What to do?

[Wi-Mom]

I'm sure you all have had this experience... and will roll your eyes at this post..

My fiance (BF) and his ex (BM) agreed to let him have custody of their 14 year old son. They also have a daughter who lives with her. He moved down here in July 2003. (The mother lives over 5 hours away.) At the end of the school year she began to really pressure her son to come back home and he was adamant that he didn't want to. Then she started to call my fiance's mother (BG?) and tell her things adding, "Don't tell BF that I told you this."

BG believed these things and one day finally told me some of the things BM was saying. One of the many things BG told me was that BM said that DS said that his dad slapped him accross the face. She was very detailed and said exactly how it happened. She asked me not to tell her own son (BF) that she said this!! Of course I immediately confronted my fiance and his son, and the son swore up and down he did not say that. BF called BM and she denied having said that to his mother. We know she did. She's still constantly calling BF's family and telling them things.

Just two days ago, she called and asked to speak to DS. We were standing there listening to his responses to her (simply because he did not leave the room) and we heard him say, "No dad is not letting me run the streets all night" It was very typical.. she fills his head constantly with doubts about his dad's parenting. BF took the phone and confronted her immediately about what she'd said, and she hung up on him.

She called the next day while we were both at work, and later that evening DS gave us an earfull accusing his dad of the most outrageous things. We spent the whole evening defending the accusations and the only way to defend them was to tell DS they were lies. What the heck?? I'm exhausted from this behaviour. It's hardly worth having custody.. being angry ALL the time.

[msme]

I know that the phone company offers a service that allows the customer to block certain numbers. You can turn the block on & off at your disgression. Block her number when you leave for work & unblock it when you return home.

Then tell her that you are doing it & she may only call your family if there is an emregency. She obviously has your family nuimbers, so she can send word if there were a real emergency.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[MixedBag]

I'm sitting here thinking -- record the conversation and let your DS know that it will be recorded.

Then sit down together and listen to what Mom says and tell Dad's side.

Not too long ago, DH's EX complained that "we" (of course I'm at fault) record all of her conversations to a Supreme Court Mediation Settlement Judge (yep, her title is that long).

Judge recommended that BOTH sides record all conversations so that you/we all know exactly what is being said (therefore who's telling a lie).

You are making a positive difference in that child's life -- and don't you ever forget that!