How can the judge do this? (long)

[nerd]

went to court yesterday.  Father(CP-was suppose to be temp, so mother could get on her feet after divorce)  petitioned court (again, and again) to have emergency order to stop visitation.  Said Mother has "vicious, killer, pit bulls roaming the house and the children are afraid to go to her home for visitation because of the dogs.  Mother got a mixed bred puppy over a year ago and the children have raised him and love him.  He has never caused any harm to any of the children.  He has known about the children's pet for well over a year and knew that they were not afraid of him.  So here is what he did.  He went to the internet and found a graphic video clip of a dog attacking a small child and ripping its little hand off!  then he browses other sites for similar info and makes the kids read it.  then he calls up the school counselor and tell her that the children are afraid to go to Mom's because of the killer pit bulls!  when the counselor talked to the kids and found out that it is not their pet they are afraid of it is all the graphic horror stories, she told the father that it was a family matter and that the kids loved their pet.  He then proceed to tell the boys to go back everyday and try again to convince the counselor that they were afraid.  They did go to the counselor out of fear of punishment, but told her that dad made them come back.  This past Friday, judge assigned a GAL to children.  We were happy that she did this.  He talked to the kids and they told him that they have never been harmed by the pet nor were they afraid of him.  GAL said in his report that his concern was the father's action of making the kids watch this violent, bloody video of a dog mauling a child.
In court the judge, dismissed the case as unfounded, but refuse to give sanction.  she then lump mother in with the entire mess and said she was tired of seeing them (Mother has never brought anything before the court except when father disappeared with kids for two months) and said that the next time she would order counseling (been there, done that, this man has been arrested more than once for assault and battery of several women) As soon as she said that, father said that he intended to bring an issue with SF before the court next week!  judge then immediately ordered them both into counseling!
the problem is that he moved almost two hours away without even giving notice to mother.  Now she has to drive a 4 hour round trip to go to counseling and pay for counseling that she cannot afford.  she has authorized that 100% of her paycheck be sent to DCSE! they are living on her husbands pay alone.  
I don't understand why this judge would cause more hardship on the mother because the father is creating so much trouble?  It seems like she is being punished for being the NCP when he is the one abusing the courts!
any comfort or suggestions are gratefully welcome.  we have a legal aid attorney but he is not being aggressive enough, can't afford anyone else.  

[nerd]

Judge did not even give the GAL a chance to tell her his concerns about the video clips! and the children being used as pawns!

[StPaulieGirl]

Are you the mom?

The father seems like a swell guy.  Making kids watch  violent videos of kids being mauled by dogs is sick.  The attorney for the mother needs to get more agressive.  I think the father is abusing the kids.  

[nerd]

No.  I am the grandmother.  I found this site looking some comfort and tools in order to help.  I am also alienated from my grandchildren.  My letter go unanswered, I can't call them on their birthdays to wish them a happy birthday.  My cards and letters are thrown away.  And I am also feeling the brunt of my youngest grandson's PAS.  I am trying to help my daughter, who felt up until I found this site, that she did not have any rights what so ever.  not even to go have lunch with her children at school.  she now has the courage, because of the info that I have been giving her, to stand up for her rights and her children.

the attorney is a legal aid attorney. he is a nice man, but not very aggressive, he lets the father bowl everyone over in court.  we cannot afford another attorney.    

[nerd]

you have to understand that this woman has been severely alienated and abused both mentally, emotionally, and physically by this man.  he had her convinced for years that she was a vile human being who is only alive because HE allows her to be alive.  I say we, but SHE is my daughter, and I cannot no more stand her being treated like this than I can stand my grandchildren being used as pawns in his sick games.

[StPaulieGirl]

Thanks for the correction.  How sad for you.  I'm a grandma, and although she's not even two yet, I've become attached to her.  I still have two children at home, so that's why I'm here.  I'm the CP, but I'm dancing with the devil.  I want what's best for my kids.

