where do I start?

[justice]

I need to get any available information on fighting for joint or sole custody for a father in Oklahoma.  Any help would be appreciative.  My boyfriend filed for divorce over 2 years ago.  There are many instances that have happened already to where he should have sole custody.  The mother has neglect and abuse charges.  She has testified in court that she pulls her son by his hair and that she hits him in the chest.  DHS, found the bruises that were on the children not to be life threatening and returned them to the custody of the mother.  The father (my boyfriend) in the beginning was only seeking joint custody.  But right now he is only allowed visitation.  He works 30 days on and 30 days off for commercial barge lines, so he gets them every other week when he is home.  So that is 12 weeks out of the year. He was getting them more until the mother realized it was affecting her child support total. I am only giving little detail here.  But it comes down to the mothers family having connections in the county legal system in our county, that and the mothers attorney when to law school with the judge so they are chummy.  The kids are only a paycheck for the mother...right now she is getting 1100 child support and 1000 alimony per month.  The kids often tell there dad that they don't have food to eat....yet nothing is done.  When DHS goes for inspections...they call and make an appointment instead of doing a suprise visit.  There have been times he has picked the children up and they haven't bathed for days.  I know this isn't maybe that big of deal. But the kids are only 5 and 8.  They cry to there dad on the phone to come and get them.  The lastest is that the mom has now moved some guy she met off the internet (from virginia, but we have no proof) into the home.  She says that he is not living there...but he brought his kids with them and has enrolled them in school.  No one in the house is working of course they are living off my boyfriends support.   I found in the Oklahoma law where that if we can prove that she has a male living with here that the alimony can be stopped.  But don't know how to go about getting proof wihout breaking laws.  I keep telling my boyfriend that he needs better legal representation.  He has had his lawyer for 1 year.  When he first hired him right off the bat, the lawyer got his alimony lowered.  That was last April 2003 nothing has happened since.  There are records of the mother being in contempt on the visitations...but when they get a court date.  The dad is always put on the stand first and they ask him the same things over and over.  Where do you work. Blah Blah until its late and than he never gets to put his witnesses on the stand.  His son is starting to stutter and withdrawl.  I need some legal direction here.  I need to find a good lawyer in Okahoma that will fight for these kids and fight for their dad and their 14th amendment rights..  Can you point me in a good direction?

[gipsy]

First let me tell you the court Is alway's hearing these kind of complaints , And the atty's .
   What I can tell you Is You need to get an atty that Will just talk to you like a real human , And Not let you run On and on . About all these details . Hate to tell you this, but they are all sick of hearing all this crap , Been there done that !!!, There are specific rules and laws that the court has to go by to make custody changes and , They do , I really did not Know this My self untill I went to trial !But previous to trial My atty did tell me some of these rules , And unfortunatley with Your boy friend Being on and off like he is he won't be so likely to get the kids ,
  But here, in was state On the standard court printout parenting plans , You can get them at the court house or go online and type in superior court , Or what ever court has jurisdiction for your case and look at one, This site should have all that In it. You just have to look for the list of documents on this site for your state. , Then look at the parenting plan and there are specific laws , Like neglect , Abuse , Etc , That prohibit contact with the children , That May give you some direction if you then look at the law numbers and go to [Your state ) Here its called RCW   Revised code Of washington , Secondly the best damn thing you can do is Go interview A number of atty's , There is a section on this site about atty selection , Read it, this site has a ton of info on it , But right now you just need to find the Laws for your state ,Oddly they use to  call it family law , Now they call it domestic relations , And a parenting plan , And Interview attys . To me the most important thing About atty selection is this , The atty talks to you like a regular person . And As important , Is the atty will ask You certain Questions having to do with the case and whats going on with the kids ,Most atty's won't explain the law to you , Its not to complicated , But remmember "we" are emotional . But You need to interview a few atty's . If I was to say . I was starting all over again , I would recomend five interviews at least , And bring a pen and paper , And You need to get to the points , Forget all the emotional stuff , A good atty doesn;t want to here that , Ask them to direct you to what may pertain to a change of custody , And lowering the alimoney , And what laws pertain and where it is ,so you can have a clear picture of what your goals are . Also ask if they have court appointed, parenting investigaters , or Guardian Ad Litems , And ask if they know wich ones to steer clear of ,, Please don't  bore the atty with a bunch of she did this and that , The best advice my first atty gave me was to put into writing why I think there should be a change of custody , He read it and told me flatley , " the judge won't give a change of custody for this . So I feel You should put a document in order . With some pics of the kids all filthy at the pick up etc ,And any reports Or abuse charges .  And Go give it to a few attys at the interview , This cuts the bullshit in about one third , And you have time to ask other questions , I have been through Two attys , And have to use two good ones . I'm Telling you right now , You don't want a bad atty . You want one that will tell you directly what You do , In this state they have implemented the Guardian ad Litem / parenting investigater program , You go to the court and set a court date to appoint ,  Its called  MOTION TO APPOINT GAL PARENTING INVESTIGATER ON BEHALF OF MINOR CHILD, I have been there and done that !!! There is a few tricky turns to this that need to be explained , That You will only figure out from going through it and , No atty will tell you this , One of them Is Many forms of information can be given to the GAL . Like Affidavits , or sworn declarations , These are not admissable at trial , BUT !!! the GAL report can be swayed greatly by these documents and then the GAL reports to the judge , And hence some flakey information goes to the judge in a round about way ,, If your state appoints investigaters on behalf of children , And you get that far with an atty , Then My Email Is    [email protected]    Save this and email me , Most states do this , And let me tell you In wash state the judge isn't going to do diddly for you with out that report ,, And there is a good reason , The reason is , The atty's work for the paying parent , And the GAL is paid for By you and the other parent to represent the child , And the judge does not have time to go over all thius crap or come and visit you and the mom and the kids , Here the GAL Can talk to the kids and report what they say to the judge , If the kids say . Mom talks bad about Dad , And we want to live with dad , You have a chance , So Get this straight , You DON'T  want the kids to say the opposite , And if they say there living conditions are betterat dads and they say it, then you have a chance , BUT , As My atty explains , You don;t have a chance if the kids say we want to live with dad because he lets us stay up all night and and eat ice cream .  You do have a chance if the kids say dad does things with us . Like fly a kite and go camping , And teaches us to ride a bike , And mom doesn't have a pot to piss in .this is just what I learned going through this crap , It is by no means complete information and may or may not really pertain , But I hope it helps , Just remember atty selection is EVERY THING You don't need a great atty . Or an atty that talks flashy grandios bull, 'been there done that' spent a lot of money ,
   The atty I ended with put it all so simply I couldn't believe it was so simple , But it really is if a decent atty point you to the right information and just asks the questions that pertain ,