Long lost dad

[Johnswife]

Hi,

I am new here and I am hoping that you all can help me to help my husband.  I have been scouring the web trying to find some help but I haven't had a whole lot of luck.  Here is the situation:

My husband and I have been married for 13 yrs.  He was very briefly married before and had a son.  He has always pd child support, but has not had a relationship with the boy.  My husband joined the army when the boy was about 1 yr old and so never really knew him.  When we married, the boy was about 4 and it was at that point that my husband cut all contact completely because he had a lot of problems with his ex and wanted a fresh start.  Recently, the son asked to start seeing his father.  My husband has started a relationship with him.  He seems like a nice kid and I am glad that they are seeing each other.  However I am struggling with a few issues:

1) I feel extreme guilt for not encouraging my husband to see him all along.  I never forbade my husband to see his son or anything like that, but I didn't encourage him either.  I feel like a horrible person and like I have denied this child his father for 12 yrs. Are there any others out there that have gone through or are going through the same thing?

2) I would really like some info on how to best handle the situation from the kids' perspective.  He is 16 now, and 16 year old boys aren't very open to discussing their feelings.  What is the best way to talk to him so that my husband can be sure he is giving him what he needs? How should I act toward the boy?  I really want to be his friend, but I do not want to be pushy. Also, I am concerned that he may blame me for his father not seeing him and never warm up to me.


Thanks for any guidance you can provide.