There is an article on how to deal with a narcissist in court, on this site.  I suggest you print it out and show it to the attorney.  I would also suggest, should this attorney keep dragging his feet, that he refer you to someone more agressive.  Also, even though Social Services is NO ONE'S FRIEND, I would think about scheduling an interview with a social worker regarding those dog mauling videos.  This should not be a phone interview, but you, your daughter and son in law should be in a conference with someone...in person.  Most people just get on the phone with these people, so this would show that you all are honestly concerned.  Get the counselor involved in this, should you go this route.

Pyscho parents come in all different genders.  They have this insatiable need to punish and dominate.  

Good luck :-)

[nerd]

Thank you for your advice.  I have read the article on narcisstic personality.  but her lawyer will never be able to do it ..too passive.  I also just got off the phone with a social worker (I called before i read your reply)  and she said that this was a "grey area" and she doubted anything could be done about it.  No broken bones or bruises!  My daughter does intend to bring it to the attention of the counselor.  

This site keeps me sane!

[StPaulieGirl]

How old is your daughter, and how long was she with him?  

This is something that you should consider.  She could be suffering from "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder".  Does she have flashbacks and nightmares?  If someone comes up behind her, does she damn near jump through the ceiling?  

I've never been diagnosed, having spent my time trying to get some meaningful therapy for my son; but man, this stuff can give you health problems.  When my ex found an enabler, he got rid of all his posessions, cut his hair different, and even started talking with a different voice inflection.  I started having nightmares and flashbacks.  See, when I met him....he was soooo nice.  The minute he got that ring on my finger, Dr. Jeckyl turned into Mr. Hyde.  My second oldest daughter's bf (Mr. Badass tattooes and shaved head), was almost in tears trying to figure out what was going on.  

Your girl needs help before she gets a bad heart and ulcers.  If you're sick, it's really hard to be a good parent.  I was married for 19 years, btw. He made me feel like I was a total idiot, that I couldn't survive without him....then threatened to have the kids put in foster homes if I tried to leave.

I understand the problem from my own experience.  The only thing you can do, is to get a more aggressive attorney.  Also make sure that you give her lots of love and positive feedback.....which I'm sure you already do.  God bless you and your family...

[nerd]

She sure does!  she tries very hard to overcome this, but for a long time he stalked her and the police and courts were no help, always mr. professional nice guy to them!  she would try to shop for groceries and suddenly he would show up behind her throwing bits of things at her like food and paper, nothing to hurt her in public, just to let her know he was walking behind her.  
I know she needs counseling, but to tell you the truth, he drags her into court so much for frivolous things and she is trying to get an education, and work as much as she can to pay her CS, that she has not seen a doctor in years.  She has real bad migrains and will only go to the emergency room.  She is 80% deaf in one from one of his beatings.  She has selectively forgotten a lot about her treatment, and won't allow it to surface, but it surfaces sometimes when memories come back.. then she tries to shove them inside again. She says she just wants to get on with her life, but ex refuses to give up.  even though she now has a very fine and hard working husband  who loves her and has been with her for 3 years..Her ex constantly tries to pick on him..why?  because her DH has enable her and encouraged her to go to college, because he works hard and provides well for her, because he is still with her and her ex can't run him off.  she just simply doesn't know how to defend herself against this evil man.   She had a very stable home life and close family, she was thrown into a world of pain and chaos and has not been able to stop his negative influence since she let him into her life.  believe me she has tried.  the courts, the lawyers, the police, social services, none of these people are any help.  
So I come to sparc to see if there is something different she has not already tried.  

[Indigo Mom]

I'm impressed!  Usually a GAL's words are gold to the Judge.  I'm curious...is the GAL a tad bit on the "sissy" side????

Make your daughter suck it up and drive the hours it would take to go to counselling.  Make her pick up the kids whenever she's "allowed" to and never skip ANY time.  Make her do whatever it takes...monsters like these can only get away with it for so long, ya know.....if she's done everything she's supposed to be doing, if she's kept her "part" of the bargain, when he does farck up...she'll be right there to swoop those babies up and bring 'em home.....