How to handle this?

[BehindBlueEyes]

My DD is at her father's for the summer.  They have taken her to the ER on 2 occasions & doctor's office once.  We live 3 hours apart and I was visiting my father who had surgery there this weekend.  I stopped by the hospital where DD's dad took her to ER to get a copy of the records for her pediatrician here.  I did bring my court order with me and id also.  Good thing I did.  On both occasions that ex & his wife took DD to ER they listed his wife as the mother and my name was no where in the forms.  This irritates me greatly as I always put his name on ALL forms.  

The lady in medical records was kind enough to change it to list me as mother.  I'm also going to call back to them tomorrow to have my phone # put on the records as well because they have step-mom's mother listed as emergency contact.  God forbid something happen to all 3 of them at once...I'd never find out about it!  

How do I go about handling this situation with the ex?  I do not want to start an argument with him.  And every conversation we have seems to turn into that.  But, this is an ongoing thing with them.  I wasn't able to get the records from the doctor's office because they were closed.  I know the nurse in the doctor's office so I'm going to call them tomorrow and see what I have to do to get the records from them since I'm 3 hrs away.  I know I can always have the pediatricia request them.  But, I would like to know if they listed me as the mother on the records there as well.

Should I just call my lawyer & let him call the ex's lawyer?  To me it's just an issue of respect.  I'm the mother.  Not step mom.  Just like I know that he's the father.  I would NEVER consider listing my dh as her father.  

[janM]

Just curious, why did they take her so many times? Was there a real problem, or is this an issue too? Did they inform you right away?

[BehindBlueEyes]

They didn't call me to tell me; but they did tell me when I called.  DD is old enough that she would tell me even if they didn't.  They never call to tell that they've taken her to the doctor.  They just inform me when I call or when I pick her up.  

The first time they took her to the ER they went there because the doctor they wanted to take her to was closed.  They could have taken her to her old pediatrician 10 min away; but took her to the ER instead.  She was having allergy problems.

The 2nd time to the ER was for a fever.  She'd been running a low grade fever w/ me all weekend.  I treated her w/ tylenol.  When I dropped her back at her dad's on Sunday she still wasn't feeling well & still had a slight fever.  According to step mom it shot up to 104 during the night so they took her to the er.  The ER doc told them to just continue w/ the tylenol that there was a bug going around and that should be the last night of it.  

The doctor's visit was the next day after the 2nd trip to the ER & she had a rash & blisters in her mouth.  The doc said it was from the fever & that it would go away in a day or two.  

They are the type of people to run to the ER at the drop of a hat.  Always have been.  SM was in the hospital the week before the 2nd trip to the ER and supposedly had viral meningitis.  I can see the hypochondria coming out in my daughter too from being around them.  She's always complaining of a headache or that she doesn't feel good.  Usually I just play it down or offer her medicine (she doesn't like medicine so I know she won't take it).  

[janM]

I can relate, my son has custody of his boy and bm takes him to the ER at the slightest fever. He had RSV at 3 weeks old and she panics whenever he gets a fever or cough. He is 5 now. She is a hypochodriac for sure. A few months ago I took him to the ER (dad was working or something) after watching a fever for a couple days that didn't go away.
She read us the riot act for not telling her so she could be there (he had to have an IV for fluids and took them 3 tries, plus chest xrays). But she would only have had him more upset.

I would document all of the hospital and doctor visits. Seems a tad excessive to me.

[joni]

We have the same exact problem with my husband's ex wife.  Unless the school or the doctor call us, per our request, we have no clue what goes on with the child.  One step further though, my husband's former wife puts on all the contact forms "Father has no interest in child by his own choice".  Talk about a punch in the gut, even though we have two court orders allowing him participation and decision making.

Obviously, they do this to get under your skin.  They're being petty.  You're doing the same thing we do.  Talking to them will make no difference and they make get off on frustrating you.

There's a great letter here to update medical records.  Since you've already corrected everything with the hospital, you should be back in the loop.  

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/medrecords.htm

The nurse can ask them what they want, the reality is she doesn't need their permission unless there's a court order saying you're not allowed to have the records.  Bring this about letter with you, along with a copy of the court order and request the records.  They have 45 days to provide them with you.

You can go a step further and ask the doctor's office to call you whenever the child visits so that you're made aware.  We've done this and it's worked well for us.

[Bolivar OH]

Document! Document! Document!

They are trying to push your buttons.  This by itself is not worth the money for an attorney.  But even if you build a library of irritating behavior what do you want the court to do?

Remember the court puts weight only on evidence that show that the behavior hurts the child(ren).  

[lovehiskids]

Does your DD's dad and his wife have a child together?

The reason I ask is this may be a clerical error. I know when we took YSS to the doctor, I was accidently listed as the mother because the started entering data and my name came up as DH's spouse, and so poof, I was mom to YSS!

[true]

Hey there,

Yes, I can understand your feelings here, last summer while my daughter's were at their father's for summer parenting time my youngest was taken to the ER. I found out from my daughter when she mentioned that her cast was itching. Hmmmm talk about the eyebrows going up and the hair on the back of my neck. I asked to speak to her father who "was in the shower". The live in gf came on the line. I asked the pertinent details etc. I was told that I am on a "need to know basis". It was about then I blew a gasket. (not good on my part I know that but responded most likely just how she planned.) He called about 5 minutes acting like he didnt realise there was an issue on the table. I ended up sending a letter to the court documenting the incident. They still do not keep me informed. He also is a nonpaying parent in regards to out of pocket medical expenses. He uses his previous address when listing himself on the childrens medical forms. I end up getting chased down by the medical people. Its a never ending cycle. I tried to just shut up and pay the bills over the last 14 years to keep the peace. My objective was to have one less thing for him to complain about to my daughters that "Mom is always taking His money". Yet, I am going to submit the bills to the courts and let them sort it out from now on.

Good luck, try and stay on top of it and dont get caught up "just paying" to keep the peace in the long run it creates more negative. That was my mistake.