Need Help/Advice quickly

[mae330]

Its a long story, but my daughter's mother had an emergency hearing  (which i was not present) which gave her sole physical/legal custody and forced me into supervised visitation. We finally had a hearing and the judge left her with sole physical/legal custody and told us to try and figure out a visitation agreement. We haven't agreed on visitation. The judges order was given 3 months ago.


For this past month and a half we have attempted to reconcile....we actually began living together again. Things were going fine I was taking and picking my daughter up from daycare. She was leaving my daughter with me while she went out and everything.

Then she talked to her attorney about the upcoming divorce status hearing. At that point everything changed, her attorney told her that she will lose her custody if we are living together. So she asked my to sign an agreement that if we don't reconcile she will retain custody. I didn't sign it because I wanted a fair visitation schedule included and she would not add one. She told me to leave the house and I did.

Since that day I have not seen my daughter and the mother will not let me see her. She has said that if I want to see her it will have to go back to supervised visitation.

There is no reason that I can not have a regular/fair visitation schedule. The supervised visitation director has said numerous times that she is using you child to be 'vindictive' toward me and there is no need for me to be here.
What can I do?

[FatherTime]

I noticed this right away...

"For this past month and a half we have attempted to reconcile....we actually began living together again. Things were going fine I was taking and picking my daughter up from daycare. She was leaving my daughter with me while she went out and everything. "

and

"She has said that if I want to see her it will have to go back to supervised visitation."

So she wants her cake and eat it too.

I would notify the court of the numerous times where you were left with the child and "NOT" supervised.  It appears that the mother is playing games with the court too.  I would suggest to the judicial authority, whether it be a judge or commissioner, that visitation be liberal and unsupervised.  Because, if the mother truly felt that visitation needed to  be supervised then she would have NEVER allowed you to be with the child in the interim time that you two were attempting to reconcile.

All of a sudden she is afraid?  Preposterous. She is definitely and evidently using the supervised visitation as a whipping post. Don't stand for it.  If the judicial authority cannot see this fact, then please post his or her name and county and state, so that he/she can be called on it.

But you are right... you need to act quickly.

I'm not an attorney or liewyer.  You should have one though.  

[mistoffolees]

>Its a long story, but my daughter's mother had an emergency
>hearing  (which i was not present) which gave her sole
>physical/legal custody and forced me into supervised
>visitation. We finally had a hearing and the judge left her
>with sole physical/legal custody and told us to try and figure
>out a visitation agreement. We haven't agreed on visitation.
>The judges order was given 3 months ago.
>
>
>For this past month and a half we have attempted to
>reconcile....we actually began living together again. Things
>were going fine I was taking and picking my daughter up from
>daycare. She was leaving my daughter with me while she went
>out and everything.
>
>Then she talked to her attorney about the upcoming divorce
>status hearing. At that point everything changed, her attorney
>told her that she will lose her custody if we are living
>together. So she asked my to sign an agreement that if we
>don't reconcile she will retain custody. I didn't sign it
>because I wanted a fair visitation schedule included and she
>would not add one. She told me to leave the house and I did.
>
>Since that day I have not seen my daughter and the mother will
>not let me see her. She has said that if I want to see her it
>will have to go back to supervised visitation.
>
>There is no reason that I can not have a regular/fair
>visitation schedule. The supervised visitation director has
>said numerous times that she is using you child to be
>'vindictive' toward me and there is no need for me to be
>here.
>What can I do?

I'd file an emergency hearing and explain all of that to the judge. I would argue that the fact that she let you move back into the house is a change of circumstances sufficient to warrant addressing custody again. And then I would ask for sole custody and ask that a custody evaluator be appointed and that both of you submit to psychiatric evaluation.

Also, it's not clear from your message - is the judge's order permanent or temporary? And if it's temporary, was living situation discussed? If not, I'd move back into the house.

[mae330]

Thank you for your speedy response/advice.

The hearing is coming up next week. I am trying to get all the information/evidence I can gather.

What you must know is that we had a 'pendente lite' hearing in October 06 and she was impeached at least 7 times. The judge still gave her sole custody and ordered us to agree on visitation for this 'divorce' status hearing next week(which is front of a different judge, thankfully).

While we were attempting to reconcile she proposed an agreement which involved custody. The agreement basically said that "..if we are  not able to reconcile she will have sole legal/physical custody and I would have liberal visitation". I changed it to joint legal and sole physical for her and I wrote out the liberal visitation. Meaning I put liberal visitation along with specific weekends I would be able to keep my daughter overnight. I added everything that a normal (every other weekend + federal holidays) visitation agreement would have.

She declined to agree to it saying "....there is no need for you to make any changes".

So Im going to present the agreement that we tried to agree on which is a fair agreement. But I have to be prepared for her 'vindictiveness' in not wanting to allow me to see my daughter period. So I am going to bring to the judges attention her 'whipping post' actions while we were reconciling.

You have been very helpful, if you have anymore advice or have questions....Please!Please let me know

[mae330]

Thank you for your speedy response/advice.

The judges order is temporary and since she was given temporary sole physical custody, the living situation would be with her.
Now at the time she had changed the locks on our apartment and told the courts I had moved. Its a long story that has been going on since June 06.

The hearing is coming up next week. I am trying to get all the information/evidence I can gather.

What you must know is that we had a 'pendente lite' hearing in October 06 and she was impeached at least 7 times. The judge still gave her sole custody and ordered us to agree on visitation for this 'divorce' status hearing next week(which is front of a different judge, thankfully).

