help - need advice

[SallyandJack]

I agreed to meet with my DH's ex tomorrow. My husband talked me into it because he is desparate.  The old lawyer said it couldn't hurt and that it would look better in court.  But today we met with a new lawyer who is in that matrimonial elite who we like very much and who intend on hiring when we round up the money.  She advised that we absolutely should not meet with her or try to negotiate with her ourselves.  That the situation has gotten too out of hand for our league (meaning we are not lawyers). And honestly - my gut agrees because in the past 3 years my husband has never been able to succesffully negotiate with her on anything.  They need to get a parenting plan in place and it will need to be done through the lawyers and court because he wants more time and she wants to limit his time.  And since my husband never fought the way he should have, he has empowered her to the point where she won't negotiate.

I've already met with her 3-4 times afterwhich she lied about me in a letter to our lawyer. This has been going on since January - and as a result my husband's visitations have been cut in half. She continues to not agree to me being superviser only because she wishes to make this difficult for my husband. She says she 'needs to get to know me better'. I was fine with this before she lied about me. I figured, if I were a mother, I would want to know who my daughter is spending time with. But afterwards, I avoided her like the plague.  I felt it was just a waste of my time.

My question is - whose advice do I follow?  Is meeting with her a bad idea even after she lied about me?  Or would it show the courts that I have exercised good faith? On one hand - if we both remain calm and professional then it could go alright.  On the other hand, given her past history of lying...meeting with her could just give her more ammunition.  My gut says don't meet with her. But my husband still wants to.

What is your opinion please?

[socrateaser]

My opinion is, as mobster, John Gatti, once intoned, "Keep your friends close...but keep your enemies CLOSER!"

Go meet. Just don't agree on anything until you sleep on it.