Need an objective look...amount of phone calls

[need perspective]

Brief history, stbx is a drug addict. He isn't in any type of program. He is a manipulator and user. In his heart somewhere he does care about his children, but right now he isn't mentally able to be an adult in this divorce or any other issue. He has supervised visitation per order of protection, and trial for divorce is in August.

He sees the boys twice a week for two hours at his brother's house. I have provided the transportation for them every time. He will call my home and my cellphone constantly. I am not interested in having him put in jail for violating the no contact order, but he's driving me insane.

Since June 6, he has left 36 messages on my home voicemail. That's not counting the ones on my cellphone. And it isn't counting the times I or the children answer the phone. Sometimes he will call 4 times in the space of 15 minutes, getting more and more agitated each time.

I know he misses his kids. I know he wants to talk to them. He has "contacted" me to ask for everything from giving him money to go to the dentist, to asking me for my car (order of protection states NO CONTACT). He has no sense of right/wrong.

I don't want to be "petty". And I'll take whatever you have to say. Is his phone calling excessive and out of line, or is it justified considering his situation? The kids do call him, and if we're home they will talk to him. But my parents keep them while I work swing shifts. They have his number and can call anytime they want to from my parents house.

[Kitty C.]

No, you are NOT being petty, and he IS violating the order.  What he's doing is harrassment.  Do you have recordings or logs of his calls from either phone (official, you can get incoming call logs for land lines if you ask for it)?  Then report him.........now.  Four times in 15 minutes is WAY too excessive, especially when you are allowing the boys to call him.

[forthekids24]

If there is a no contact order then you should be reporting him.  What happens if he gets out of control and does something violent?  No court is going to enforce a no contact order if you have proven that you are really not in fear of him.  You got the order for a reason, stick to it.

Stand your ground, protect yourself.  People like your ex need a good swift kick in the *you know what* to really realize that they are not acting in the best interest of the children.

I have been there, took me many, many months to figure out that I was just playing his game, and enabling him to keep harassing me.  Take care of yourself!!

FTK

[Bolivar OH]

How did he get the "supervised visitation per order of protection"?  What prompted the RO?  Who requested that he have "supervised visitation"?

Sounds like you have a DV charge on him.

[need perspective]

Thank you all for your responses.

I filed for an order of protection after he pushed me and forced his way into our house (he'd left four weeks prior but I hadn't filed for a divorce yet). He also threatened to take a baseball bat to the computer if I talked about him to my online friends, busted the car windshield with his fist while he was alone in the car, and blocked me from being able to get by him and said I wouldn't take the kids anywhere. There's more that happened over the course of five days, but that's why I requested the order of protection. When he gets in the "desperation mode" he behaves so irrationally there is no way to predict what he'll do.

I moved, and he has (Thank you GOD) stayed away from my house. He stills tries to manipulate me and the kids (told our 8 year old on the phone to find mommy's key to the car and sneak it out so daddy can get it and be able to work).

Sorry for rambling. I want to be fair, even though he doesn't think fair. But he took (pawned or sold) everything he could load out of our house the weekend I got scared enough to leave. I'm not giving him anything they don't force me to in the divorce. But I don't necessarily want him in jail either...the boys are having a hard enough time knowing what their father has done and they still love him. It breaks my heart they are having to go through this.

[joni]

The guy seriously needs to be locked up in rehab with lots of therapy.  Are you on good terms with his family?  Is there any way you could work with his brother on that?  He's got to be driving his brother crazy too.  Since, technically, you're not divorce and are still his wife, is there any way you can petition the court for this?  

I think you've been more than tolerant.  Sometimes tough love is the best love.  Unless he gets in serious trouble because of what he's doing, what incentive does he have to clean up his act?  He's already lost his family over this and doesn't get it.  

I don't think you have any other choice.  It seems you've already tried your other options.  

[Kitty C.]

The ONLY thing you must worry about right now is your safety and that of your children.  Because there's no telling how he will react, given the extremely erratic behavior he's already exhibitted, you MUST protect yourself in any way you can.  And talking to him, unless ABSOLUTELY necessary for the boys, only fuels the flames in people like this.

And if you don't take care of YOU, who will take care of those boys?

[rainbow1]

if you weren't going to enforce it you should not have obtained a no contact order.  just like with children, don't threaten discipline if you don't intend to follow through! Sending the wrong message.

[jilly]

I have to agree with rainbow on this. How many times do you see in the news where a woman had a RO on a spouse or significant other and they end up dead?
I understand you don't want to keep your children from their father but from what you stated this man is a danger to himself and others. You have got to protect yourself and those children. And, since you have allowed him to continue making all those phone calls AFTER the RO was filed you have effectively made it null and void. I believe another poster made the comment that the "law" won't enforce a RO you won't enforce yourself.
Please...for your safety and the safety of your children...REPORT THE NEXT VIOLATION!!!