Document Document Document

[oklahoma]

My husband and I had a recent discussion about the ex and her little stunts.  She is once again "interpreting" the court order in her own special way.  Well, I think my husband needs to be more aggressive--document more, file contempt, etc.  He flat out told me no.

My husband has never filed for anything in court, BM has ALWAYS instigated it.  Before we met, he had an attorney--a rather high-priced one--he told him NOT to keep a journal and not to document anything.  Reason: If you write down every little thing BM does, you appear to be controlling and obsessive.  You also don't want to appear to be trying to get BM in trouble.  It is a valid argument, I think.  My husband said that this was the only attorney who ever accomplished anything for him in court, so he is sticking to that advice.  So we sit and take whatever BM feels like dishing out.

I am just curious as to what other posters think of this advice.  And how can I gently suggest to my husband that there is a difference in documenting vs. obsessing?  And how can you make that clear in court?

Our last attorney kept saying that BM was going to "hang herself" with all the frivolous charges, but instead my husband lost his parenting time and BM is making up whatever rules she pleases....

[MYSONSDAD]

I understand the attorneys point of view. I document so that I have a record for myself. Jogs the memory on important issues. If it comes down to remembering  something that happened and your asked by the judge, you can easlily refer to your notes.

I am documenting, I have a PBFH and the games are in full swing. The situation has gone to high conflict and that is not good for my son. In my opinion, DOCUMENT, it might save you butt later down the road.

I also feel it shows a pattern on the actions of the other party. Many people have always kept a journal for a daily log on their activities. Many professionals do it. Some keep a diary. Depends on the person.

If you are in a situation were there is a lot of 'he said, she said' a time tracker with date and time stamp could be very useful. would give some weight on who is telling the truth. Parenting time.net,  EXCELLENT!

The first thing many here will tell you, is DOCUMENT.

Good luck!
 
"Children learn what they live"

[ex-stepfather]

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm

Give this a shot. Hope it helps.

[lmarricle]

I'm not a lawyer, however, I think it is a good idea to keep a record of the things that she is doing.  You may never need to use them, but if you ever had to go back to them, at least they would be there.  They would also be more accurate since you made a record of it at the time of the incident.  Good Luck!

[mandi]

I am a step mother as well, and we are basically going through the same thing.  BM takes him to court for every little thing.  We just hired our 3rd lawyer today.  My SD will be 4 in july and since my husband and I have been together I have documented everything.  Even if my husband has been in the wrong, I document it.  All the lawyers that we have had has told us to make sure that we keep this stuff, our phone records, i make copies and photos of everything that we send to her.  The reciepts for gifts that we have bought.  Sometimes you just have to take upon yourself to do these things for the men, because they are not going to take the time to do it.  The BM just informed my husband yesterday that I am not allowed to talk to my SD any more because she says that I drill her and make her uncomfortable because I tell her that I love her and miss her and repeat myself to make sure that she heard me only because I want my SD to know these things.  Am I wrong??  She said that it makes my SD feel she is being forced to say it back to me.  That is not what I exept from SD, I only want her to know that I do love her.

*~Mandi~*

[tjraid18]

  I dont believe in documenting either. It seems petty. Its obsessive and childish. People who write down every "wrong" so they can use it maliciously against someone else (See! I told you so) in my opinion, are the ones with the problem. But i wish I would have done it religously from the beginning. I would be 100 times better off with my visitation if I had. The reason is that a judge has little else to go on that he knows is factual other than documentation. They hear all kinds of stories from all walks of life in every shade of color---I'm sure its not easy sometimes for them to find the truth. Documenting seems an ugly thing to have to do, but it does help ALOT! Have your husband imagine three years into the future, still trying to get his rights and having nothing to help him be able to do so. with an ex who is completely disagreeable. The scenario sounds possible from what I've heard if not probable. think seriously. If you document, at least you have solid 'tools" the judge can use to make a just decision. Often people who are trusting are also honest (your husband?) but unfortunately the honest ones usually fare the worst in court without documentation. I wish I had taken my own advice four years ago, believe me. Hope this helps & good luck!!!

[patton]

If the lawyer has to do all your leg work, the more money he/she can charge you.  That's the ONLY reason I'd see a lawyer would tell you not to document.  I'd say that lawyer was after your money and that's it!

Watch the Judge shows on TV.....if you don't have documentation you are screwed!

My 2 cents worth!