What to do with rudeness?

[MKx2]

the problem was, in our case, we did exactly that, but it didn't work.  Perhaps it was because DS was the oldest, and only bio of mine.  Doesn't matter why though.  Things were a total disaster for us, with DH's kids, from the get go.

Thankfully we are down to 20 mos of CS, the three oldest are either in college or on their own, and we are beginning to settle in with a quieter lifestyle without nearly as much conflict.

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

No, I didn't know that it was neccessary to have POA to do those things.

I feel that since my X refuses to allow me any lee-way, pick up the kids from school, take them to the doctor's etc...then I guess He's going to have to get himself a POA for the wife to do so.

Ok....so yah....is that terrible to feel that way?

[MKx2]

While I don't really believe in the "tit for tat" method of doing things, in your case I would definitely require a POA ... it is a minor thing to accomplish for your ex, and perhaps it might be a reminder to him that YOU are still the mother.

[Imom]

I did mean to sound mean or anything I was just confused. Our pediatrican that we have for the ss, was mine, my cousins, and is my bio-children's so he knows me very well.... But we never had problem at the dentist office or school...........

[sweetnsad]

I wish that was us, but unfortunately, we are just starting our battle.  My SO's kids are very young..7, 5, and 3...so we are not settling in for quiet time anytime soon!!
Good luck to you..

[oklahoma]

I agree with you and think you made a very important point at the end of your post.  It is not easy for children to go back and forth with different standards in BMs and BFs homes.

Our situation is the same in that SDs have discipline at our house, and NONE at BMs.  Every time we picked them up, it would take a few hours for them to adjust to our rules--sometimes even a whole day.  Then they would revert back to BMs "rules" a few hours before we were supposed to get them back.  Very frustrating for me!!

I am still working on being the adult, and having a bit more patience.  We don't use physical punishments in our home, rather we use time outs and loss of privileges.  But, looking back I think I was still a bit too harsh in some circumstances, and rationalized it by saying, "That's how I will treat my own children."  My SDs have grown up in a home that is not mine, and have had experiences that my children will never have, and so I cannot treat them exactly the same.  However, they will still be held to the same standards in our home.  It's a very fine balancing act....

Another note on not spanking--we have not seen my SDs since July 2002 because BM accused my husband of abuse.  As I mentioned earlier, we do not use any type of physical discipline in our home.  But SDs were upset about discipline/chores/etc. in our home, they lied to BM and to counselor, and the judge believed the counselor.  So just be careful.....  They can turn the littlest things into something huge!