My Father...

[Odomus]

OK I ahvent talked to my father in about 7+ years.

Iam from California, and I used to Live in Burbank, so Did he when I was 6-8 then he moved to Lancaster, about 1hour north of Burbank.  Than in 96, I moved to Palmdale, My mom was always open and willing and pushing me to go see my father.  She never said or never stoped me from going and seeing him at all which form what I heard is a rareity.

I never blamed myself in the separation, becuase I knew it wasent me, it was the drugs and the well actualyl jsut the drugs.  My father never hit my mother, and when he used to hit me yes I did deserve to be spanked, but he used to go over board supposely my moms says.  I dont really hold that against him beucase hey back then you uysed to get spanked "beat' if you did anything wrong.

The thing is that, in the past he has let me down, space camp, and a car, which he had promised me in 95, and he never came through at all.  He told me if I got good grades(Which I always had), he would buy me a car any one I wanted, which I got stright A's even to my surprise I was even shocked too. Then when the time came around, he never got me the car.  Second Space Camp, it was supposed to be for my birthday.  BD came around no space came not even a letter or a BD card from him.
IN the past 7+ years I ahve not recieved any card, letters, emails(he used to have my address, and i know he still has it since his AOL SN hasent changed in 15+ years).

Yes he did remarry, and his wife cannot have children, so it isnt the fact of they have children now and the fact of me being left alone in the dark now is the problem.  Frainkly I dont really care.

Now back about him in Lancaster CA, now OK I moved to Palmdale I lived there about 1-2 years before then he up and moved to Tenn. Memphis I think, dont remmeber.  Now he had pushed for me to come out for about 6months then all of a sudden no letters no emails, no calls no nothing.  Now I know he is still alive, and I know they are both still alive becuase His Mother, which lives in Burbank still talks to him, and I still talk to grandma(his mom).

Now the big question is what Do i do now?
For the Last 7+ years I ahvent talked to him.  Frainkly I dont really want to talk to him.  But I really just want to do is go and beat the friggin crap out of him for even talking to me and not talking me the way he has and the way he has treated me.  

Or do I jsut go on about my business, and froget he even exists?

Give you a little insight thing about me, if he dies, I wouldnt go to his funeral, i wouldnt even cry, frainkly I would celebrate, and have a bunch of my friends over and celebrate that he is dead. "Ding dong the witch is dead" type of thing.

Any insights or anything?

[msjanbo]

From the hateful comments you wrote, it's obvious you should go about your business and forget he exists - for now anyways.  From everything you wrote - NONE positive - I'm at a loss as to what you are asking for?  It's obvious you don't care about him, so why bother with him anymore.  Let it go until you can forgive, forget, whatever it takes to get rid of the hatred you have for him now.

[Ref]

I HATED my dad. Ok. It is a little different. Many of my feelings came from my mom PASing me. Regardless, the only way I have the wonderful relationship with him that I do now, is through my own realization that I needed a dad. I didn't have one much growing up but that doesn't change the fact that I need someone to go to as a dad as an adult.

I had the similar realization with my mother. I was so pissed at her for the things she did to me and my relationship with my dad that I didn't want to talk to her. I still struggle. I came to the conclusion that all people have weaknesses and do bad things. Sometimes the bad things they do, you just wont understand until you walk in their shoes.

To me, it is impossible to shut either of them out for the selfish reason that I am lucky that they ae both alive and I will have a fuller life with them in it, no matter how much more complicated it may be. My SD benefits from having them in her life as well and if you have children, they may benefit from them too. Also, I did not want to lose either parent and look back at what my life could have been like with them.

Ultimately it is up to you. I took each aside when I realized that it was worth it for me to try and had a discussion about what they were going through when I was the most disappointed in them. Some of the answers were made sense and others didn't but I love that I understand both better now.

Good Luck with everything
Ref