Going back on signature

[Crockpot]

DH and BM had finally agreed to change CO to reflect kids staying overnight Wednesday and an earlier pick up on Sundays after DH's weekends.  They signed the paperwork with a notary this week.  DH is going to the court house tomorrow to file it.  

We are already doing the midweek overnights and I drop the girls off at school on Thursdays.  Youngest is in school ½ day and takes a bus to the babysitters house until BM gets off work at 6pm.  BM expected DH to send youngest to school with lunch for Thursdays – although he told her he wouldn't.  DH told her he provides meals when kids are in his custody and child support should pay for meals when they are with her.  They are considered back in her custody after I drop them off. If they don't have school we drop them off to her.  She got irate and said she's going to write a letter (hand written) and bring it to the court house stating when she signed the papers (referred to above) she did not know DH was not going to provide lunch on Thursdays.  Like, somehow his providing lunch is the reason she signed.  Actually, we were under the impression she did not work Thursday and there would be no need for lunches as she was picking youngest up at school.

I know the simple answer is to just give in and provide the lunches.  But we're done playing her games.  This type of back and forth crap has been going on for years.  It's always something and if DH doesn't do what she wants, she tries to take away his time (the reason we're trying to get mid week overnights on paper).

I guess my question is will the officer or intake person at the court house tell her to get lost or will they consider her signature void?  

What does lunch have to do with the changes?!?!  This is such a stupid argument but I'm concerned we won't get the changes to the CO we want.    

[mistoffolees]

I'm not sure, but I don't think the court house would even be concerned with lunches.

You have a signed, notarized letter. If she doesn't show up at the court house, you file the paperwork and it's done.

If she DOES show up at the court house and claims that she is withdrawing her consent, it doesn't matter if she's withdrawing consent over lunches or over the phase of the moon. She is withdrawing her consent.

So what happens when two parties show up - one with a signed, notarized letter and the other one saying she's withdrawing consent? Here I'm only speculating, but my understanding is that either party is free to change their mind at any time until the judge signs the order. Therefore, she can probably withdraw her consent for a silly reason - or for no reason at all.

Even if the court requires some reason for her to withdraw her consent, she could always say she signed under duress - which would invalidate your document.

Just a guess, but my guess is that her signature is void if she wants it to be void.

Furthermore, I think her position is reasonable. If the kids are staying overnight with you on Wednesday and you are taking them to school on Thursday, the most natural thing in the world would be to assume that you're providing them with their lunches. Otherwise, BM would have to make a separate trip to school or to your house simply to drop off lunches on Thursday morning. That doesn't make sense.

Of course, if the sitter provides lunches free, it's a non-issue, anyway. If the sitter charges for lunches, I think the above response is reasonable.

[ocean]

You are responsible if you are dropping them off at school was my first reaction to this and not worth the fight.

[Crockpot]

I know the lunches are a trival thing, but we've learned if we give an inch she pushes and pushes. So we're done.  We don't provide lunch (nor does BM ask us to) for the child that stays at school.

We feel to keep BM from moving the bar farther and farther we are very firm on things.  And sometimes it's as stupid as lunch.  

We'll know soon enough what will happen.  However, knowing BM she'll swing the other way and end up giving up.

Thanks for your input.

[Crockpot]

I just talked to DH.  We've decided to give in on the lunches.  

I agree, it's not worth the fight.  But we are so so tired of the back and forth of this woman!  Of course on this issue we went back and forth, not our usual.  Tomorrow it will be something else with her though.

This way we can give youngest a good lunch at least once a week.  She has ADHD and the Dr suggested only non-processed foods.  That's ALL she eats with BM.  

Again thanks for the input.

[mistoffolees]

But even if she's terribly unreasonable, not EVERYTHING she asks for is unreasonable. In this case, her request is completely reasonable.

Be careful not to immediately refuse anything she asks just because she asked for it (which is what it looks like you're doing) - that's just as wrong as her asking for everything. Every issue needs to be evaluated from a neutral and unbiased perspective.

[Crockpot]

I know.  Sometimes for me, it takes typing it out to figure it out.

Thanks.

[MixedBag]

As I read this, I thought logistically, how would you expect Mom to provide the lunch on Thursdays if you're taking the child to school?  Should she send an extra lunch with the child to be taken to school?  Should she make an extra trip to the school on Thursday morning to take the lunch?

Then I saw that you two decided to go ahead and provide the lunch.

You also have a PM with more thoughts.  Well, I had to come back and say I guess I can't send you a PM with more thoughts.

So please drop me an e-mail at [email protected].  O.K.?

[Crockpot]

You've got mail!