I think she's secretly planning a move.....

[melissa3]

For the past year my fiance and his ex have been in and out of court. The ex told the courts fiance was on drugs (he wasn't) and she said she was afraid he would hurt their daughter. The courts ordered an evaluation and supervised visits, which we couldnt afford, so the case got dragged out for months.

Since then BM found herself a serious boyfriend, who lives very close to where she grew up and to where her immediate family still lives. The thing is, her boyfriend just bought a house. And BM posted a blog on her "MYSPACE" about how her BF wants her to move in but it was set to "private" and I couldn't read what she wrote.

Oddly, BM has been extremely nice lately and has even gone so far as to suggest that she and fiance sit down and work this case out themselves -meaning both agee to drop the evaluation. Normally, she justs yells at fiance and threatens that she'll see him in court.

We think BM justs wants this case over so she can high-tail it back to her hometown. So, once fiance agrees to skip the evaluation, which he desperatly wants to, the case will be over and BM will be free to leave.

We've previosuly mentioned this to our lawyer but I don't think he understands how major this is. He is waiting for more concrete evidecne - like a recording of her saying she's moving. Howvere, we don't think she's planning on telling us that she's moving until after she gets there.


What the heck do we do? Is there anything we can do?

[Giggles]

Or does BM have Sole?  What does their decree state about move aways if anything?  How far is BM's Hometown?  

[melissa3]

Hi

BM has had temp physical custody for three yrs but they have joint legal. (lot of good it does!)

They pretty much have NO decree. All it says is when visitation is to take place and how much child support is each week. THATS IT!

Along with the drug thing, BM is also bringing fiance back to court for more child support and for him to pay half of the delinquent medical bills, which she never told him about and never sent him copies of the bills.

If BM moves it will be three hours away, which would make it harder for my fiance to be involved. And because of her drug allegation, my fiance wasn't allowed to be involved in his daughters life for the past year already.

I almost feel the BM is trying to alienate him........she knew he couldn't work without his prescrpition, she knew he could never afford the eval. and she knows he won't be able to drive 6hrs each weekend to see his daughter because of work, money, gas, ect.

And all this trouble started when I moved in............

[Giggles]

OUCH...she's doing quite a number on your fiance.  It's the old...I don't want him but no one else can have him...grrr

whew..I really don't know what to tell you other than this sucks and I hope things work out.

[cinb85]

Did the Judge just take BM's word for it that your fiance does drugs???
I KNOW that my ex does drugs, but the Judge told me that I would have to prove it.  They couldn't just take my word for it.  Luckily for me, my ex was stupid enough to use his drug abuse problem for an excuse as to why he is not paying child support at one of our hearings.  The judge asked him what kind of drugs he uses.  He admitted to having a very bad heroin abuse problem.  Now this is recorded in his records, so that's all the proof that the judge needed in order to keep the visitation supervised (which he never exercises).

Good luck to you and your fiance.  

[melissa3]

No, the ex said she had a tape of him "inhailing"something. Her lawyer said it looked like something "illegal". Neither fiance or I saw the tape and it wasnt admissible in court. Howver, our first lawyer told fiance to get tested to he took 2 screens. The problem is that his prescription metoblizes back into morphine, as it goes through the system, and that was the ONLY substance to show on the screen. So our old lawyer and judge thought he was abusing morphine, which is not his prescription, and ordered him to go through evaluation.

Its all a big misunderstanding, which the law is preventing us from setting it striaght.

[cinb85]

I KNEW that my ex was abusing drugs.  He's been in at least two rehabs that I KNOW of (because I drove him to both of them), yet the judge still wouldn't take that into consideration when we were discussing visitation.  Like I said, luckily for me (and our daughter) he admitted it because he thought that it was a great excuse for not paying his child support!!!!

I still say that the law protects criminals!!!!  My ex was incarcerated for stealing his girlfriend's unemployment check and trying to cash it.  He did almost two years in prison and the first thing that he did was request that the child support order be cancelled.  They granted it and he was not responsible for paying any child support for that two years (it didn't add up as arrears), so basically he got away without supporting his children for two years because he committed a crime, yet me, the mother who has been supporting our daughter completely alone for 15 years never gets a break!!!  I worked 3 jobs when she was a baby just to make ends meet!  To add insult to injury, when he got out of prison, I had to take time off from work to file to have the child support reinstated and then of course had to take MORE time off from work to go to court to get it reinstated!

I wish you and your fiance the best of luck!

[melissa3]

OK she's definately moving. Her little neice commented on both her and her boyfriends myspace pages, saying she is soooo happy they are moving closer to home.

I am so nervous for my fiance. I havent told him everything yet and I don't know how he's going to handle it right now. I did tell him that I felt she was being really nice so they could get this case over and "perhaps" she is "thinking" about moving but I didn't tell him about what I found yet. I'm sure if I told him she was serious about the move he would just lose it.

How can smeone be so evil? How can they be so heartless and think only of themselves?? How the hell is it in the childs best interest to be taken away from her father, whom she loves to tears??? She hates the mom's BF and she misses her Daddy. I think this move is going to be emotionally devistating to her.

God, I could just slap her. I am praying for a miracle to keep this little girl here.

[Mamacass]

You should tell your fiance so he can ask her about it.  I know in my DH's court papers it requires that he and his ex file with the courts to notify of a change in address 30 days prior to a move.  They are also required to give each other 30 day written notice.  This is so paperwork can be filed to stop a move before it happens.  However, his ex has never followed this "rule."  
BM has told us she is planning on moving out of state with the child though, so we have filed to keep her from leaving the state with him and to change custody.  We are currently awaiting our court hearing at the end of this month.  
At his point, if you seriously think she's moving, you need to get going to try to stop her.  You don't gain anything by waiting.  Good luck with it!
By the way, Myspace can be great, can't it?  We can keep track of my DH's ex's mood and boyfriend of the month by checking out her page.  She's so open on there, it's like being able to read her diary.

[melissa3]

HI!

Well, we are way past her "thinking" about moving =)  

A few weeks ago, before trial, she approached the court with an amendment to have the relocation decided on at trial. The judge said, "No way, we'll do that later."

Now, we are still waiting on an answer from the judge for our trial. It was 3 weeks ago. That trial was supposed to decide custody and if my fiancé can have visitation back (see above posts.) I guess the judge had to take our evidence and the ex's evidence under advisement (??) whatever that means.

Honestly, I have no idea which way the relocation hearing will go. The ex wants to be with her boyfriend of only 8months. He lives 2hrs away, they only see each other on the weekends, so in 8 months they've only "seen" each other a total of 30 times. I don't think that's enough time to make a big decision like moving in. Also he's a 40 yr old recovering alcoholic who's pretty much used to being single and doing his own thing. My fiancé and I are little nervous about what might happen if the boyfriend cannot handle the stress of being in a committed relationship (and living with somebody) and being a new Step-Dad.

The only benefit the ex has to moving is she "might" make more money, but it hasn't been proven yet. Everything else – family, schools, hospitals.... – are much better here. There's more of everything here.

One thing I'd like to know is what the hell are we teaching our kids if parents are reduced to visitor status just so the other parent can make more money? Isnt that basically teaching kids that material things are more important than people and realtionships???

Anyways, good luck to everybody. Never, ever, give up =)