I just need someone to talk to.

[tulip]

This has been a horrible week, and I am getting really depressed because I just don't know how much more of this I can take. Dh and I KNOW that bm is a meth addict. We SUSPECT she is selling it to my next door neighbor. That's making us very uncomfortable. The kids are going through hell, and they are very scared and know something really wrong is going on with bm, but they don't want to talk about it.

The custody order says Sunday to Sunday. She has only kept them 2 Sundays since the beginning of this year. We know she's been using pretty heavy for at least the last two months. My brother is a recovering addict who used that stuff for a long time, and has been sober for almost a year. We've been talking to him a lot about it, and almost every sign he's talked about, we've seen in her. This week the kids were supposed to with her. They spent two days with her (Mon and Tue) when dh could tell she was high. (She kept having reasons to stop over here and our neighbor's house.)  Then Wed, she started going through withdrawals. It was EXACTLY what my brother told me he felt like when he ran out of drugs. The kids stayed with us Wed, Thu, then Fri she said she was going to get them after school. She didn't even know they didn't have school on Fri. We had plans to go to the zoo, they could have come with, but we didn't know when we would be back, so she said to send them to the neighbors so she could get them when she woke up. The ended up spending the whole day and night over there. Today she said she's feeling better, and she spent about 4 hours with the kids and then had to get rid of them because she had a date at 5:30.

Now the kids will be with us for the whole week. Next week they are on Spring Break. I don't know what she will do because she can't even seem to handle a few hours with them. We've tried going to Social Services, and they won't even look into it.

[nosonew]

Do you have a c.o. GAL who could order a drug test? Offer to take the test yourself, etc., to make it "fair".  

What about calling your local cops, tell them she has a history of meth abuse and you suspect she is on a high, in which case she must have some with her, and if they take a drug dog with them, the dog will find it.  

If she is over at neighbors, "buying", you could always contact the cops and let them set up surveillance equipment in your home somewhere to observe the suspected dealer, then they can have enough evidence for a search warrant.  

Otherwise, just keep documenting all the time she is missing with the kids, all the comments about needing to sleep, etc.  Apparently she doesn't work?  

I don't know what else to say except just hang in there.  She is slowly hanging herself, not to mention killing herself.  

[bananas]

Your local police department may have a drug unit that can check this out.  If she is selling, she can go to prison.  Meth labs are EXTREMELY dangerous.  They are a fire/explosion hazard.  A meth lab can be set up in a room or transported in a suitcase.  Dangerous chemicals are used to make meth.  If she is making it in her house then I would do everything humanly possible to keep the kids out of that house.

Call the cops and request (repeatedly, if needed) that they check her house for a meth lab.  Call CSB and tell them that you suspect a meth lab in the house.  Or, if you don't think she's making it there, then at least call the police and tell them she's using/selling.  The safety of the kids could be at stake here.  Good luck!

[Sunshine1]

I would not let her take the children under any circumstances!  One of our friends is dealing and using meth currently and it is touch and go with him.  We have repeatedly told him to stop and blah blah blah, like they hear you , in one ear out the other, but when a meth head is on a "high" for a few days they do not sleep...for 3-5 days or so.  Then when it is over. WhaaaBAM..they sleep where ever they are at, in a store, in a car, standing up, where ever they are!! My ex SIL fell asleep standing up vaccuming her living room, and fell to the floor.

My DH had taken our mutual friend out for chinese buffet and while he was sitting there in mid sentence bobbed his head and fell asleep.  Then later told my DH that my DH's ex wife had lit her dog on fire with a 65 cent lighter and off to sleep he went.  LOL  

If it were me and me seeing this first hand what happens when they come down..it is very dangerous..not to mention if she is making it in her home...which is very very easy to do.

If you do not do something, and you try for visitation/custody later like you are doing, they are going to ask you (like our eval did) why did you let them go over there if you thought they were using drugs or housing a meth lab?  It couldn't have been too bad.

DO something, block contact, keep them away from her.  If she hauls you to court, THEN tell them she is a meth addict and you want drug tests administered...see what happens then...my bet is she folds..

