What do you think?

[cooper1045]

My ex-GF and I have been in negotiations since may of last year over our 17 mo(as of today) son.  When we split she took him by default.  Through the summer and into the fall I paid her money as child support and a support order was put into action at the first of this year.  So, yes, I have been providing financial support.  I have seen him sporadically.  She uses him as a pawn to see me.  I have personally moved on and am now engaged to a wonderful supportive woman who cares deeply for my son.  My ex, on the other hand, has called inccessantly, followed my fiance' and I, came to our apartment and refused to leave, and  forced her way into my apartment and attacked me.  Also, she has acted irresponsibly with our son(leaving him alone in the car for more than ten minutes on two occasions, failed to change his diapers even though she knew they were soiled, fed him on a steady diet of fast food, driven erratically, dropped him so that she could have both hands free to force the door of my house open, and violently ripped him from my hands).  After the third time she showed up at our apartment, my fiance' forced me to get an antistalking order.  The temp order was granted, 10 days later a final order was put into action(my ex did not contest), and biweekly visitation was setup.  This visitation was temporary because she was filing paperwork for custody.  My fiance and I had planned to do the same.  Last weekend(4 days after the antistalking order was put in place) I took him for our visitation.  On the second day, 24 hours before we were supposed to return him, my ex called and demanded him back.  I told her that was not the deal and hung up.  She called continuously for several hours so I silenced my phone.  I did not call the police because it was late and they really wouldn't have done anything at that hour.  The next morning, while I was loading our son into my car, my ex showed up and demanded our son back.  I warned her about the order and told her that i would not call the police if she left now.  She refused and grabbed our son from my arms.  I called the police, they arrived, took her away, and let me take my son for the night.  Once again, to clarify, there is nothing in writing giving her legal custody.  When the police called to tell me she had been arraigned and would be escorted to our apartment to pickup her car and our son, explained to the Sergeant that I felt he was at risk and since there was no order determining legal custody I would be keeping him until custody could be decided in court.  He said okay.  At 9:30 that night, 90 minutes after my son was in bed, and just about the time my fiance and I were bedding down(I work early mornings) and officer showed up and told me he was there for her car and our son.  I re-iterated what I had said to the Sergeant.  He just stood and glared for a second(trying to stare me down) and then proceeded to tell me he knew I had "lured S**y there to take the child"  and that I was "playing games".  He also said, "You have me over a barrel for now.  But this will come out in court.  And you'll get yours."  After several tense minutes he gave up and left.  The next afternoon, while I was at work, my fiance called and told me that my ex was at the door.  Turns out that it was the same officer from the night before with a court order from the judge demanding the return of our son.  The same judge who had seen the 4 pages of sworn testamony(including witness) that detailed the crazy things my ex had done to me and our son.  I have made reports to CPS.  I have filed reports with the police(local and where she lives).  I cannot find a probono lawyer and don't have the money for one(any I have spoken to want a chunk of money put down at the beginning).  Any suggestions on where to turn next?

[hisliltulip]

Actually, since you were never married to her, there is a good chance that she has automatic physical custody.

It may be different in your state, but that is the law in MN where we live.

If you have a restraining order on her, USE IT.  Quit letting her get away with the crap she's pulling.  All you are doing is letting her see that you will put up with it.  Plus, it will ruin your accountability with the courts.

If you're going to fight custody, you are going to need to beg and borrow the funds.  Fighting custody is not easy, and not cheap.

You get what you pay for.  I wouldn't trust your child's future with a pro bono attorney.



CPS probably won't pay attention to you.  If there is abuse or neglect, you must have someone else report it... Doctor, Pastor, child care worker, etc.  All they'll see if reported by you is a disgruntled Father in the middle of a custody dispute.

Read everything on this site.

Be sure to document everything!

[gr8Dad]

Tell me, if your son was being held hostage for ransom, and the kidnappers demanded 10K, would you be able to raise it?  Of course you would.  Well, most attorneys only require a 5K retainer.  You can't afford to NOT have an attorney at this point, as your child IS being held by a psychopath.  Sell your stuff, sell your blood, do WHATEVER you have to do to get an attorney.  Document ALL of this in some format.  Use a video camera and tape her "games" at your home.  Make sure that you stay up to date with Child Support, and make ALL of your visitations.  Best of luck, and keep coming here, we can help.

[cooper1045]

Thanks for the suggestions...

I had already assumed that about CPS.  They actually attempted to turn everything I said around and make it sound as though I had pushed her into it.  Will have someone else make reports for me.

If a police call has anything to do with me I do have a right to copies of reports, correct?  I live in NH, if that makes a difference.