17 year old

[thestepmom]

I have a 17 year old step daughter that is dying to get out of her mothers house she absolutly hates it there. she graduates and turns 18 in may but, she does not want to wait that long to move out she want's to come live with her father who is only about 10 miles away from her mother. so nothing realy would change school wise but, her mother will not let go. and the father really does not want to spend the money it will take in court for 6 months of custody. does she have any options?

[Kitty C.]

.....she can 'vote with her feet.'  One thing I've heard, at least consistently, about judges is that they will not rule against a child's feet.  Meaning if the child is with CP by CO, but continues to 'show up' and the NCP's house often enough, they won't go against it.

Let me lay out a hypothetical situation:  Say she comes over, on her own free will, to your house.  If it's not your parenting time by CO, you MUST call the BM immediately, if for nothing else but to let her know where SD is.  If the BM is vindictive enough, she probably will DEMAND that SD return to her immediately.

If your SD is stubborn enough, and refuses to go, call the cops (preferably deputy, they're more likely to get involved in a 'domestic').  Ask them to come to your home so that you can make a report.  They will need to 'see and hear' from SD herself as to her determination regarding this.  They may or may not force her to return.  But given her age, I'd bet that they won't.  They will then probably contact the BM and tell her they cannot/will not force SD to return and she will have to take it up with family court.

It may take a few times for things to come to a head.  Eventually, the cops will not want to get involved at all.  

If BM pushes the issue, let her haul you back to court.  And make HER pay all the atty. fees and court costs.  At that age, being almost 18, I seriously doubt a judge would rule against the SD's wishes.  

If BM does NOT push the issue, then just welcome SD into your home.  In this case, as for getting custody reverted legally (including CS), don't count on it.  Unless BM is willing to jointly write a statement, getting it notarized, and you put it under a judge's nose for signature, that's about only way to get it official in this instance.  And there's so few months left in regards to CS (and they take SO long to get things adjusted anyway) that if you can afford to continue to pay it until SD is of legal majority, I'd do it.

ALL of this will be dependant on how strong and determined your SD is.  Because if she pushes the issue hard enough with her mother, the BM is guaranteed to push back, and HARD.   If SD just shows up at your door, then calls BM to tell her she's living with her dad, she also needs to understand that she better be prepared to give up anything she's left at BM's as well.  You never know how these BM's will react with something like this, even with their own children.

[Stepmomnow]

Also, she could look into declaring her self emancipated.  I don't know if she has to be self supporting, or whether living with you would be sufficient, but then she is an adult and can choose where to live.

[joni]

offer BM that SD lives with you but you'l continue to give BM the CS.  that usually does it every time.  otherwise, if you go to court, CS will become the atty's fee.  think about it.

I'd go Kitty's route first.  SD needs to learn to be independent or her mother will rule her forever.