Babysitting

[gemini3]

Am I required to give my ex the opportunity to babysit the kids if I have to work when they are with me?  It's not stated in our custody agreement.  I've heard or "first right of refusal", but I'm not sure when and how it applies.  This is only an issue when I have them during summer vacation, and I usually put them in camp for part of the time, and take vacation for part of the time.  I don't have enough vacation to take off the whole time though.  My ex is saying I should be allowing her to watch them while I am at work instead of putting them in camp.  Any thoughts?

[Ref]

unless it is in you agreement. Unless there is more to the story, you may want to make an agreement with her where she can watch the kids certain days of the week. It will lessen those costly camp bills and you will be building a better relationship with your ex.

If there is a likelihood of going back to court for custody, be careful. She will be able to prove that you see the kids less than she does. If it isn't an issue, then it might be worth the olive branch.

Best wishes
Ref

[ocean]

No, you do not have to let her do it. IF the kids like to go to camp and money is not an issue, send them to camp and enjoy your time with them. It is your time to parent them.

First Right of Refusal-It has to be in your papers...not usually given unless asked. Then it usually has to be a certain amount of hours....you would have to call her to babysit first (BUT then she has to do it too :)  IT goes both ways)

[gemini3]

I would agree if I was the custodial parent, but I'm not.  I only get them for 4 weeks during the summer.  I already offered her a weekend in the middle so it won't be so long for her without the kids.  She acts as though I'm removing her right arm every time she has to be away from them, and sends me laundry lists of instructions on how to take care of them.  Now she's saying I should be letting her watch the instead of putting them in camp.  It's just day camp, six hours a day M-F, and just for 2 weeks.  

I think going back and forth every day would be hard on the kids.  She clings to them and goes on about how much she's going to miss her babies, etc. every time I pick them up.  I think that's upsetting to them.  I don't want them to have to go through that on a daily basis.

We're in the middle of a custody dispute now.  What do you mean by her proving I see the kids less than she does?  I'm not following.

[Ref]

I agree with you then. I think there are plenty of benefits kids get from summer camp and you can tell BM that you think that it is good for them to learn to interact with new people.

What I meant about the extra time being a problem if you are fighting for custody is this. If you can show that you spend a significant amount of time with the kids, it puts you in the better position for custody. The more time they are with you, the better your chances are.

good luck
Ref

[Kitty C.]

Definitely ONLY if it's in your order and also she has to reciprocate.  And I bet you know how far that would go.  Tell her that if she wants FROR, she has to get it ordered for the court AND be willing to give the kids to you if SHE will be at work or away.  This isn't a one-sided deal......

[wysiwyg]

I think you should think about what is reasonable, sometimes you need to think beyond the order and do what is "right", after all put yourself in that parents shoes, would you want the additional time?  I would.  If she is not a threat to the kids I say let her watch them.  Our court order (which is questionalbe if we truly have or not, but which we follow regardless) states that during periods of summer vacation when the child is with the NCP, the CP has a midweek vistitation and every other weekend and the right of first refusal and vice versa for the NCP when the child is with CP for summer.

I would not ask the kids what they want to do as I believe this divides them and puts stress on them, parents are to parent together and have a duty to promote a healthy and meaningful relationship with both parents.  Do you think that camp rises to the level of being more impirtant than a mother or a father?

Just something to think on.