What do you do when...

[Sunshine1]

The BF up and one day announces that he would like their SF to adopt them and he would like no more financial obligation or them in his life anymore?

That was the interesting call I recieved today.  He hasn't seen them for over 6 months and before that it was another 8 months.  His wife/SM is definately the root cause of most of our conflicts as she is bi-polar and can not control it, if medicated, she is usually good but she doesn't take them regularly so we never know what kind of fun day is in store when  the kids go for parenting time.

We recently went back to court to modify support to reflect the needs of our children (both special needs) and the judge thought it was also best that the children not be alone with her for any amount of time.  It got too difficult for BF to keep her happy and take the kids at the same time....so he opted to just not take them.

What the hell do you say to an offer like that?  One part of me is ecstatic I could be rid of these 2 nightmares, but most of me wants to just spit on him because I think he is a disgusting pig for wanting to give up his children.  I know I can be a pain in the ass, but I am not that big of a pain in the ass to make you want to walk away from your children.

This was a father who went to everything, did everything, ate dinner with us, hung out with my husband fixing cars, attended school conferences, football games that we car pooled to, dr appts, you name it, he was usually there.

The moment this woman came into his life it all went to hell in a hand basket in a matter of months.  I just don't get it.  How does someone decide this?  This thought would never cross my mind in 10 billion years!!  Seriously people?  How do you come to a conclusion of wanting to give your children??

I don't know if I can do it, how do you tell your 9 year old that your dad gave you to your step dad when he worships the ground he walks on?  WTF!!!@!!@##$@%@%$%$^^%^$%#$!!!!!!!!

[janM]

I agree with you.
Assuming you were to take him up on his offer, how does your husband feel about adopting? How long have you been married?

[Sunshine1]

We have been together for 6 years and actually married for almost 3 of those 6.  My husband is more than willing to adopt them.

We dug a little deeper into this and it ALL revolves around money.  He makes me sick.  He wants no financial obligation for them and is willing to go the extra mile to make it so he doesn't have to pay.  I haven't heard from him in over 6 months so everything is starting to pile up I am assuming.  I can't believe that someone has that much influence over one person. His wife is totally the mastermind behind this plan.

It is finally time to pay the piper and he is starting to sweat.  His tax deduction was taken because he is behind, he is in arrears due to quitting his job right after the new CS order went through he is hoping for it to be lowered, and I just sent in all the medical receipts (and I don't hang on to them so they pile up, i send them monthly so I can keep track and they don't pile up.)  With our children's medical needs he would rather just throw in the towel and to quote his wife "be with his normal child".  But if I ever took to heart what she said to me I'd be in jail and doing 7-10.

Here is what my husband told me.  He said I will graciously take the burden of his children away from him, but he must draw up the papers (he wants me to do that because its about 2000.00.. of course) himself and prsent them to us in our lawyers office, and he must write a letter to his children telling them why he is choosing to terminate his rights.   then and only then will he adopt them. I said... in haste... I will gladly draw up these papers to get this worthless piece of a turd out of their lives and then we both thought about it and said there is no way I am going to make this easy on him, that way I can look my children in the eyes and tell them I had no part in this other than making sure you were safe and had a father that loved you and wanted to raise you.

My husband also said, we don't have to agree to it either.  He doesn't need a piece of paper to tell him that he is their father, they already acknowledge him as a father in their life.  What's the difference, we just keep doing what we are doing.  There is no difference.  I am very lucky to have this man in my life I will tell you that.  I didn't think there was a person on this earth who could have calm me down the other day.  I was seriously postal after what I heard coming from my phone.  LOL  My husband is one in a million that is for sure!  Ok I will stop gushing over him now.  Anyway it is all up in the air, but I am not doing him any favors that's for dang sure!

[dipper]

That is awful!  What a serious pile of crap.   Definitely make him draw up the papers........and unless you agree to drop the CS, I think he would still owe.  

My children's father rarely ever sees them...and he is very neglectful on support.  It's like all he cares about is his mommy and himself.  Our children dont come into play.  Makes me angry....I sometimes wish he would sign over rights....just to be done with him.  I want him in their lives, but I wonder if it wouldnt be better for him just to be gone than this slow torture.  What is worse...not having a dad, or having one that treats you like you are disposable?

My dh is good to my children - he has never said one bad word about supporting them.  he never looks at it like that...we are married so they are our children.

[dontunderstand]

Sunshine,
I am so sorry!  It sounds SO MUCH like DD "dad"  behind on support, doesn't call or see her.  Thank God for DH~for sure.  It sounds like something his dumb @$$ would say.  He had the nerve to call the other baby mama the other day and ask her if she got her tax return yet.  She told him it was none of his biz.  He said it was, he is pissed that he pays child support (HAHAHA, he is 8 months behind and hiding from CS) and "everyone else gets to claim his kids!  Maybe because EVERYONE else supports your kids.  And it is funny they suddenly become "his kids" when money is involved.  He is such a pathetic SOB!!  I say do what your heart says, your husband's plan sounds fair and well thought out!  Your kids (and you) are very lucky...let me know how it goes and if you need to vent...let me know...