Hubby does have a lame-ass policy as a military retiree, but SD doesn't use it.

We have not had any contact or communication with SD since she left here on Dec. 2.  I tried to call her on an unrelated issue later on the day she left, and she didn't answer her phone.  So she is avoiding us.  We did not send a card.  We did not send anything.  We will just keep her $150 for Christmas, and only send her $50 for her graduation from high school in June.  We sent her brother $100 when he graduated two years ago, so she will only get half that.  At that point we will consider the debt paid in full.  Also, since the ungrateful SD left us in a bind, we did not pay CS to her mother this month.  So now we are one month behind.  We have NEVER been behind before.  The BM (bowel movement) called a week ago asking for my hubby, but he wasn't home.  I'm sure she wanted to ask where her money was.  She hasn't called back.  Hopefully the ungrateful SD told her exactly why she didn't get her money this month.  Hopefully when we get caught up, we can catch up on the CS by February or so.  

I don't understand why we are even paying CS anyway.  The ungrateful SD acts as if she is in charge.  She says it's her choice whether she comes for visitation or not.  She pays her own medical bills.  She attends high school on a part-time basis and works co-op.  The BM refuses to discuss anything with hubby, unless she wants to scream about where her CS is.  If she doesn't get it on the first of the month, she's on the phone screaming.  So why are we paying CS?  It's only $217 per month anyway.

Ok, I'm done.  The ungrateful SD has chosen not to come for Christmas, so that's a break for us.  We will have a peaceful Holiday for the first time in YEARS.  No fighting with the BM about who's going where, who's dropping off, who's flying in to where, etc.  I for one will enjoy it immensely.  I hope everyone who has read this has a joyful Holiday!  I know it's hard when you've got exes who are meddling with you and your child's happiness.  Hang in there!!