Kitty, Lucky Thanks for the support, but our ice cream ......

[smtotwo]

episode has turned into full blown manipulation by 10 yr old ss and psychomommy!!

Ex called tonite to "speak" with DH about the 10 day visit.

First, we can't give everyone ice cream and not give it to 10 yr old.

second, how dare we feed them fluffernutter sandwiches when we only pay 1/2 of dentist bill.

So which is it  ice cream or fluffernutter?  Clearly they can't have both.

Also,  SS said we wouldn't let him call his psychomommy's mom.
He never asked and if he had we wouldn't have let him because this is our time and he spends plenty of time at G'ma's bar when he's with mom. What he did ask was if he could go to G'mas bar, and for that he's have to cross the hiway.  NO-WAY!!

SS said we MAKE him sleep on our bedroom floor.  
OH I DON"T THINK SO!!  Even when we tell him he cannot sleep in there he comes in after we're asleep. He says  he has nitemares.

Then she complains that we shut our bedroom door saturday night!!
Our 10 month old grandson was here and sleeping in our room.  We had no playpen or crib and didn't want him "escaping" so to speak.

What does she do let the kids  watch evrything that goes on in her room?

then 8 yr old ss says he fell of our trampoline 5 times.  They were here for 10 days and he remembers that he fell of exactly 5 times!! If he had we'd have known, I'm sure.

Unfortunately this weekend is our next weekend and the rules will change drastically.

They said they have no bedtime, why would a 10 yr old say that?
If they didn't have a bedtime they'd probably relish in it.
Bedtime will be 8:30 every night, weeknight, weekend doesn't matter.


So new rules are  NO ONE Sleeps in our room at all. Even if ss has nightmares, he sleeps in other room.

NO ONE plays on trampoline.  If they aren't on it they can't fall off and get hurt.

Fluffernutter?  No way. No junk no snacks.  Milk, Water, Juice, Fruit, and veggies.  No chips, no fruit by the foot.

If they want to lie about what goes on then we'll simply take away allthe "BAD " things they're lying about.

Psychomommy says to DH  "MY Kids Don't Lie".  DH replied "Well, apparently my kids do."

She also said that 10  yr old asked what MGD was, (genuine draft.)Her mother owns a bar and the kids spend ALOT of time there.  They know exactly what it is.
I told him that what he should have said back was  I don't know, I drink high life!

But he doesn't think that quick!!

Wish us luck this weekend, should be interesting!!

[leskash]

SS is here for four weeks June 21 through July 18.  He has to talk to his mom like 3 times  a day and try to make everything sound pathetic and sad because she wants him to come home and she has got him convinced that he wants to come home too.  Her lawyer withdrew (and DH has always been pro se) so now we have to deal with her and she is completely unreasonable.  Anyways...

SS was supposed to have a baseball game yesterday but he didn't want to go.  I told him that was fine this one time.  I said he is going to the other games and that I understood that he feels homesick for his mom but that he can't go around in a bad mood trying to make everyone's else's life difficult because that is not going to work.  I told him talking to his mom is fine but he will not be hiding in closets. he can sit on the couch and everyone else is not in that room so he has privacy.  he said okay.

I think his mom is also making a big deal that DH is not spending time with SS specifically.  DH works nights and days (2 jobs).  I am waiting for BM to say something about that because his CS is based on a higher wage job (going to trial in December) and so he has to work 2 jobs to pay it (3 CS obligations).  She is always threatening to take him in for contempt so I would love for her to say something about that.

Sorry for butting in on your vent...I am frustrated too.

[Kitty C.]

We put our foot down on the phone calls to PBFH, cuz SS waa asking to call her ONLY 2 hours after getting to our house!  And she only lives 2 blocks away, for God's sake!

When he'd call, she would pull the poor, pitiful me crap and literally TELL SS that he missed her SO much, blah, blah, blah.  It would ruin the entire weekend cuz then SS would want to call her again and again and just mope around.

So I told DH NO MORE.  He gets ONE call about halfway thru the weekend, some time Sat. evenings.  PBFH tried to put up a stink about it, but DH let her know, in no uncertain terms, that it is OUR house, OUR phone, and HIS visitation.  SS had been coming over enough and it was close enough, that there was NO reason for such frequent calls, when all it does is upset SS.  She finally shut up.

