DH gives up....

[smtotwo]

After spending a week in jail, I,(stepmom) put a restraining order against the psychomommy for her false claims that put me there.

Court was monday.  She can't call our home or drop the children off here she and dh must meet somewhere else.

Today is the start of dh's xmas vacation.  When he called the kids they said they weren't coming here because of the lies in court.  And I don't mean that psycho told them lies about court she actually brought them to the courtroom.  NOthing that was said was a lie but she cerainly convinced them that it was.  
And with no visit then that means no way to tell them the truth!!

DH told me to unwrap and return their presents.  Of course I'm hoping he'll get past this, I won't return their gifts but does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with Him?  He's so hurt and angry right now!!

[MYSONSDAD]

He is hurt and full of pain. Can't say I blame him. It will take time, day by day.

From your post, why were the kids in court? How old are they? What  did she receive for doing that to you?

I know this is no consolation, but someday those kids will grow up and see for themselves.

 
"Children learn what they live"

[Stepmom0418]

My DH has gotten pretty upset over BM and denial of visitation. First and foremost remind him of what the children will become if he isn't in their life. Who will be there role model? Of course BM will be the role model. I am sure he doesn't want that.

I can't remeber alot about your situation but the advise I can give you knowing what I know from your post is that your DH cant give up! Let him have some time to grieve over the situation and then its back to the war! He has to understand how much of an influence that BM has on the children and understand that it is not the childrens "bright" idea not to come. We all know that it is BM and just another one of her tactics to hurt your DH and in turn BM is going to hurt the children in the long run.


Also once your Dh has time to cool off I would suggest that he file a contempt/show cause hearing. Make BM accountable for her actions!

As for you try and be supportive but also make sure that he does not give up entirely! Children need their fathers!!!!!!!!!

Good Luck and keep us posted! We are thinking of you during this tough time and have added you to our prayer list as well!

[flewwellin]

My hubby would have reacted a lot like your's did.  I have found that if i give him some space to think and just veg over what's going on, he'll realize that it's the BM that is causing the problems not the kids and why punish the kids  for something she does?    flewwellin

[backwardsbike]

Hi!

I am so sorry for you and DH and the kids.  I have been doing this whole custody thing for awhile now ( six years).  My ex tells the kids every detail of every trip to court and brings them every time he can get away with it.

They are convinced that "dad always tells the truth"  Yeah, his version of the truth.  But they can't know that now.  They are son15 and daughter12.  Dad is CP and this attitude of telling them every detail of each disagreement has hurt them a lot.  They are stressed, anxious and don't know who to trust.

This past summer they lied to a custody evaluator and told him dad's version of the truth.  Of course the evaluator was not smart enough or paid enough to pick it out and I lost a custody eval for the second time.

Please tell your DH to remember it is NOT the kids doings.  That is so hard to remember when your heart is breaking because your kids reject you.  I know.  But you have to find a way to separate it out.  Otherwise you do give up on the kids but then they loose and you do too because who can be whole that way?

Be supportive of him and seek some support for yourself.  You deserve it and it can make or break your relationship with DH.  This is all too painful for maost families to handle on thier own.  You have come to a good place.  Keep coming back and good luck to all of you.

And as the other post said.  After a moments reflection go aftert hat contempt.  These CPs can't be allowed to get away with this kind of behavior!  I think that is placing the anger squarely where it belongs.  That is the begining of healing.

[smtotwo]

Court was for a R.O. because she called social services and filed a false report...judge said we have to talk to the DA about that, and also because she's called my house and left several messages on my machine. VERY NASTY!!
 
So, RO says she cannot come to the house must meet DH somewhere neutral and SHE cannot call our house.

She brougth the kids to the hearing for the Restraining Order I filed against her and while the RO was issued she told the kids that everything I said was lies
 
The kids are only 8 & 10.  Any way in WI it is a class E felony to withhold a child for more than 12 past court ordered placement time.
That falls somewhere around noon tomorrow.

I hope in the morning that DH will call and get psychomommy on tape denying the visit then we can file charges!!

That is if his head isn't swollen to the size of a watermelon.  He's sleeping it off right now.  I feel soooo bad for him and for the kids!!

[MYSONSDAD]

I feel his pain, been thru it much more then I care to admit. With the holidays here, it just adds to it.

8 & 10? Is she nuts? What kind of influence is that? I wonder if the Judge noticed her bringing the kids along.

I am beginning to the there is a PBFH factory some where and cranking these b*tches out by the thousands...

They all do the same sh!t, like they come off an assembly line.

"Children learn what they live"

[Genie]

my DH has gone through hell and back with kids and BM and her lies and them believing everything she says and DH is wrong. Couldn't even try to dispute her lies b/c then we were accused of calling BM a liar (which she is and tried to prove) and talking bad about her to the kids (like she didn't do that to start this all off?).

However, this is BM's fault.  The kids are stuck in the middle and unfortunately are fed her lies on a regular basis. What are they going to do or believe.  Also, you don't know how much they mean and how much they are saying to appease BM who I'm sure will come down on them if they want to see Dad.

Hopefully with time, he will calm down. As they get older they will realize more and more. Until then, it will be more of the same.

[teakae]

I think so too. I always wonder why they all do the same things. Our counselor said that family law judges hear the same crap all day long and that they are tired of it. Well, I don't see them re-zoning the factory so that they can't manufacture these PBFHs anymore.

And what kind of insanity for a Judge to allow children to be inthe court room. My PBFH tried to get a restraining order against me and she wasn't allowed to bring the kids. There were some other people there who actually did bring kids (mostly because they couldn't afford a babysitter) and were told they need to leave them somewhere else.

My SKids are 8 and 10 also. Are fed lies about daddy and daddy's girlfriend all the time. They haven't been alienated against him yet only because our PBFH is not very consistant in anything she does, including alienation tactics. She jumps from one thing to the next and never does the same stuff twice so it doesn't stick on the children very well.

One time she had a good sit down with the girl 8yrs old and convinced her it was "dirty" to let me touch her physically or to come close to any of my personal belongings. When father asked me to brush her hair after her bath, she clearly told me "mommy told me that I can't let you touch me because its bad and I don't want you touching me!" Surprised, we asked her why and explained that rules are different at daddy's house and it is OK to let me touch her but she doensn't have to let me touch her if she really doesn't want to. The girl cheered up and said she did want to have me brush her hair and she actually wanted to try on my shoes. We thought she will continue to come back with the same beliefs on the next visit but no it was like she totally forgot about it.

The only thing is that her motivation and desire to alienate and control is always there so she just continues to do what suits her at that moment and time.

I hear your pain and your DH's pain. We live in the same situation too. We have seriously discussed giving up and moving to Hawaii so that visitation isn't really practical and if the kids do come, PBFH can't come knocking on the door in the middle of the night to intrude on us. We wonder if we did that, she will chill out and focus on careing for the children rather than doing things to hurt them. After all, if they don't have any good things in their lives, there will be nothing that can be taken away. But we are still trying. Just so he can tell his kids he is doing his best to get to see them more often. And take comfort in knowing that the kids will grow up to know what a bitch their momther is but don't allow it to be the reason you don't do your best at all times. Its true kids will understand in the long run but they will also understand that you basically gave up and did nothing. They don't need to realize they have a weak loser dad in addition to a selfish mother.  So hang in there and support each other. I think my SO would have given up long ago with out me and I would have been crushed long ago with out each other.