Just pondering....

[oklahoma]

My husband's ex has a cycle, which he explained to me when we were dating and I have seen in full in the four years we have been married.  She will be thoroughly cooperative for a while--letting him have extra time, etc. etc.  Even friendly to the point of coming to our house to seek advice from my husband.  THEN she completely flip-flops and we end up in court--or trying to avoid court.

Well, my husband is not much into the details of parenting plans, etc.  And I will admit that he is willing to push various issues.  Most the time he can read his ex pretty well, so he knows how far to push.  (Of course when she flips to the dark side of her cycle, there is nothing anyone can do, really.)  Anyway, there have been occasions when he has been "in contempt."

In recent pondering, I realized that BM never used any of the instances that my husband was actually and truly in contempt when she filed papers.  She relied completely on falsehoods--not even mixing in the true with the false.  I just think it is odd.  We know she would get nowhere with just the little things my husband is actually in contempt over, but if she's going to lie anyway, why not include all the other stuff??

The ignorance of that woman is mind-numbing to me....  Even more mind-numbing is that she still gets away with whatever she wants--in and out of the courtroom.

[kaylene99]

If she doesn't include the stuff that your husband are actually "in contempt" for then tough luck.  But, by the same token, she includes stuff that your husband is NOT "in contempt" for so it sort of washes out.  I know it's not really fair but I would look at it that way and focus your energy in proving her lies.

My husband's ex-wife also has a cycle.  Right now, she's in the sort-of-nice cycle.  It's just a matter of time till Evil Witch shows up again.  Just around the corner!!!

[stepmom74]

My husband's ex is the exact same way.  She goes from being our best friend and letting us do whatever we want with my SD to not letting us see her on our scheduled weekends.  She has acted like she trusted me and felt good about my taking care of her daughter to telling me that I was crazy and that we weren't good parents.  

We have went to court on a few occasions and of course she lied on the stand about how well my husband provided for his daughter.  My husband is a really good dad; I wouldn't have had kids with him myself if I didn't believe that, but she made him sound just terrible. She didn't even want him to see his daughter in the first place!  He had to take her to court when my SD was 6 months old so he could see her at all!

I can't say his ex is the smartest person I know either but that's what makes them so hard to figure out.  Are they really that stupid and incompetent or do they just play that way?  It seems for a few months we're fine and then all of sudden, watch out!!  I think my husband's ex has a personality disorder.  She's even told us she's went to anger management classes before!

I am going through something similiar as you may have read on my recent message on the board.  We are really scared to take her to court because she lies so well on the stand about the dumbest things and to our amazement she gets away with it.  I believe a lot of judges side with the mothers, and that backwards thinking needs to change.  I know so many dads who aren't even given a chance to show how well they could raise their children because the judges think the mothers know best.

I feel for you and just know that what goes around, comes around.  Someday we will have our day in the sun and I hope it comes soon for the both of us! Ha, ha!  I keep hoping something bad will happen to her but nothing has yet.  Someday though.  Good people like us should be able to show those judges what real parenting is.

Good luck.

stepmom74

[stressedstepmom]

My husbands ex is the exact same way. She seems to yo-yo from one end to the other.  It is so frustrating trying to figure out what she wants when she is nice. We finally had to get a lawyer involved a few years ago. Now this woman is so hung up on all the lies she has told that I don't believe she knows what is the truth anymore. She has lived in her parents basement since the divorce (11 yrs!!) with the boys, was on welfare for 5 of those years,  used welfare to go back to school and get her bachelors.  She has had that for at least 3 years but still refuses to work. She even petitioned for and won more cs by saying she was going to move out of her parents. This was 6 years ago and she never moved. She has always gotten the right people believing her sob stories. This woman lives for causing my husband pain. I only hope that our day in the sun is Thursday when we go to court over the summer visitation.