These are only my suggestions, good luck...I would also call the police and make several reports to get the ball rolling.

Keep us updated

[Kitty C.]

Time to get a LEA involved, tulip..........RIGHT NOW!  If you have ANY suspicions that they are cooking next door, report it.  I've been trained in what to look for and if you can unobtrusively walk between your homes (maybe yardwork?), VERY carefully smell.  It's damn hard to cover up the smell of a meth lab, what with all the chemicals they use.  If you see them hauling in ether, butane, any chemical either frequently or in 'large' quantities, or making frequent trips to buy sudafed, it's a dead ringer.  Many drug and dept. stores have limited the quantity of sudafed you can buy at one time and are encouraged to call the cops if anyone tries.  We've had two major busts in our area just because two cashiers were on the ball and consciencious.

As serious as the meth problem is, you local LEA will have a drug task force you can contact.  I think they'd jump at the chance to run surveillance.  Cuz it sounds like a well established lab and they could nail quite a few people.  If they do investigate, be aware that it takes time, because they don't want anyone to fall thru the cracks or get suspicious and run.

But one other thing.  If you have ANY suspicion that she's high when she comes to get the kids, do NOT hand them over!  Yes, it's contempt, but you must look at it this way:  YOU and DH are the ONLY ones who can protect them, as she is only putting them in extreme danger.  If you were to hand then over when she's high, and something were to happen, you and DH could be held just as liable.  If the authorities ask you if you knew or had any suspicions that she was using, they could nail you for neglect as well.  Face the possibility of contempt, it's a small price to pay for your children's lives!

[tulip]

We have called the police. We have called SS. Nobody will do anything because it is all rumors. They aren't running a lab next door, I just think they may be using. There have been a few times lately that when we know she has been with her boyfriend, who is a dealer, as soon as he leaves, she goes to our neighbor's house. SS even said one time that she had to bring something over there. And there have been times that she has told the kids to wait here while she goes over to talk to the neighbor.

DH talked to her roomate/landlord today and he is ready to throw her out if she doesn't change things. He said he comes home and he can smell it. Last week she was high the first half of the week and sick the last half of the week. I think she may be off the stuff right now, but she has gone into this major depression and is totally insane. Last night she told dh that she wasn't going to show up for court next Mon and he could have the kids. Then she said that he would be raising them alone because she is going to kill me. DH called the police, of course, but they can't do anything. They said that it borders on terroristic threats, but since she didn't say when or how she is going to kill me, it technically isn't.

Our atty today advsd dh to submit an affidavit to the judge about the concerns with the drug problem. He is very worried that since none of it is proven, and is based on rumors and hearsay, they won't take it that seriously. And she may change custody back to her since they aren't working out the joint custody. The judge may order drug testing, but since she is going to notified before court (with the affidavit) that he is concerned about drug use, she will probably be clean by the day of the hearing.

[Kitty C.]

It depends, tulip.  Different drugs stay in the system for different lengths of time.  She could be delusional enough to think that even if the judge would order it, she'd still have time to 'get clean', but DEMAND that it ben done immediately, that she be escorted to the nearest lab for testing.  And if they do follicle testing, it's the best.  The last place anything comes out of your system is your fingernails and your hair, sometimes for weeks or months.

As for the cops, have you or can you talk to your neighbors about it?  Ask them to keep an eye on traffic and take down license plate numbers.  If there's enough frequent, brief visits (and enough calls to the cops), they will respond.  If you still don't get a response, go to either your county sheriff or the police chief/commissioner (the head guy of LE in your area).  The squeaky wheel gets the grease and if your neighbors would respond also, it will helpt to take away the 'revenge' aspect of getting to the PBFH.

[tulip]

I'm sure they will order a drug test. I don't know for sure, but I think meth stays in your blood for 72 hours. Follicle testing is a good idea.

As for the neighbors, they won't help. They are getting to be CLOSE friends with her. I think they are using too.

[lucky]

I don't have any advice for you, tulip, but I wanted to let you know that I will keep you in my prayers.