Termination of Parental Rights & termination of child support Question..

[gabes_mom]

Okay  a friend of mine has an problem and has been recieving some really crazy advice.  Her problem is there is an obvious case of Parental Alienation, and mental abuse from her ex towards her two boys, ages 10 and 5. She is the CP, the oldest boy is exhibiting signs of Parental alienation.  


Anyway the one peice of advice that bothers me the most is...

Someone told her to bribe her ex into agreeing to terminate his parental rights in exchange for no longer having to pay child support.

Isn't that illegal?

Any info regarding this would be appreciated I don't want my friend to be receiving bad advice and I think that this is really bad advice.

[annemichellesdad]

Remember... domestic issues are almost entirely handled by the states exclusively, so what may be legal in one state may not be legal in another. Every state posts their statutes online, so consider finding the exact statute for your particular state.

Her friend needs to shut up about things she doesn't know about. I overhear so many people talking about "signing away" their parental rights as if they know for a fact that it's even an option. The very concept is repugnant, and demonstrates an entirely self-motivated attitude rather than caring for their children.

Children are NOT PROPERTY. They cannot be bought and sold. A parent cannot simply "sign away" their parental rights. What if, for example, BOTH parents simply decided to "sign away" their rights? Who would care for the child? The state. Well, states don't want to be parents, and it's not their job.

The procedure by which a parent's rights are terminated AND they are relieved of supporting that child is ADOPTION. There MUST be someone else willing to take on the responsibility of caring for that child in the terminated parent's place. Short of that, a parent MAY have their parental rights terminated, but they are STILL responsible for financially providing for their child.

With this mind, your friend has two options:

1 - She gets remarried and the two men agree to the adoption of the children by the new father.

2 - Learn to get along with her ex rather than fight with him. (Yes, it would take an effort on both their parts.) Agree to joint physical custody and no child support and encourage the relationship between her children and their father. If she is wanting him to "sign away' his rights, then there is obviously a lack of respect for him as a father by her, and his efforts towards alienation are an attempt to regain his own status at her expense.  The labeling of one parent as "non-custodial" is very demeening for many. Legally, he has been reduced in importance in the life of his children. So the NCP then tries to compensation by bringing the other parent down in the eyes of those children. Yes, it's wrong, and I won't defend it, but I will explain it and suggest that NCPs frequently feel that they have been wronged themselves, especially if they have not been deemed legally "unfit".

At some point, these two people are going to have to learn to get along or there will be fighting, resentment, alienation, and court battles for years to come, and the children will end up being hurt even more. Someone has to start being "big" here and make things better rather than trying to outsmart, outwit, and outsurvive the other.

[gabes_mom]

That is an absolutely wonderful response.  I will share this info with my friend.  It's not that she wants her ex to sign over his rights, it was a comment that another friend of hers told her about which as a stepmom who is married to a NCP father would NEVER encourage the rights of a father be terminated.  

Here's some more of her background issues.

Her ex lives with his aunt and her 15 yr old grandson.
Her 10 yr old has begun to call the 5 yr old names like retard, idiot, etc. and he's lying all the time. (which is probably a result of seeing the 15 yr old do this and not get into trouble)
B4 the ex moved in with his aunt the boys were really close.

My friend tried talking to the kids dad and he says they behave fine for him that they only act that way with her is because she's a crazy psycho B!tch.  He will talk bad about her to the kids and will tell them they aren't allowed to listen to what she says or love her because that will make him mad if they do.  This comes straight from her kids mouth.  What is she to do?  It's not likely that she is going to get this man to cooperate with her in raising these kids together peacefully.  It's not fair to the children that they are being dragged into this no matter who has hurt feelings or for whatever reason.  The kids see their father with his standard parenting time being every other weekend and every wednesday.  I can understand he may want his kids more often, but I can also understand my friends reluctance in granting this since her ex isn't exactly fostering a loving, and caring relationship between her and their kids.  

Any suggestions on how to handle this type of sittuation?