Talk about confusing a man!

[4honor]

This morning DH's ex called up and told him "You win."

DH asked "I win what?" they had not been having any disagreements that he knoew of... since she has not returned his call in over 6 months he figured they weren't arguing.

"You win, SS is in jail," she said and hangs up.

Dh calls her back. She will not pick up. Dh bites his tongue and asks her to please call him and let him know what is going on and what she is talking about.

He calls 3 times over the course of the morning and then calls his mother and asks if she knows what BM  is tallking about.

It seems SS had met a girl and did not know their age difference -- he is not to be around anyone more than 24 months younger than him. He got all figitty when he was asked on his polygraph if he and the girl had had "relations". So since he failed they shoved his fanny in jail til next Monday.

If he fails on Monday, he does 36 weeks in Juvie... so since it is all DH's "fault" that SS can't tell the truth, or keep his body parts to himself, we are gonna hear it for the next 36 weeks at least from DH's mother.

MIL and BM are even trying to figure out how to bail him out. I say leave his fanny there for the next 5 days and let him get it into his head that this is serious stuff... such co-dependent behavior is harming him. You can't rescue a teenager from all of his consequences, or you kill his ability to make good choices and think out results of his own actions.

[Sherry1]

My YSS committed juvie felony when he was 11 and BM fought the system tooth and nail to make sure his time in juvie was as little as possible.  YSS only got 3 days in juvie.  He subsequently committed juvie felony again at 14.  BM didn't interfere this time around and YSS spent two weeks in juvie.  That two weeks was what YSS needed to enforce in his head he didn't want to go back and he didnt' want to spend his life in prison.  He has kept out of trouble since.

[Kitty C.]

DS just spent the entire last year away from home because of one felony and 6 simple misdemeanors.  He spent FIVE & ONE-HALF months in JD.  Part was because he was fighting the felony charge, which ended up being dropped because they couldn't make it stick, and part because the state did a psych. eval. while he was in there and it took forever to get results, then get placement.  He was out for 2 weeks, then off to a residential treatment facility for 6 months............he just got out on his 18th birthday just a couple weeks ago.

It's not the JD that's most needed, because in most states, they get no help in there.  It's where they can put the kids once they're evaluated to get the help they need that's important.  JD was definitely NO benefit to DS, except for getting the eval. and waiting for placement.  Some of the other 'kids' in there I wouldn't want to cross in a lit alley.  But RTC is a whole other ballgame.  Here in Iowa, there's a non-profit organization that contracts with the state and runs a majority of the RTC's that is EXCELLENT, thank God.  That's where the real help comes from...the type that can last a lifetime...........

[4honor]

BM and MIL got their way. DH was told in no uncertain terms that he was to take MIL's money up and bail SS out and then sit and wait for BM to get home from work. He still thinks it was the wrong thing for SS, but he also knows that MIL and BM will have used the lack of action as a "your father didn't care enough to show up and bail you out, poor poor dear boy."  And that would F*@# with Ss's head more than anything.

I still contend that you cannot have a decent influence on a half grown child with only 96 hours a month in contact.

[dsm]

Hang in there and just keep on keeping on.....

one day it will come back around.....

(((HUGS)))

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dsm - 36; DH - 40; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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[MixedBag]

hope DH is doing better after being pulled around like that.

You're right -- if he didn't, they'd turn that around on him and mess with SS's head...more....

[wendl]

Hey 4 hope you and dh are doing well.

With all the problems ss has had I think he should have stayed for at least a week, I know you and DH don't have extra $ laying around.  How come BM didn't come up with the money to bail him out.

You and dh are good parents, is ss still in treatment??

Hang in there hun, you know I am always thinking of you, I miss our talks.

I will email you later with some of our updates, if you want to talk, pop me an email.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[4honor]

SS went to Juvie and is doing a week.

[MixedBag]

will it sink in???

and will he survive?

[SMBlues]

Amen!!