Any Advice would be helpful

[gabes_mom]

I'm posting this for a friend.  She is having a difficult time with her oldest son's actions and behaviour.

Here's some of my friends background info.

Her ex lives with his aunt and her 15 yr old grandson.
Her 10 yr old has begun to call the 5 yr old names like retard, idiot, etc. and he's lying all the time. (which is probably a result of seeing the 15 yr old do this and not get into trouble)
B4 the ex moved in with his aunt the boys were really close.

My friend tried talking to the kids dad and he says they behave fine for him that they only act that way with her is because she's a crazy psycho B!tch. He will talk bad about her to the kids and will tell them they aren't allowed to listen to what she says or love her because that will make him mad if they do. This comes straight from her kids mouth. What is she to do? It's not likely that she is going to get this man to cooperate with her in raising these kids together peacefully. It's not fair to the children that they are being dragged into this no matter who has hurt feelings or for whatever reason. The kids see their father with his standard parenting time being every other weekend and every wednesday. I can understand he may want his kids more often, but I can also understand my friends reluctance in granting this since her ex isn't exactly fostering a loving, and caring relationship between her and their kids.

Any suggestions on how to handle this type of sittuation?

[gollymolly]

it is most important that she set up a tight schedule/routine for everything. even better if she makes up a calendar of weekly events, including but not limited to daily chores, activities. the most she can do personally for her children is to be a loving mom and maintain a routine.

for example.... the weekly schedule i made for my children included monday library day (we picked out books to read all week), tuesday game night, wednesday church/awana night, thursday bike/scooter night (to the river) and friday was the best!!! it is boogey night... we dress up in costumes and dance. saturdays are kid's choice activity (i give the options).
every night i tuck them in and we say prayers (one we made up beginning with 'thank you god for mommy, and daddy and child 1, and child 2, and step sisters, and step mom, etc....and take good care of them because we love them).
at bedtime i often give them a few minutes of mommy chat time (especially first night back from dad's house). before long they are anticipating telling you everything. it also helps them get things off their chest that bothers them.
i found that if i forgot to initiate this one night, they would immediately remind me. they need these things. it gives them stability to be able to anticipate their day.
little things that are unique between mom and kids are good things too... whether it be nicknames, an activity (rocking at night... they aren't too old for this... this is when i get a chance to talk with my children about their day.
i admit sometimes it is difficult to keep up, but it is a priority, because they are number one.

other than that it sounds to me like the children my need some professional help dealing with the situation. this can be very rewarding. but start the routine/schedule asap  if one is not in place.

hope this helps.
god bless.