And it worked like a charm!  I think he might have called off and on those Sat. nights for about 3-4 months, then all of a sudden he just STOPPED!  DH told me that one time when he took SS back, she asked him right in front of DH why he didn't call, and SS (bless his heart!) said 'Oh, I guess I was having too much fun!'  We've NEVER heard a word from her about it since!

[kaylene99]

Since venting helps release bad elements, I will do it, too.  There's no other group of people who can understand us better than SPARC can.

We have the kids for a month this summer, too.  We have discussed rules, responsibilities and chores while they are with us and, for the most part, that went well.  For not having been subjected to such routine and structure, they are doing well.  Of course, we get the occasional complaints and fighting but we're dealing with that the best way we could.

DH took some time off of to be with them.  Actually, prior to that, PBFH asked DH if I were taking some time off, too, because the kids would really want to spend time with him alone.  Not that that's not already happening anyway, but I just don't understand why she had to even state that like we didn't know the benefits of it.  I have always been a proponent of that.  Hubby is a "let's-do-things-as-a-whole-family" kind of guy but he understands that the kids are voracious for his attention.
Why?  Because we don't see them enough and their mother is not willing at all to meet us halfway when it was her decision to move that far away!  Ok, that would be another post for me.  Anyway, so they all had a great time while he was off.  Now that we're back to work, a neighbor takes care of the kids.

Last night, the PBFH called and spoke with the kids.  Kids told her things that happened at the neighbor's house without telling DH or myself first!  Of course, things were exaggerated that led to PBFH telling DH that the kids don't want to go to our neighbor's house anymore!  Excuse me, but, hello!!!  We have to go to work, too.  This is the arrangement we made rather than let them stay home alone which according to the kids they do until Mommy gets home from work.  They are both under 12 yrs. old so, technically, she could get in big trouble for that.  My stepdaughter told me that Mommy doesn't like people finding out about that.  I thought to myself "Of course, I wonder why".....

Anyway, I spoke with our neighbor and got the story straight.  My SS was being unruly and jumping all over their leather sofa.  He was told to stop but didn't right away and was being difficult.  He was also lent a goggle by our neighbor's son which he was using as a sling.  My SD complained to her mother that she's got sunburn on her face because our neighbor didn't put sunblock on her!  She's 9 yrs. old and able to do this herself which I told her.  Turns out that our neighbor did tell them to apply sunblock before hitting the pool and both didn't listen.  They were also diving to the pool which is not allowed in our community pool.  She finally raised her voice because the kids just won't listen.  I totally understand because they do the same thing at our house and also, with their own admittance, at their mother's house.  So, you see, kids can really paint a different picture on things and we, as parents, have to distinguish the truth without exaggeration.

Since the kids got here, the PBFH calls them almost everyday!  We wouldn't have minded otherwise but their conversation takes forever and, to me, that discounts and disrespects the fact that this is DH's time with the kids.  Once a day for 10-15 minutes is fine but gee!  I think she does it to remind the kids that she's around and that their time with us is just a vacation she allowed to happen.  Everything revolves around that woman and it's just pathetic!

Another thing is that I had set up an email account for the kids to use and asked SD to email her mother.  Big mistake!  Because why am I doing this when they are not even encouraged to email their father at all?  DH's feelings were hurt that they seem to want to email Mom while they're with us but they don't send him emails other than their Christmas list or what they want him to buy for them.  I can totally understand that and I feel sorry for an otherwise nice gesture on my part.  Maybe I should really stop being nice.

I told DH to talk about these things with PBFH calmly next time.  She needs to know what he really feels and, hopefully, show some respect and consideration.  After last night's call, the kids have blurted that they don't understand why we made them come over when we're not going to spend time with them!  GRRRR!  I almost wanted to tell them that "Your father has to go back to work so that he can pay the high child support to your mother!".  But I know better than that.  They also said they want to go home.   We'll see what happens these coming days.  If they truly want to go home, then we'll do just that.  PBFH will then have to make child care arrangement for them.  After all, if that happens, it would be due to her "manipulative" talks with them!  

Ok, I'm done for now. :)

[oklahoma]

I always thought it was funny that YSD would ask to call her mom either right after they got to our house or right before we left to take them back to BM--didn't matter if they were staying for the weekend or two weeks.  YSD didn't start even asking to call until just a few weeks before BM served my husband requesting sole legal custody.  One of her many reasons to change custody: We supposedly NEVER let the children call....  BTW, the parenting plan does not make any mention of phone calls between BM and children.  And OSD never did ask to call her mom--we just keep things too busy :)