Recent shock, need some basic (hopefully) advice

[ky-dad]

Sorry for the long story, but I'm in shock and don't know where to turn. I haven't eaten for about 60 hours now so I hope this comes out how I mean it.

My wife's sister (16yo) had been staying with us a few weeks this summer. We live in KY, she lives in OH. Everything seemed great between my wife and I, she even told me last week she would never leave me, especially since we have a 12 month old. She leaves on Saturday to take her sister home with the intention to come back on Sunday night. She calls to delay til Monday with a BS excuse and then on Monday around 5pm, I get the call: "I'm not coming home. I'm just not happy". She has done this once before (when she first found out she was pregnant) and I chalked it up to hormones or something, since she begged me to come bring her home 3 days later. This time, she had my one year old son with her. She says she doesn't hate me and wants me to be a big part of his life, but she won't live in KY. This obviously won't work. She doesn't have enough money for divorce, and that's not the option I want anyhow. I'm from Christian upbringing and I will not break my promise to God. She's afraid to come back because she thinks I will 'steal' our child, even though that type of behavior does not fit my character profile. I'm a nice guy, and she knows that I won't do that. Her family in OH seems to have a way of brainwashing her (they are very non-Christian ppl, and have even chastized me for 'forcing' my wife to go to church every Sunday, when its totally her choice!).

I am so taken aback by this situation that I don't know where to turn. The shock is still going strong and there seems no way to get my son back. Attorney's have said she has the right to keep him potentially forever without any government intervention to make sure I get to see my child, if I don't file for divorce. At this point, my first priority is getting my son away from her (only because she's living with ppl who will utterly corrupt my sweet son). Second priority is putting my marriage back together. Maybe a miracle is what I need, but is there any advice anyone can give?

[wendl]

Well the longer she stays away the harder it is going to be for you.
If you want your child back do as the atty said.
File for divorce. Many Faithfull chrisians have had to go thru this, and a marriage isn't going to work if both parties are on willing to work on it.

If her family has this much control over her, you need to file for divorce in your state, as this is the home state of the child, if you wait until your ex has been in the other state for six months or for her to file for divorce you are going to be in a long battle to see your child.

I have heard its always best to be the one to file for divorce 1st. And given you are currently in the home state of the child its even better. I wouldn't wait. You could file for a legal seperation with you being the primary residential parent of your child, then later you two can determine if you want to continue with the divorce. At least this way you will have a legal leg to stand on, if you don't do this, your at the whim of your wife and may god help you.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Fobbed-Fodder]

Welcome aboard the rollercoaster from hell, better buckle up and hang on because from here on out your about go for the ride of your life.  Then just when you think the rides over there goanna stick it to ya with the "Noncustodial Financial Prod" which will have the net affect of all your financial resources for 21 years flowing from that spot next to your ass, wadda you call it?, a wallet?,  You wont even need a wallet any more, because loose change is all you'll be left with and you can pack that around in a zip lock bag.  Pay head boy, the wrath of Family Law is about to come down upon you.  This aint no joke!

Its best you start eating as soon as possible and try and keep your body healthy and functioning as close to what was normal, You are a self contained unit and you must maintain mental & physical stamina to forgo what lays ahead, its going to take every thing you got and more, so with all that said in a nut shell "Maintain Your Physical & Mental Health"

You need to file first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is so important it cannot be overstated, especially since you live in the home state where the child has resided for the last 6 months, If you wait and she files in the other state you are almost certainly toast.

File for Divorce not Legal separation because as the petitioner, and only the petitioner, can down grade it to a legal separation latter if the need arises.

You need an attorney ASAP, NOW, and you need to file an emergency ex-parte motion with an order to show cause why your parenting plan that you are going to start creating immediately should not be placed into effect and placing you as the custodial parent.  She will be served out of state and must return for the hearing.  Demand that your attorney file a restraining order upon your wife based on her mental instability and emotional & verbal abuse which you and your child have endured for years and that you fear for your Childs safety,  Tell your attorney that you want to be awarded temporary exclusive use of the marital residence, Demand this.

Do not move from your house, Change all your locks, drain and close all of your bank accounts and credit cards, and start selling things of because you are going to need the money now more than the material crap that you have coveted.  Money is now your sword and the enemy is now your wife.

I could go on and on as many more will soon follow with basically the same recommendations, some not as harsh and some far more,  read everything on this site and then print what applies and re-read it.

You are at war now with the one you love
Face this fact and begin the battle or loose!

[Peanutsdad]

I'm sorry you are now in this. Welcome to the meatgrinder.

The other posters are right. This is a war, and the person you love so dearly WILL break you mentally, spiritually and financially if you let her.

You definately need to file immediately within your state to keep the fight there.


Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm


http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm

One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.


Good luck.