TANF question

[TMO]

I read the stopping unjust welfare recovery section, but what specific actions do you take if you're not divorced and your wife files for welfare?

The article in the archive mentions payments through the Family Support Center, but if you're not divorced it seems they just set an arbitrary date and then send you a notice to pay arrears. (IOW, there isn't even a case number to put on your payments and send to the center. I've been through this before.)

I've got conflicting answers on this from a variety of sources. I've pretty well sent checks and tried to establish that she's reporting the money.

My lawyer indicated I should be sending checks and writing "child support" on them. I emailed the state DCSE once and from what I remember they said don't send her anything at all or it will be counted as a gift. When I was sure she was screwing me by filing for welfare when I was supporting her and fudging on the application, I wrote the Legal Services division of the state DFS and asked what I should do, and an investigator told me he'd look into it and see if I could at least get credited properly, but gave no clearcut answers as to how I should handle the situation. Just that I should keep track of what I give her. No answer as to what I should give her or if she will be able to continue living with HUD, AFDC, TANF, Medicaid, and on and on while I send her checks in the mail, pay for the whole family's health insurance, and much more. She told me straight up that she doesn't want to work and she managed to get nearly every kind of assistance possible, (we still talk).

She doesn't have any custody right that I don't have except for the fact that she removed the kids without my permission while I was at work, during a reconciliation while a divorce is pending. (IOW, no temporary custody orders or agreements.)

[KAT]

I wish I had an answer for you. Keep on top of the investigation, do so in writting by certified mail. Mr. KAT's ex moved out of the home WITHOUT the children. She didn't even have to prove she had them. She obtained every single benefit as well. She also gave them an address that they hadn't lived at for 7 years (so obviously he's not getting summons or mail). Fast forward, he finds out when his pay check is garnished 50% for 29,000 in state arrears. Try raising 2 kids on that kind of income while she collects. They told him the only way it could be fixed was by court custody order. It took him a year to find her (they refused, lawyer got it, but it was wrong!!), another 6 months where she didn't show before a default was ordered and then several more months before CSE got off their lazy butts & removed the garnishment. It was also years after that & it was still listed on Mr.KAT's credit history. I turned her in, but as far as I know they didn't do much to her....go figure. Something is seriously wrong with the system.
I wish you the best of luck!
KAT

[TMO]

Thanks for your understanding. I mean, to the general public it sounds like some guy trying to cheat his poor homeless wife out of a welfare check, but in reality, in many of these cases like mine, the wife is living carefree in free housing (she even invited me in the house, I've SEEN it) and double dipping child support. Now when they come back later with a 50% garnishment for money that's vanished in the air a long time ago, that's a pretty painful pill to swallow. And for this to happen before custody is even temporarily decided? I'm still scratching my head. Any mother who has family or friends skanky enough to guide her through the welfare system can and does use this little known loophole.