Parent admitting thoughts of suicide...

[angel]

What should occur when one parent tells the other that they've been having thoughts of suicide?  (There is currently a joint custody plan in effect)

Do you have to leave the child with a parent who has admitted this to you? (This parent in the past has actually tried to go through with a suicide attempt).

Is it cause enough to file for temporary full custody? What steps should the concerned parent take?

[hagatha]

Angel,

I would think it depends on how credible you believe that parent to be.

If you truely believe the other parent would in fact make an attempt on his/her own life, you should contact your local mental health facility and ask for help and information. Sometimes the local police department will get involved if a third party makes a report. But as you are the ex-spouse and there is a child involved, they may think it is a poly to get custody and not respond.

Have you contacted any other family members to see if your ex has expressed the same thoughts to them? Have you offered to help the ex manage the depression? Have you offered to take son for extended time to relieve some of the stress?

You probably need to talk to the ex more to see what is going on and if those thoughts are still there get the family, and a mental health professional involved.

The Witch



Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

[angel]

Thanks so much for the response.  It's actually DH's ex/gf who is the BM of his son ("Sam") who expressed these thoughts to him last weekend.  She said that she'd almost called to cancel her parenting time as she'd been very depressed, and had given in to allowing thoughts of suicide to enter her mind.

I searched on the net to find something or someplace that could help me (as I have so many issues with her).  I long ago realized that even though that it doesn't really matter what would be best for the child, it almost takes an act of congress to enforce supervised visitation, or to change this to full custody of him, so that's not even really an issue, and certainly not what we're "after", as we wouldn't have the money necessary to fight for it anyway.

DH already has physical custody, and got it even though they were never married--in fact she would never even allow the child to take DH's last name. A guardian ad litem spent time in both households, and reported back to the court that the father had the much more stable and suitable household to raise a child in.  Also, the BM has had problems with drug usage and neglect of her children, and is what I would term "emotionally lazy".

 She has 3 boys to 3 different men, and lost physical custody to all 3 of them, however the oldest child's father committed suicide which sent that child back to her full-time.   About 5 years later the second child's father was diagnosed with cancer, and has gotten so bad healthwise that he is now unable to work or care for that child, so she has that one back as well.  

I have spent more time with "Sam" in two years, than his BM has in the last 7.  She has other interests which take away from her parenting time, so even though she HAS him, she doesn't really, as she finds someone for him to stay with at least one of the two weekend days (and nights) with every time.

I've been raising this child for over 2 years now (he calls me "mom" of his own accord), and I love him as much as I love my own birth son, so seeing the emotional turmoil  he has to go through 3 weekends a month is like torture for me.  

I've shed more tears, more times over this situation than I can even remember, and to see this woman's lack of mothering skills takes me on a roller coaster ride of emotions ranging from heartbreak, to anger,  to a sheer feeling of madness, and everything between.

 "Sam" deserves so much more, and it just breaks my heart to see him trying to "explain" away every time she sends him off somewhere else, or anthing else she does.  

DH and I have tried to shield him, and have never even one time spoken badly about BM, but unfortunately, he's going to learn the truth anyway--from the source.  He's 10 yrs old now, so he's beginning to see for himself that things are not always what they appear to be.  How do you protect a child from that kind of hurt??

We're trying our best to make sure that he has stability here, which I know he feels that from things he has said.   I know that as a SM, I have no legal rights, but "Sam" is my son "by heart", and I think (hope!)that's almost as good as the real thing for a child.

Sorry for the incredibly long post (and what I've written only just scratches the surface with the issues concerning this BM).  I just really need to be able to ask questions from time to time, and mostly I guess to "vent".  So thanks for listening! :)