While we were attempting to reconcile she proposed an agreement which involved custody. The agreement basically said that "..if we are  not able to reconcile she will have sole legal/physical custody and I would have liberal visitation". I changed it to joint legal and sole physical for her and I wrote out the liberal visitation. Meaning I put liberal visitation along with specific weekends I would be able to keep my daughter overnight. I added everything that a normal (every other weekend + federal holidays) visitation agreement would have.

She declined to agree to it saying "....there is no need for you to make any changes to the agreement".

So Im going to present the agreement that we tried to agree on which is a fair agreement. But I have to be prepared for her 'vindictiveness' in not wanting to allow me to see my daughter period.  I am definitely going to argue the fact that she letting me move back into the house is a change of circumstances sufficient to warrant addressing custody.

Is there anything else you can thing of?
You have been very helpful, if you have anymore advice or have questions....Please!Please let me know

[mistoffolees]

The big one is to never agree to an agreement that says 'liberal visitation'. Basically, that means you get to see the child(ren) whenever the custodial parent says you do.

You should probably be fighting for joint custody and whatever shared parenting you have (not 'visitation') should be spelled out in the agreement.

[mae330]

What type of reasoning can you use to prove why i should have joint custody?
Or what type of reasons can be proven why I shouldnt have joint custody?

Thanks in advance

[HelpingHands]

What was the basis she was granted custody in the beginning? The order has to say WHY somewhere, I would think.

You have to prove that you are no threat to your child, which by her allowing unsupervised contact she's not too concerned. Ask her to PROVE WHY supervised visitations are necessary. Do you have witnesses that can show that she is being vindictive? Oh and be careful about offering up that you've been with your child unsupervised, it may backfire on you as "contempt' even if mom allowed it.

Why should it NOT be granted? Why shouldn't you be allowed just as much access to your child as she is. And can you PROVE she hasn't let you see your child since she's put an ultimatum on you? Ie: recordings, written word? What if you show up to get your child? Police called, report taken?

She's taking you for a long ride.... hold on tight.

[mistoffolees]

>What type of reasoning can you use to prove why i should have
>joint custody?
>Or what type of reasons can be proven why I shouldnt have
>joint custody?
>
>Thanks in advance
 
In principle, it's simple: you need to convince the judge that the child is better off with joint custody and with you being part of her life than with you having severely limited access.

In practice, it's harder. I would focus on two things:
1. There are tons of studies (you can find many of them on this site) which show beyond any doubt that kids do better (less drug usage, better grades in school, fewer teen pregnancies, etc) if both parents are actively involved in their lives. There should therefore be a presumption that it's better for both parents to be involved.
2. Then you have to establish that this is also true in YOUR case. That means that you have to show that you're a good parent and not a danger to the child. You may or may not show that allowing the other parent unlimited control would be bad for the child (that's not always the case, though). Your ex will bring up all sorts of reasons why you shouldn't have unlimited access. You need to disprove them or at the very least demand that she prove them (her word would generally not be sufficient without some documentation).

The bottom line is that you have to evaluate every aspect of your child(ren)'s life(s) to completely assess why it is better for them to have you involved on a regular basis.  If you're comfortable that there are no skeletons in your closet, you may be better off asking for a professional custody evaluation.

[mae330]

She was granted sole custody based on the fact she argued that I kidnapped my daughter (there was no custody order or anything giving her custody at the time) and hid my daughter from her (which is a complete lie).

What happened is we were living together and she called the police one evening after an argument (I caught her talking to talk to another man on my cell phone) and I was put on a temporary stay away order (2 weeks---attempted threats).

So for the first week she had told me she was having problems dropping my daughter off at the daycare and picking her up on time(which is something I did every day). So we agreed that since my daughter wasn't included in the stay away for her to give her to me so that she would not have to worry about the daycare issue. So the 2nd week of the stay away we began arguing over the phone because I found out that, on top of the man I caught her talking to, she was on myspace talking to, exchanging numbers, and meeting with numerous males. So after the 2 weeks were over I decided not to go back until we got this straightened out.

So she goes and files another stay away alleging I beat my daughter and I smoke crack (never used drugs) etc, etc... So the police came and took my daughter from me.

So at this hearing we come up with a consent order to try and work things out. Everything is dropped and we are supposed to attend counseling to work things out.

Now listen to this, I sign the consent order under the impression that I can come home and everything will work out. But she had the locks changed and would not give me a key. So for about a month she is basically 'dangling' my daughter and the keys to my home in front of me. She wouldn't allow me to see her or come home. I was still paying the daycare every friday, but one friday I go to pay the daycare and they tell me that I can see my daughter but her mom says I can't take her anywhere. So my daughter (4 months old at the time) hugged me and wouldn't let go. I didn't either, I explained to the daycare what the mother was doing and they told me to go ahead and take her with me. There was nothing saying I couldn't.

So I call the mother right after I left and let her know that we need to come up with some visitation before I bring my daughter back. She tells me she called the police and if i don't bring her back I will get arrested.

So a few weeks pass and she files an emergency custody order for sole custody based on argument that I kidnapped my child twice and that the child is in need of immunizations that I will not take her to get (mind you she canceled the doctor's appt I made for her right before filing this).

So the police come to my mom's house again and take my daughter from me. She allows supervised visitation for 2 hours every saturday. This time we have a hearing and the outcome of the hearing was that she have sole custody and we try and agree on visitation for me.

So I know this is a lot, but it should bring you up to speed
and my initial message will explain what happened after this point.

Please give any advice. I pay child support and I just want fair visitation/overnights with my daughter. The mom has been lying/deceiving me and the courts this whole time.

What can I do?