Court date in 9 days....what do we do?

[worriedstepmom]

I am new to all of this, so I will try to be as clear as possible. (Might get pretty long though, sorry, I don't know all the abbreviations for the forums yet)  My husband has visitation order for his 11 year old son.  2 weekends ago (fri) she calls to inform us that son has mono and will not be coming to our house for visitation.  5 days later (last wed.) we found out that she had him out shopping saturday (the day after he was supposedly diagnosed with mono) husband called the mother and asked her why she would take him out with mono and why her new hubby or mother didn't stay with son or why we weren't called to go over and sit with him until she returned...she refused to answer any ?'s and my husband told her that she could have potentially made him worse and that he was going to find a lawyer.  Next day we recieved a call from CPS. Day after that lady from CPS came over and told us that his son and spoken with the mother's lawyer and told him that he was afraid to go over to our house and that father was beating him...shock to us because we've never laid a hand on him (mainly b/c son's mother is always looking for an excuse to keep son from my husband).  Lady from CPS told us that her next stop was to talk to son at school, we told her that supposedly that he was sick with mono and didn't know if he was in school or not, or even how he was for that matter considering numerous calls to son's mother and doctor went unreturned.  We asked her that if he was in school if she could call us to let us know because we were concerned that we had not heard from anyone as to his condition.  She calls back a few hours later to inform us that he was in school and that he looked perfectly fine, stuck to the story that husband was beating him but caseworker stated that his story sounded forced and scripted.  Today (4/11) we recieved court papers stating that our visitation is immediately suspended until the court hearing on 4/20/06.  Papers state that mother thinks the child is being emotionally and physically damaged, my husband is an alcoholic supposedly and he's been afraid to be with his father for over a year now and many other numerous accusations...mother does not feed him properly, he always looks exhausted when we pick him up, son's grades are plummeting and she or her husband do not help him with homework, he's not allowed to have friends over from school that are his own age, his oldest friend is 7 years old and he has told us this and many other disturbing facts such as he is not allowed to use the phone, and she was physically bathing him until 8 years old.  Found that out when we were finally allowed to have him overnight and he wanted me to give him a bath because "I don't know how, mommy does it for me".  Everytime he has wanted to stay longer with us, his mother starts bawling because she knows that he will feel bad for "hurting her feelings" and will leave with her...the step-father has reportedly called him names like "moron" and "idiot" and god knows what else...also step-father has 2 children of his own that he either chooses not to see or is not allowed to see...no one will give us information on that....we are really concerned about son and don't know what to do...we have an appointment with lawyer this week but we're very upset about the whole thing...anyone with advise on this sort of things or what we should bring to the lawyers or to court and anything other than our obvious concerns that we should bring to the lawyers attention.  My husband is beside himself with grief and our 4 year old daughter keep crying because she wants to see her half brother and we can't take her to see him...we're going crazy over here...we live in Ohio.  Thank you

[justlikemom]

