Advice on ex husband from other upstanding dads

[marybeth33]

Ok - my ex husbands behaviour facts post separation and divorce.

#1 - moved 2 hours north to live with girlfriend in 2001
#2 - has not financially supported his children ever - actually 16.00 I have received.
#3 - moved 2 hours south to move in trailer with girlfriend
#4 - has never called the children just to see how they are.
#5 - impregnanted girlfriend and is now expecting a baby next month.
#6 - has been unemployed since 2001 (no health reasons - by choice- lives off girlfriend and her welfare)
#7 - drivers license suspended for non payment of child support (June 6th)

prior to drivers license suspension he was visiting the boys every other weekend. Now he will be unable to.

So to those upstanding dads who are pissed off about women who complain about dead beats and they dont exsist - ummmm what would you call this man?

[marybeth33]

#1 - I have taken complete responsibility for our boys (twins age 10)
#2 - been stabily employed for 8 years with a great company and do well
#3 - have endured the boys tears when dad doesnt show up
#4 - focus on the boys well being by - working with teachers, and keeping them in sports - baseball football (which isnt cheap)
#5 - pay for their daycare and daycare for twin boys Ill tell you is a killer especially in the summer.
#6 - tried very hard not to verbally bash their father to them '
#7 - have endured from exes family the "poor pitiful __ex speech"
#8 - had to pay off all his debts because my wages were beginning to be garnished. Had to sell our house in order to do this.

I could go on and on

[sherrie ohio]

Im sorry to hear your son's have such a horrible father.And i think it's great they can depend on you.I just hope this hasn't made you feel all men are like him.He was just a poor choice.As for his family avoid as much as possible.My mother raised us four children without our father,and we have done better in life then what we would have if he had stayed.(left us for another women)But i have seen another father child story in my life.My husband has a daughter with a women he was never married to.He has always work and payed support sense he's found out the child was his.For the first 6 years she made it as hard as possible for him to see their child.She wanted the child to see and call her new husband daddy.He dealt with voilence,phone block's,nasty phone calls and even harasment at work.It finaly got a better when they divorced.He got to see her more , on weekend visits,we came back from 350 miles away.He has even sense moved to the same state to be near her.Try's to be involved as much as possible.But he is dealing with new problems due to husband number 2 and her wanting the world to see him as her dad. I guess what i'm trying to say is dont lump all men/fathers in the same boat has your ex.Just move on ,take care of the little ones.And one day a better one comes along. BEST OF LUCK!

[annemichellesdad]

Marybeth,

Claims by anyone that "deadbeat dads don't exist" should be ignored. Of course, they exist. What you might be missing from the rhetoric is that there is a major problem with fathers being INVOLUNTARILY FORCED OUT of their children's lives.

I am one of them.

My child was taken from me with NO HEARING WHATSOEVER. The mother was awarded child support, and my daughter (now 7) has been completely without my care for more than a YEAR AND HALF. Although these matters have left me devastated and suicidal, I am never more than half a month late with the support checks. I recently learned that my daughter went through surgury when I was sent a medical bill. I have been in arrested three times, once for "failing" to pay $42.50 in my share of an insurance premium that I knew nothing about. (When the judge was told that I was never notified of the amount due, the judge replied "The court order doesn't SAY she has to send you any notification... it just says you're suppose to pay it." That makes ALOT of sense, doesn't it?!)

My daughter and I were always very close. In fact, a great deal of the mother's malicious spirit is no doubt in response to her jealousy from constantly hearing from our daughter how much she wants to live with me instead of her. Despite all of this, I still would support and encourage the relationship between my duaghter and her mother however I could.

Despite all the effort that this mother has undergone to alienate our child from me, and despite the fact that I pay what is due despite the obstacles put in my way by the mother to earn a decent living, she actually openly describes me to people as a "deadbeat dad".

