Listening

[soon to be stepmom]

My SO has a 6yr old boy (soon to be 7) and he just isn't paying attention to anything someone says to him.  If you ask him to get his shoes on, he starts to do it and then drops it and he's off to something else.  You have to tell him over and over again to get something done.  This is a new behavior pattern, he used to listen real well......  Any suggestions on how to get that back?  He's driving us crazy!!! lol
Oh yes, just found out from his teacher today that he's having a talking problem in school also lately.

Dad has placement and has for the last few years.  The only thing we can think that might be affecting him is mom has been making noises about going back to court and has told him that he will be going to school by her soon. (Can you believe any parent would do that?)  Other than that nothing has changed in his life that would account for his behavior change.  Could this one comment have made such a change??

Please any help would be appreciated.  We are willing to try just about anything to get him back to listening!

[MKx2]

Sure the comment could have done something ... but my VERY first thought is that it is a developmental issue that ALL kids go through at one time or another.

6 almost 7 is an age of realizing more independence, and knowing that other things are FAR more fun than putting on your shoes.  While I'm not down-playing the issue of BM's comments, I think I would try a couple of things at home before I settled on that one.

I would guess that you've already had a talk with him about paying attention.  Perhaps you need to focus on "how" you ask/tell him to do things.  I know when my DS was around that age I LITERALLY had to get to his level and say "Look at my eyes.  Thank you.  I want you to ... no, look at my eyes. Thank you.  I want you to put both of your shoes on and tie them.  Tell me when you've finished."  It didn't take long to turn the behavior around, and is SO much more productive than saying "Put your shoes on ... didn't I tell you to put your shoes on? ... WHY DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR SHOES ON YET?"

At a stage like this all it takes is a short time of concerted effort and the behavior usually changes.

As far as talking in school?  LOL!  If that's the worst of your worries, consider yourself lucky!  But seriously, I know it can be an issue with real consequences.  He is probably just becoming far more social, and realizing that his friends listen to him, or laugh at him.  DS used to get detentions for not being able to stop laughing about something in school.  When I asked him about it he looked at me with his beautiful huge green eyes, and solemnly said, "Mommy ... I can't help it.  They just barge out of my mouth."

Talk to the teacher and ask how he/she wants you to follow up at home with this issue.  Teachers can be wonderful allies for you ... believe me, most of them jump at the chance of having involved parents.

But, again, I wouldn't totally discount what BM said, but rather would see if some behavioral modification helps.  I would hate to think the little guy was stressing out over a grown-up issue.

[kiddosmom]

I agree with MK from the sound of it he is starting to grow up (scary thought eh?)
All children go through this, just at different ages, my son 11- current, my daughter 10- current, though she is getting past it.  You just seem to have to get their attention and make sure you have it, or they can look at you you talk and it does not register. Now I understand why mom used to say it goes in one ear and out the other.
Good Luck!
Hope the BM didn't have anything to do with it.

[soon to be stepmom]

Thanks for your help.  We'll make a concentrated effort to make sure he's listening before asking him to do something.  We thought he was paying attention, but probably not!

My kids are adults, 22 & 19, but I don't remember going thru a stage this bad with them and to be honest that certainly was quite a while ago, lol!   We'll keep working on it and hopefully it'll change around soon.

[MKx2]

DS is now 24 ... and the instances I posted above, I remember as if they happened this morning ... however, there are a LOT of other things I've forgotten about as well as just plain ol' don't remember!

Good luck to you - just make sure, as in positive, certain, that you have his attention when you talk to him, AND for the time being don't request more than ONE thing in a single request ("Go to the ktichen and get me a napkin, and let the cat out while you're there.") - you're asking for inattention at this age with that.

Give the boy a break - he's a little guy and will grow up FAR too quickly anyway :-)