I'm so sorry you all are going through this.  This situation is similar to mine.  We got a lawyer and I'm wandering what did we pay for.  The things that the lawyer filed we could have filed our selves.  There were court appearances that, we were told lawyers were not allowed.  The system seems to totally favor the mother.  Dads are like 3rd class citizens.  We are having a hard time too.  Because every case is diffferent, it seems as though no one can give us real advise without the big dollars in there hands first.  We are trying to get joint custody at this time but we are very doubtful on how things will go.  We feel like we don't have a voice.  The law says one thing, but when you get in court, its like you are the bad guy and you don't even matter.  Its almost like you got to pray that the judge or the mediator is having a good day.  You dare not get upset in court because it seems as though they hold it against you.  Every little thing you do they are writting it down.  It seems as though the mother can do what ever she wants and its ok.  Far as the CPS case, they are usually good about finding out the truth.  When they find out she's lying, that will count against her.  In some cases I have heard that the lying parent lost custody.  Its a very serious thing when you make those kind of allegations.  They don't play around with lies.  So stay strong!  Make sure you document everything and I mean everything, no matter how little it seems.  My husband and I have started to tape all phone conversations.  When we see the mother in person, we always have a small recorder in our jacket pocket.  We make sure its prompt just right so that it catches everything that is said.
You can obtain the childs health records, to see if he had been to the doctor.  If the child is using your husbands insurance you can get that info easier.  If I'm not mistaken you can go to the doctors office with the proof of parentage and any court papers that will prove that he is the father and get info on the doctors visits.  We did!  Those things can be your proof that she lied!  Documentation is the key!  Remember to continue to research your own case and your rights.  Even though you have a lawyer, do your homework.  I'm doing mine too.   Sorry I wasn't able to give alot of advise regarding your matter, but sometimes it helps emotionally and mentally we you can talk and see that you are not the only one going through it.  Stay strong and I'll say a prayer for you guys!  Everything happens in divine order and for a reason.  It will all work out for the best.  Even when its not looking good, keep your head up!  Its hard but keep pushing forward. Don't give up!

[justlikemom]

If you take my advise on tape recording make sure you view your state laws about tape recording.  I think you can record as long as its you and someone else is doing the conversating.  No ease dropping, I think thats when its illegal.  Check your state laws!

[worriedstepmom]

Thank you for your prayers, support and advice, my husband and I appreciate it...we talked to a lawyer on friday and he barely looked at us while we were telling him what was going on and danced around our questions then had the nerve to ask us for $1500 with 1/2 of it due before the first court date this coming thursday...not likely, i wish i had that kind of money laying around or even access but i don't so i'm going to Legal Aid on monday to talk to another lawyer, hopefully we aren't over the income limits.  Anyway the lawyer basically told us that with the type of paperwork she filed, this court date will basically be her trying to convince the judge that my step-son is in immediate danger being with us and that we should not see him, we may get to speak but it won't be for long, like you said mother's are always right and father's are the scum of the earth which i've always thought (even before i got married and had kids) was a bunch of bulls--t.  We are trying to keep our heads about the whole situation but it's harder on our 3 1/2 year old daughter...she wants to see her brother soooo bad and I have to keep lying to her that he is sick because she is too young to understand that "E.J.'s mommy doesn't want us to see him anymore"  That means nothing to her, all she knows is that she misses him and asks us everyday to take her to him and that just breaks our hearts even more.  The truth always comes out as they say but hopefully it's soon because we miss him terribly already and it's only been about 3 1/2 weeks.  Again thanks for the ear and have a nice holiday.

[Ref]

This must be an aweful time for you and my wishes are with you on this holiday.

The only advise I can think of is borrow money and rackup the credit cards and get the best FAMILY LAW attorney that you can buy. Seriously, I wouldn't mess around with abuse allegations.

As a countersuit file to have BM reimburse your legal and court costs.

If you can't get an attorney. Write on Socreteaser's board. Make sure to follow his guidelines though.

Good Luck
Ref

[oklahoma]

Do what you have to to get a good family law attorney!  We went through a similar thing 3 1/2 years ago, it was extremely upsetting and stressful.  We stayed with our rather inexperienced attorney, because we couldn't afford another one, BM had nothing (since nothing happened), and of course justice will prevail....  We were absolutely dumbfounded when judge ordered that parenting time be temporarily stopped (BM was asking for supervised visits)--with no physical proof of abuse and no reports from CPS (they didn't see anything worth even investigating.)  We are headed back to court next month--still have not had regular visitations, even though my husband met all the court's requirements to begin parenting time about 2 years ago.  BM knows the judge basically gave her all control.  We were so shocked and upset (and broke!) at the verdict, we crawled back home and started the process to get the girls back, but all our efforts have gone to waste.  Since then, several other attorneys have told us we should have sued attorney for malpractice, and appealed the decision.  Live and learn.  Hopefully you can clear things up before it gets out of hand.....  Good luck!!