I am new here and need some help

[SweetPea]

Here is some background information.  My dh2b has primary physical placement of his 11 year old daughter.  Bio mom is to have step daughter 3 weekends a month.  For the past 7 months she has had no contact with stepdaughter.  Now bio mom is in jail for 6 months for stealing some money.  My dh2b would like to terminate parental rights or make her pay child support.  We have discussed this with a lawyer and he suggested just child support but we would like to give bio mom the option of what she would like to do.

The options are like this
1) terminate parental rights and not be liable for and expenditures that are uninsured.
2) pay child support and visit with step daughter one weekend a month.

We want to right the letter so that bio mom understands that it is for the best interest of step daughter.  How would we go about writing this?

[Brent]

>For the past 7 months
>she has had no contact with stepdaughter.  

In the big picture, that's not very long. I doubt you would be able to get a judge to terminate her rights for this. And why would you want to? Keep in mind that some military personnel don't see their kids for longer than this when they're deployed, should they have their rights terminated too?


>Now bio mom is in
>jail for 6 months for stealing some money.  My dh2b would like
>to terminate parental rights or make her pay child support.

You should be able to get a judgement for support, but probably not for termination of parental rights. You've mentioned nothing that would be sufficient reason to terminate her parental rights.


>The options are like this
>1) terminate parental rights and not be liable for and
>expenditures that are uninsured.

Ummm, it doesn't necessarily work that way. Terminating parental rights doesn't always include the support obligation. It's just not that simple.


>2) pay child support and visit with step daughter one weekend
>a month.

That's what I'd suggest you do. Don't do anything to keep the mother from seeing the child. What positive benefit would keeping them apart have? None, from what I see.



>We want to right the letter so that bio mom understands that
>it is for the best interest of step daughter.  How would we go
>about writing this?

I doubt you could write a letter that would put a positive spin on legally cutting her off from seeing her own child. (If you can, I'd love to see it. It would be a first.)  I think it's a bad idea all around. Go for child support but stop all this stuff about terminating her rights and preventing her from seeing the child.

[oklahoma]

My husband grew up in a divorced home.  His mother did all she could to discourage his relationship with his father.  Probably most of what she said/did was deserved.  His father was abusive and spent time in jail--for things a lot worse than stealing money.  BUT my husband still sought out a relationship with his dad.  His dad finally straightened out his life, built a good relationship with my husband, and then died of cancer about three years later.  And you know, every once in a while he speaks very bitterly towards his mother who prevented him from knowing his father and his father's family.

So, ditto what Brent said.  I see no reason for terminating BM's rights to her daughter.  Obviously, you can't force the child on her, but do what you can to encourage the relationship, and then positively support your SD if her mom chooses not to.

[sweetnsad]

I also agree...it will do no good to keep the child from her mother...how do you think she would feel about this when she is older?  The mother has the right to her own child...now whether she chooses to exercise this right or not remains to be seen.  But encourage it as much as you can.