wife possibly BPD can't take any more but there's 2 small children

[on eggshells]

After 4 years of thinking she's just a B, I do believe she has BPD.  I would take the insanity forever if I thought it was best for the kids, but I think it's best for them if we split so they don't think it's ok to treat their husbands that way years to come.

How do you start a split, minimizing the impact on the children?

She has made spending time with them while married impossible, without her presence, I can only imagine once separated and divorced.

I have read the FAQS, any other pointers, or pre-divorce suggestions to start the transition and acclamate the children to the change?

Any other BPD experience out there, is there something that may cause her to change behavior, eliminating the need to divorce?

[Peanutsdad]

Yes, my ex is bipolar. The ONLY thing that will help is forher to get care, which will likely include medication.

Mine wouldnt, absolutely refused to. Now, its in our court orders.

[hisliltulip]

My ex bi-polar also.

It is in our papers that I recieve blood test results before each visitation that he is taking his meds.

Plus his visitation is supervised by someone we agree on.  Usually his parents or sister, sometimes his brother.

HOWEVER, we settled out of court.  I seriously wonder if I would have recieved the supervised visitation if he had not readily agreed to it.

Has your wife been diagnosed?  Or are you assuming?  That could make all the difference in the world for you.


Need more info from you.

[Peanutsdad]

What really caught me with the posters title,, on eggshells. Boy does THAT ever describe living with an untreated bpd.

[StPaulieGirl]

Have you mentioned to her that you want a divorce?  That was my mistake.  I went through 6 years of hell getting away from my ex after I opened my big mouth.  

My ex fits the profile of a sociopath and narcissist.  When their source of supply threatens to leave, there will be hell to pay.  I don't know too much about BPD, but if she could be persuaded to see a doctor and take medication, then it would be possible to save your marriage.  Big "ifs".

Imo, if she has problems and refuses treatment, then I would quietly see a lawyer while still living in the home.  You should have custody.

[msme]

My son told me that the best thing he did when everything was falling apart, was to see a counselor. It helped him learn coping skills & hold his own sanity together while dealing with a very insane person.

Remember, you can not help your kids if you don't keep yourself strong. A counselor will help you do this. You may be able to coax her to go with you, at some point & the counselor may even be able to get her to enter into therapy. If not, then the counselor becomes a very good witness to your abilities to be the best one to care for your kids.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[Bolivar]

Read the book :

"Stop Walking on Eggshells"
by Pual T Mason & Randi Kreger

Discusses the signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder and explains how the families and friends of patients can cope with BPD behavior while taking care of themselves.