I hope that when you hear UNBALANCED claims of any gender being any more or less of a parent to all of cur children, that you remember my story as well as yours, and stress to others that bad parenting is exclusive to NEITHER gender. Our job as [hopefully] good parents is to look after our children the best we can, and to fight against the injustices done to ANY parent, male or female, who puts their children first.

Thank you

Michael

[wendl]

MaryBeth,

My son is 13 his dad is over $21K in arrears for our son, $10k for another child and $5k for yet another child.

My ex lives off woman, doesn't work, and chooses not to see our son but MAYBE if we are lucky once a year.

The majority of men do pay or attempt to pay their support.

Many men have their children ripped from their lives and basically held hostage by the CP for $$$$$$$$$$$.

My ex has always had the chance to see our child but, by choice never does.  When my son was born his cs order was only $25 a month. Currently it is $160 for our child and he still does not pay.

Then their are men like the ones here, that do pay or pay as much as they can as their CS award is so high they cannot afford to live.

Their are many more GOOD dads than dead beat dads.  You see in the news etc who really wants to see "OH LOOK AT THIS GREAT MAN WHO PAYS IS SUPPORT EVERYONE WITHOUT FAIL"

The media would rather report "Yet another dead beat not paying his support" never mentioning that some of these men do not have a place to live because of the high support order, or how they don't see their kids because mom hold the children for ransom.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[joni]

My husband has......

#1 Paid since 2001 over $100,000 in child support/child care (bogus, paid to his Ex mother in law who gives the cash back to the bio mom and they laugh about how it's free money from her dad...per my stepdaughter)

#2 As part of the divorce, paid off $50,000 in ex wife's credit card debts and $20,000 in school loans for a degree she was too lazy to complete.  Lost all the equity in our home doing this.

#3 As part of divorce, had to pay off Ex wifes attorney bill of almost $50,000, we're paying this off over 5 years

#4 Was denied access to his daughter for over 18 months based on false allegations of domestic violence so mom could destroy bond my husband had with his daughter so she could get sole custody

#5 Had to endure another 14 months of supervised visitations to rebond with daughter he hadn't seen in 18 months

#6  During the 14 months of supervised visitations, my husband drove 10 hours in a day, once a week, every week to see his daughter.  During that 14 months period, bio mom denied access (just didn't show up after he drove to see his child) 8 times, including two of the child's birthdays and 1 Christmas

#7 Ex wife was a shopaholic and my husband donated over 13 black garbage bags full of clothes she left behind, 9 of the bags still had store tags on them

NOW....we're in the midst of an emergency custody motion because  bio mom has been beating the daughter she's had the privilege and honor to be custodial parent to.  Mom is currently being investigated by DCFS in IL and CPS in NY for violence against the child.

Sure deadbeat fathers exist...and I'm certain they are numerously outnumbered by mothers who maliciously and vindictively use their children to torture their ex husbands.  But hey...that's just my honest opinion.

Look Mary Beth...with all due respect....you have had a tough row to hoe.  However, it's not unlike many of the noncustodial parents in this online community who are suffering at the mercy of the custodial parents who deny them access to their children and torture them for wanting to be involved in their children's lives.

Don't continue to sink to the depths of your Ex husband.  Right now, because of your post, you're no better or moral of a person than he is.  Your post on this board was very cruel, insensitive and unwarranted.  You only rub salt in the wounds of the noncustodial parents here.

[notthemama]

[b]Yes deadbeat dads do exist, but so do deadbeat moms.[/b]

I would like everyone to read this article called [b]"Moms Can Be Deadbeats Too"[/b] that I found on the Fox News website.  I am posting a direct link to the website.

Hopefully, this will give perspective to the OTHER SIDE of the fence.  The article was written in 2002, but I'm sure the situation hasn't changed much over the past 3 years.  Dad's are still getting beat down as deadbeat dads from stats taken over 5-10 years ago.

[url]http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,59963,00.html[/url]