Savings account

[kaylene99]

Hi,

I am curious to know how many of you non-custodial stepparents have opened up a savings account for your stepkids.  How did the custodial parent take it?  What is your opinion on opening one for kids aged 12 and 10?

I opened up a savings account for each of my two stepkids (under their own names).  We talked to them about saving their money and they are both eager to have an account.  The thing is, I did not discuss this with their mom.  Their dad and I agree on teaching the kids about saving.  Do you think I overstepped the bounds here?  I personally don't.  

I am inclined to give their mother their ATM cards so that she can guide them with depositing and withdrawing money as appropriate.  I am the custodian of the account but their mom can deposit and withdraw with their ATM card.  Do you see a potential issue with this that would later make me say "I wish I didn't open a savings account for the kids!!!"?  Of course, since they are minors, I will encourage their mom to keep their ATM cards and not let them use it on their own.  That's just common sense.

Thank you for your advice/opinion in advance!
 

[4honor]

the fact you are her ex's wife is reason to hate you and everything you do.

As a step mother, you have the right to shut up and take whatever BM decides you can do. She may be a great BM and you will not have problems, but it is more likely that she will feel you are going where you should not.  

You didn't talk to her about it and it is something your name is on and not hers (even if you "allow" her access to the account.)

Savings is a good idea,  but putting your name on it is like drawing a bulls eye on your back. I would not volunteer to go there.

[Sunshine1]

This is your worst nightmare waiting to happen in my opinion.  Just putting myself in your shoes and using our BM as an example...those kids would never have a dime in that account... EVER.

You are just giving her a reason to control more of your life by giving her access to your bank accounts...myself..bad idea.

I would spin it as this is something that you and your step children can do together.  EOsaturday or whatever your schedule is, go to the bank and deposit any money they have saved to do so, or if they get any type of allowance at your house, deposit that.

My DH just took my son, (his stepson) to open a savings account, and it is something that they do and chat about together.  DS keeps asking him..howmuch more do I need for half that 4 wheeler??  It is really cute.

Our theory is, what we do at our house stays at our house, what they do at BM's house, stays at BM's house unless it is like toys or whatever, DH isn't married to her anymore, and you guys aren't one big happy family that pools money together are ya??? No probably not.  I would keep the savings account and all ATM cards up to you and DH.

[dontunderstand]

I am with Sunshine.  Our BM would take everything SD had.  It is definately something that you can do together.  While it is great that you are trying to be so on point with Bm, bottom line is unless she is sane, it isn't a good idea to involve her in your household. (Even if she is, it probably isn't a good idea)  We have the same rule, what happens here at this this house is our business, what happens at BM's house is her business....good luck!

[joni]

I agree with the other posters.  This account should be for their use with you only.  You should deposit money "earned" while with you, whether it's for chores or bdays.  It should only be withdrawn when with you.  

If they want the same privledge with mom, have her open one on her time with them and with her rules.  Otherwise, I could see mom exploiting the use of it to hurt a good deed you did.  Remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

[cinb85]

and I think what you have done is very nice!  Sounds like you are a great step-mom and they are lucky to have you.

If my ex's girlfriend would do something this nice for our daughter, I would really appreciate it and wouldn't expect for her to give me access to that account.  If she were to give me access to that account, I would not take advantage of it (of course I DO know that there are many BM's out there who would).  I have a custodial account for our daughter and I have NEVER taken money out of it.  The only reason that I am the custodian is so I CAN take money out in case of an emergency.

I think that this savings account is just something that you and your step-children should have access to.  Keep up the great work!

[kaylene99]

I really appreciate your input! :-)  I can't foresee the future but I can foresee this being somewhat of an issue.  Bio-mom might think I'm one-upping her with her kids so......

I've decided that I will tell the kids about it but not give their mother their ATM cards.  We will encourage them to save what they earn from our household (allowance for doing chores, etc) and what their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins from our side of the family will give them as gifts.  Hopefully, they will be eager enough to save and this is definitely something we can all do together as a family sans their mom.  If their mom decides to open up a savings account for them, then that's her own business with them.  I am sure the kids will mention what I did to her so, hopefully, she'll be a grown woman and not think of it as a "competition".

Thanks for steering me in the right way on this!!! :-)  Y'all are the best.