Stepparent Issue Question

[magician]

Well, it looks like the choice is gone..........the EX has already contacted her lawyer and is  trying to go back to court on this issue combined with the fact that DH is paying his half of doctor bills after insurance directly to the doctor's office.  We had to start doing this when she wasn't using the money we sent her to pay the bills, resulting in the doctor's office requesting that we pay directly.  So here's my continuing confusing question.  I know that when this name issue is put into the paperwork it is usually worded as 'biological parents' will be called mom or dad, or any derivitive.  However, my eldest SD was actually adopted by my DH when she was 1 year old.  She is unaware that her mother is now dating her bio father (mother constantly threatens to tell her but hasn't yet).  So, in the paperwork does it need to be worded that 'legal parents' will be called mom or dad, or any derivitive?  Thanks for ALL your comments and replies!

[DeeDee]

sheesh.....About a decade ago I think I found the "right idea"..

I had my sk's call me by a nickname that no one else did but in OUR circles...(i.e. the children and who the children introduced me to or the children had dealings with)

Dh's ex had huge issues with sk's calling me mom...but this was never an issue in our family because sk's never called me mom..

However dh's ex actually pettitioned the court for the sk's to call me something other than the "nickname" they used for me claiming it emotionally damaged her because they kept slipping up and calling HER by MY nickname LOLOLOLOL. (poor kids though)

After three years of no visits from their bm..younger sk will call me Mama or Mamasita...it makes sense, I've been taking care of her since she was a year old....AND bm messed it up by teaching her a song called, "Die MY NICKNAME, Die". *heavy sigh* My sk's refer to me as "mama" when speaking to her, but call me by my "nick" most of the time.

I am not hurt at all by it..and it is a source of relief for them...One of them once said, "I'd rather have a "My nick" than a mom any day of the week, because moms can hurt so much.

I dunno, me and all my sk's have our nicknames...mine probably sticks the most.  I've learned than nicknames, are often a term of endearment and often mean a great deal more than a label. I never set it out to be this way it simply happened.

Would it help your sk's if they decided on a nickname for you? It may be a was of softening the blow to them.  (one of my older sk's called me M&M for a month...she said it stood for "mammoth mama" LOL I told her to make a "wide load" sign for me to hang on my belt...then she corrected me that the mammoth meant the amount of love in my heart..and not..the size of my behind.  

DeeDee

[heather2662]

My husband told me an amusing story the other day that I think I should share with you.......

One of the guys he works with told a story about his kids calling the SM, "mom" This made the BM furrious and she got a court order for it to stop. (I didn't know such a thing could happen)

Now the kids (on there own!) call the SM "the pretty one"...
I wonder wich one makes her more mad? LOL

Heather-IL Step Mom

[magician]

Heather, I really needed that!  I haven't laughed so hard in days!  Thank you.......

[tdhuffman03]

that has got to piss off the BM indeed....

[wendl]

Many court orders state that only the natural parents may be referred to as Mom or Dad.

We too had this problem, when dh and I married we told all the kids (his and mine) that they could call us whatever they wanted.

Mom and dad divorced when yss was 18 months I bet dh whne yss was 3, and married him when yss was 5.

Anyways yss started calling me mom and his mother got soo mad.

So what we did was all sit down and wrote down a list of names (fun ones we all thought of) this way we could pick a name and all the kids (his and mine) could refer to us as the same thing.

SO the boys decied Shma for me, this way I am not takng the MOM name and have a fun name of my own.

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[true]

Hey there,

Well lets see I am the cp, the "MoM". We recently went throught a court hearing, the ex asking for custody of our children. I have had physical custody since my youngest was approximately four months old. The ex is now on his third relationship......divorced now twice living with his latest for quite some time. We both share the same "First Name" I was pleasantly pleased when he found this newest SO as she was much older than him and felt that he found a "mother" type figure that he needed to guided him through life. Thrilled acutally.
Fast forwarded to this last summer of the previous few, there is much spending going on, such as arrive for summer time with Dad and both children get 36 inch flat screen tv's for the bedrooms. I dont have that kind of cash to compete but I also refuse to "compete" as well.
The court hearing happened he was given additional time during the summer, even though our youngest needs "transistional" time prior to school starting. (she is currently receiving and and particpates in an IEP program at school.)
She has been quided and her words now sound much older than her vocabulary and has started calling me by my first name and the SO as "Mom". On the telephone you could hear the comments from the adults in the background. They encouraged my youngest duaghter to call me by my given first name. I find this type of behavior unacceptable. I understand that children grow to love their step parent very deeply as I am a product of a divorced family. I dont believe that using my name and MoM in the negative that was created as acceptable behavior. I donot behave in that manner with my children in regards to their fathers SO. As parents we all need to find the right place with each other and deal more effectively as a group as parents rather than placing our children to choose "sides" between parents.

true

[wendl]

4,
I couldnt agree with you more, my son is a pre-teen many of his friends call me mom, and I remember growing up I too called many of my friends parents mom and dad, as well as grandma, I have know my bestfriend for 23yrs and have always called his grandma (who raised him ) grandma, and my son now does.

:)

My son too calls his friends mom or dad when he is at their house, he refers to my friend who he has known since he was 3 as his other mom (lmao and he acts on his normal behavior there, not all good like some kids while at friends house, he shows his true colors, her son does the same to me.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**