Here's my story

[maymee]

Ok some of you may know me from before as I used to come here and get information for my now ex (grummpy)  But my story has changed and now I need help for myself.

Back in October of 2003 I was awarded sole legal/physical custody with reasonable parenting time to the NCP.  I was also awarded $X amount in child support.  The only real reason I was awarded sole legal/physical custody is because my ex didnt show up for any of the court dates.  Since then, he has moved to another city about 1 1/2 hours away.  I am not supposed to know where he's living, but a few members of his family have slipped and given me that much info.  He has only seen my son  3 times since June of last year.  And of course, he hasn't paid a dime in child support.  He has an aunt who lives just a few houses down from me and every other weekend I seem him and his mom down there visiting but as soon as I call I am told he isnt there and that no one has heard from him.  My son is only going to be 3 in a few weeks but he seems to know what's going on.  The other day we were taking a walk down to a friends house and he seen his father and yelled for him but was ignored.  My son was very upset by this and of course I was ready to strangle my ex for making my son feel that way.  I watched my ex play many mind games with his first child whom he doesn't see anymore.  But he used to sit and show up to see her and then not show up again for several weeks or months.  I don't want that to happen to my son.  And I know it can, and may happen.  At this moment, my ex can show up and want to visit with my son and I won't go against the court order and refuse him a visit.  But I'm not going to sit back and watch him play games with my son's mind either.  I spoke with someone from down at the court and was told that I can file to change visitation to none at all, but I can't file anything at all until I know his current address.   I really don't want to take his visitation rights away as I really do believe that a child deserves to grow up with both bio parents, but after seeing him ignore my son I don't know what else to do.  Any suggestions on any of this is greatly appreciated.  

Sorry if I mubled on and on and on, I'm just really frustrated right now.

[StPaulieGirl]

Wow, that's rough.  What's wrong with your ex?  Ok, document all of it.  Do you need the child support money?  If you do, then file with the court, and give them all the information such as his general location.  They'll find him.  If he isn't working, or working under the table, then you might not see any money.  I know that your main concern is that he step up and be a dad, but his track record is pretty bad on that score.  

Have you spoken to his aunt about this?  Is his family hostile, or willing to work with you on the issue of visitation?  Maybe uncles or a grandpa can step up and spend time with your boy.  He's part of their family.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about what's going on, and maybe someone here can offer you some good suggestions.